Arts & Entertainment

EVERY year, there’s one. Sneaking onto Strictly, the joy of the autumn, ruining my Saturday nights with my Echo Falls and my post-divorce unshared share bag of Maltesers.

A NEW film of Wuthering Heights starring Margot Robbie is essentially a 1990s straight-to-video erotic thriller set in Yorkshire, but not every book is a cinematic bonkbuster ready to happen.

IF you don't 'get' an artist, it's not because they're too clever for you but because, like these guys, they're purveyors of pseudo-intellectual bollocks.

OH, you don’t like the right albums? Then a calm, intellectually grounded explanation of why you should will surely change your benighted mind.

ARE you not connected to Strictly Come Dancing in any way but need to find an excuse for your infidelity? Pin it on the popular BBC series with this guide.

YOU will never be of the calibre of a Disney Princess, but you could be the comparatively ugly friend who gets approached because you’re less intimidating. But whose friend?

SOME artists insist on clinging to the same image they had 20 years ago or more, and the results are often distressing. Here are some who need a rethink.

DERIVATIVE pub rockers Radiohead are touring this autumn, in what is expected to be a pale imitation of Oasis’s triumphant comeback.

DWAYNE ‘The Rock’ Johnson, who has been very successful portraying a wall of muscle, now wishes to be a serious actor. He and we will both regret it, as with these.