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VOTERS TO CHOOSE WEIRDOS AND CRIMINALS |
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VOTERS are heading to the polls today in the biennial ritual of choosing exactly which oddballs and thieves will run their local council.
 Can Boris Johnson convince Londoners that he's not actually a complete tool?
Tom Logan, a voter from Lincolnshire, said: "The Liberal Democrat chap is a Zoroastrian minister and has written five books about cheese. He's got a lot to say for himself.
"The Tory woman's interesting. She seems to think David Cameron is either a communist or a homosexual, I can't remember which. And she says the BNP guy may as well wear a badge saying, 'I love blacks'.
"But, to be honest, I think I'll plump for the Labour candiate. He looks absolutely desperate for a bribe and he hasn't even won yet.
"I reckon his eventual resignation, prosecution and imprisonment could be quite a laugh."
In London, Tory candidate Boris Johnson clocked-up his one millionth campaign pledge when he promised to stand over smokers with an umbrella, even though he found their habit to be 'disgustingly oikish'.
Meanwhile Labour's Ken Livingstone spent the afternoon in a Vauxhall pub, drinking quadruple whiskies and showing the annoyed regulars pictures of his favourite newts.
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