Universities praised for mediocrity
BRITAIN’S universities are adapting to the half-arsedness of the country, it has been claimed.
UK universities’ continued slide down the international league table has been hailed by business leaders.
Senior bank executive Tom Booker said: “Britain’s culture is one of moderate achievement driven almost entirely by the desire for expensive homeware.
“You want young minds developed to about 51% of capacity. Second gear is about right for desk work.
“The eggheads need to respect that.”
Recruitment consultant Nikki Hollis agreed: “The Olympics were great but also exhausting. If anything, they proved that you can’t sustain being brilliant.
“You’d be knackered all the time.”
Student Stephen Malley said: “My lecturer says I need to focus more on pretending to be busier than I actually am, because that’s how you get promoted.
“I am young and alive and bursting with dreams of adequacy.”