Relationships

EVERYONE on Tinder is into hiking and surfing and nobody is into getting smashed and chomping Pringles while watching crap, users skeptically report.

A COUPLE planning a romantic weekend away are each thinking about bringing a friend for company, they have confirmed.

A MAN who constantly talks about threesomes is only having a series of onesomes, it has emerged.

A WOMAN idling at traffic lights by a building site has privately admitted that, while she is not proud of it, she would shag that one in the hi-viz.

A SMUG loved-up couple aren’t looking so pleased with themselves in this week’s heatwave.

A WOMAN calling her ex-boyfriend’s voicemail up to 18 times a day admits it is more understanding than he ever was.

A MAN who thinks it would be cool to have a ‘polyamorous’ relationship gets jealous and possessive when asked to share his crisps.

A WOMAN has told friends that her new nerd boyfriend would be perfect if he could stop being such a total nerd.

A WOMAN has been left stunned by a one-night stand that was not a complete sexual disaster, she has confessed.

A DOG has been honoured for heroically saving a woman from phoning her ex-boyfriend while wasted.