Stamford Bridge 'makes people racist'

29-10-12

CHELSEA football stadium emits a form of radiation that makes people horribly racist, it has been confirmed.

The nucleus of a Griffinium atom contains three electrons and a racist

As referee Mark Clattenburg became the latest person to be accused of racism after coming into contact with Chelsea, experts said the stadium’s chemical make-up meant it was a ‘molecular bigotry engine’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Some forms of concrete contain the element Griffinium.

“It is a base metal with a half-life of 18.6 hours. In high enough concentrations the subsequent radiation can disrupt the neural flexi-waves that stop most people being racist.

“Stamford Bridge concrete has very high levels of Griffinium and so you find that a lot of Chelsea fans are obscenely racist inside the stadium but then transform into perfectly charming Guardian readers the further away they get.

“And of course a lot of them are just racist fuckers anyway, so that gives us a control group.”

He added: “Clattenburg has obviously been subjected to a very high dose of Griffinium. Perhaps he was leaning against a wall in the players’ tunnel.”

Club captain John Terry said: “Yes, Griffinium poisoning. That’s what I’ve got.”

 

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