Alcohol

YOU'RE drinking tonight, but have you planned your alcohol consumption to create a hangover that will take you out for 24 hours? Follow this guide.

YOU'RE out the pub when a pissed-up stranger, who seems to think he knows you, opens a slurred dialogue. Here's how to cope.

THE drinks are in but the twat who paid for them looks f**king livid. Find out if their rage is your fault.

FORGET martinis and mojitos, these are the vile concoctions generations of British teenagers have used to get tanked.

A MAN who gave up booze for a month has already successfully undone all of the positive effects of his abstinence.

A MAN has a 'nightcap' of four cans of Stella every night to help him relax before bed.

A WOMAN has scoured her recipe books for a dish that requires a splash of red wine just so she has an excuse to drink the rest of the bottle.

A MAN bases his opinion of every country he visits purely on how cheap it is to buy beer.

A Wetherspoons has been levelled by a seismic volley of orgasms after a pint was served in a glass with a little crown on it.

SCOTLAND has once again admitted that it cannot return to work until tomorrow because it overdid it massively at New Year.