Formula 1 switches to clown cars

01-07-13

RACING vehicle manufacturers are to base their designs on clown cars following the British Grand Prix.

Less creepy than regular F1 drivers

Less weird than existing F1 drivers

After the race became momentarily interesting when bits flew off the cars, organisers have asked if the whole thing can fall apart by the fifth lap.

Engineer Tom Logan said: “Mercedes have said they want Lewis Hamilton to finish the race with nothing left of his vehicle but a big old-timey bulb car horn in one hand.

“It’s a considerable challenge to design a car that can reach speeds of 200mph then have all four wheels fly off simultaneously making a ‘ba-DOING’ noise.”

The circus-inspired Formula 1 cars will be assessed under intense comedic conditions, including a specially adapted wind tunnel that fires custard pies at 298mph.

Cockpits will be extended to accommodate up to twelve big-shoed drivers, including one who will spend the race upside down after misjudging his jump into the car.

Formula 1 fans’ opposition to the move has been disregarded on the basis that they are Formula 1 fans and their opinion is therefore worthless.

Red Bull has already replaced Mark Webber with Jingles, a £6m signing from Zippos circus who can simultaneously steer and knot a balloon into the shape of a poodle.

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