Cameron punches a tramp

DAVID Cameron rounded off his spirited performance in the Commons yesterday by smacking a vagrant in the throat.

Dennis Skinner always blames the posh boys

After asking Dennis Skinner to die and telling Margaret Hodge that she looked like an old man, the prime minister stormed out of the Palace of Westminster and assaulted the first available tramp.

Tory backbencher, Martin Bishop, said: “He ran over to this thin, shabby looking person and just went absolutely fucking mental on him while shouting ‘point of order! point of order!’ in a manic, high-pitched voice.

“George Osborne was sobbing and telling him to stop but he wouldn’t listen and just kept raining light slaps on the homeless chap’s face until he was exhausted.”

Downing Street has now asked the Speaker if Prime Minister’s Questions can be renamed ‘The Prime Minister Calls You an Arse’ while all official statements from Mr Cameron’s office will now begin with ‘Listen, fuckface’.

Earlier Mr Cameron told Labour leader Ed Miliband that he will order an enquiry into Jeremy Hunt’s relationship with News Corporation ‘just after I’ve finished doing your missus’.

Bishop added: “It’s not that I’m worried the government is struggling to regain its authority, it’s that the prime minister seems to be having a nervous breakdown.”

A Downing Street spokesman said: “The prime minister will continue to have a nervous breakdown in order to maintain Britain’s cherished triple-A credit rating.”