International

THE UK has stopped aggressively telling non-nationals to f**k off out of it and has started aggressively demanding they come back.

THE president of the United States has been visited by a ghoulish apparition bearing an uncanny resemblance to ‘that dickhead Trump’.

A FRIEND has asked if you have any recollection of the most tragic and monumental event of the twenty-first century so far.

THE last flight has left Afghanistan. The occupation has ended. But one question still troubles millions of caring Britons: have we done enough to save the budgies of Kabul?

THE events in Afghanistan are a tragedy and Joe Biden is to blame, according to all the people who directly caused them.

WHO the bloody hell would appoint a 1980s cricketer as trade envoy to Australia? Only Boris Johnson, and only to troll you. Here’s why I’m completely unqualified.

YOU can't make something great just by sticking the word ‘Great’ in front of it, Britain. For example...

THE US military has generously agreed with the Taliban to call their 20-year conflict a draw.

SOME of you – the wrong ones – are getting worked up over what is happening in Kabul. Let me explain why doing nothing is the moral thing to do.

THE UK has agreed that Afghanistan’s ingratitude for the last 20 years of military occupation is frankly quite hurtful.