Society

MILLIONS of Britons are descended from the bastard offspring of aristocrat-defiled domestic drudges, it was claimed yesterday.

ED Balls has condemned children's commissioner Dr Maggie Atkinson for using her years of professional experience in forming an opinion.

THE horrific, soul-destroying journey you make every morning to the job that makes you want to die will soon cost a record breaking amount of money.

TEENAGE boys are to be given lessons in how to release the vice-like grip on their penises for five minutes and get some sleep.

A THEME park inspired by the graphic cruelty of 'torture porn' horror films is too mild for most British children, it was claimed yesterday.

TEACHERS who watch the offensive US medical drama Grey's Anatomy will not be banned from the classroom, the government has confirmed.

SCHOOLCHILDREN on brain-boosting drugs are questioning the whole point of the education system, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of men just a shade under five foot nine were devastated last night as it emerged that not even the French presidency can help a short man hang on to Carla Bruni.

WOMEN who get drunk on a regular basis are slim, happy and a bloody good night out, experts have claimed.

FIVE days after Carol Vorderman's apprearance on Question Time, millions of people across Britain were last night still trying to make sense of the experience.