Arts & Entertainment

Britain Willing BT Broadband Couple To Split

MILLIONS of viewers have contacted British Telecom urging them to end the pathetic relationship at the heart of their long-running series of TV adverts.

Yet Another Batman Film Without The Batusi

HOLLYWOOD'S A-list has gathered in New York for the premiere of the latest Batman film not to feature the Batusi.

Jeremy Kyle Rapped For Showing A Scotsman

THE Jeremy Kyle show has been censured by the television watchdog Ofcom for broadcasting a Scotsman during a daytime programme.

Britain Absolutely Cannot Wait To See 'Mamma Mia'

BRITAIN was absolutely bursting with excitement last night at the prospect of going to see Mamma Mia this weekend.

Four Weddings Is Best British Film Ever, Say Arseholes

The Hugh Grant movie Four Weddings and a Funeral has been voted the best British film of all time by a bunch of arseholes.

Hollywood Actors Pretend To Go On Strike

HOLLYWOOD could grind to a halt this week after some of the world's biggest stars threatened to pretend to go on strike.

Big Brother Contestants To Get More Bananas And A Rope Swing

BIG Brother contestants are to be given more bananas and a tyre on a rope, Channel 4 said last night.

Television To Be Controlled By 200 Latent Homosexuals

ALL programmes and adverts shown on British television will have to be approved by a committee of 200 latent homosexuals, it was confirmed last night.

Striptease Ad Should Have Been Shown After Work, Say Angry Viewers

THOUSANDS of viewers have contacted the advertising standards watchdog demanding a controversial striptease ad be shown the minute they get home from work.

Knighthoods For Entire Cast Of 'Heartbeat'

THE cast of Yorkshire police drama Heartbeat has topped the bill in this year's Queen's Birthday honours list.