BNP Launches Aryan Spread

THE British National Party has launched a racially pure sandwich spread for people whose necks are wider than their heads.

It's fucking hellish

Hatey-Yum is a blend of bulldog sweat, Winston Churchill's cigar smoke and the bone marrow of a skinhead virgin.

Party leader Nick Griffin said: "It spreads straight from the fridge and is the final solution to ethnically inferior toast and mongrel baps.

"When you open the lid it plays Hope and Glory and when you close it plays the Horst Wessel song, thereby making it an enjoyable after-school experience for your robust Aryan offspring.

"All other spreadable products are foreign and have a deep seated desire to take your job and turn your house into an halal abattoir. Do not allow them in your fridge – they will rape your cheese."

Mr Griffin added: "There are dozens of communities across Britain who are sick of seeing decent white bread covered in bongo juice and mumbo-jumbo jam and are crying out for something strong and pure that will distort their face into a rictus of hate."

Supermarket manager Nikki Hollis said: "We think people will either love it or hate it, depending on what sort of cretin they are.  Though I have to admit it does actually sound better than Sandwich Spread."

Tom Logan, a shopper from Stevenage, said: "Whatever next, jars of sugary, fruity goo with tokens that you can collect to claim a stuffed dolly that's horribly offensive to black people?"