Arts & Entertainment

One-woman Dracula was a bloody stupid idea, say critics

A ONE-WOMAN stage version of Dracula was as bad as anyone imagining a one-woman Dracula would naturally assume, critics have agreed.

Lana Del Rey, and five other artists appropriated by right-wing fruitloops

THE right wing has no artists of any merit, and that makes them sad. Consequently they have decided they’re drafting these into their movement without consent.

Heathcliff should look and sound like Rishi Sunak, says top Brontë expert

AN academic specialising in the work of Emily Brontë revealed that fictional character Heathcliff should resemble ex-prime minister Rishi Sunak in both appearance and speech.

The Boo Radleys, and other 90s bands who are still going despite popular demand

NOSTALGIA for the 90s is back again, but for every Wonderwall there’s a Mike Flowers Pops version of Wonderwall. These bands of the era are still going despite a surely ever-diminishing fanbase.

Kid Rock, and other right-wing artists who by sheer coincidence are total bellends

RIGHT-WING musicians are few and far between and universally twats. Coincidence, or could there be some mysterious causal connection? Let’s investigate.

Wuthering Heights, and other classics that wouldn't work if the characters were vaguely sensible

CINEMAGOERS will soon discover that Wuthering Heights could be half as long with a nice happy ending if any character had basic common sense. Also true of these.

None of these sexy looks are in the film, Margot Robbie clarifies

MARGOT Robbie has again worn a corset for the premiere of Wuthering Heights, a film where she will be clad throughout in the drab woollen rags typical of the period.

Six practical steps Charli XCX can take to stop being sad and childless

AN interviewer has been criticised for questioning Charli XCX’s decision not to have children. Sadly we all know he’s right, so here’s what Charli needs to do to end her childless misery.

Seven artists who played the weirdo long game to benefit from the Gen Z online freak storm

AFTER lying dormant for decades, Aphex Twin is the darling of the odd kids again. These acts knew their music would one day be loved by mutant youth.