Cuts are my porn, says Osborne

26-06-13

CHANCELLOR George Osborne has revealed that reducing the size of government is a hugely erotic experience.

He has a range of concealment methods

He has a range of concealment methods

As he prepares to outline £11.5bn in spending cuts, Osborne said his fascination with the sexual nature of small government began in his early teens with magazines like The Spectator.

He said: “I like different kinds of cuts. I like explicit cuts that just get right down to business, where the cutting is so deep and hard.

“But I also like cuts with a bit of a story. It increases the anticipation and makes the cut seem more authentic, and thus more intense and satisfying.”

Osborne added: “Mostly I like to do cuts on my own, with the curtains closed.”

A Treasury source said: “If you’re in a meeting with him and you start talking about cuts then he either crosses his legs or goes and sits behind a desk.”

One cabinet minister who has been in budget negotiations with Osborne for six months said: “I got the impression that he found the whole process very sensual.

“I would suggest a cut to him and he would go ‘mmmm’, like he was eating a cake, and then he would suggest a cut to me and immediately follow it up, by shouting ‘yes!’ or ‘do it, you filthy monkey!’.”

The Treasury source added: “He doesn’t even care if it costs the Conservatives the next election. That’s not what’s going on here.”

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