Joey Barton to leave Joey Barton

QUEENS Park Rangers midfielder Joey Barton is to part company with himself at the end of the month, by mutual consent.

Torn between reading and fighting

Police were called to a West London restaurant when matters between the two personalities of the ex-England international came to a violent head.

According to fellow diners, Barton had been goading himself repeatedly, before he finally snapped and let fly with fists, punching his own face and body.

An argument had broken out within Barton regarding Barton’s haircut. Joey Barton’s softer personality ‘Barton’ – a complex, troubled 29-year-old – insisted it was a homage to George Orwell, while volatile ‘Joey’ insisted it was a “proper hard man’s haircut.”

Taking to Twitter, Barton said: “First Manchester City, Newcastle, then QPR, now who knows? I’ve given Joey chance after chance to better himself but every time he recoils into barbarism and base savagery.

“As Nietzsche said, ‘Battle not with monsters lest ye become a monster.’ So true – and so, like Morrissey, I must fly, fly.”

Joey, meanwhile, shouted his response to Barton while standing outside his own/the latter’s house, beside the remains of his Mercedes which he’d just torched.

Joey said: “Yer friggin’ soft get! Wi yer fookin’ book shit. Come ‘ed! Come on, eh? ‘Ave a fookin’ fight, Barton, you’re a footballer for fook’s sake!”

Sports psychoanalyst Julian Cook said: “What we have here is a classic personality clash – Barton, thoughtful, socially concerned, a cut above the average footballer, the sort of fellow who would have enjoyed a conversation with the late Robert Hughes and Joey, blood for brains, who’s basically Yosser Hughes.

“Post career, Barton has expressed a wish to write a thesis on the Persecution of the Modern Soul with relation to Baudelaire, while Joey has expressed a wish that everyone just fuck off.”