May still prime minister for some f**king reason

THERESA May is still the prime minister of the United Kingdom and no-one has the faintest idea why, it has been confirmed.

Downing Street issued a statement stressing Mrs May remains in office and was then forced to repeat it nine times.

Mrs May’s closest political ally, First Secretary of State Damian Green said: “You’ve got to be kidding me? I just assumed she’d have fucked off by now. That is a puzzler.”

Meanwhile, experts said the fact Mrs May is still prime minister was testing the limits of scientific possibility.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “If this is actually true then teleportation and light speed travel are no longer just theoretically feasible they are incredibly likely.

“It’s so difficult to take in that, as with the moon landing, conspiracy freaks will insist the whole thing has been faked.

“People will soon be claiming that not only is she not the prime minister, but never has been.

“They may well be right.”