Science & Technology

SCIENTISTS who discovered a giant nothingness in the heart of the universe last night said they had lost it again after it “just vanished into thin air”.

THE contents of every stomach on the planet can now be viewed over the internet from your home computer after the launch of the latest add-on to Google Earth – Google Gut. 

A 42 year-old man from Glasgow claims to have discovered a full-proof way to recreate an out-of-body experience for less than a tenner.

INTERNET fraudsters are missing out on huge riches because their email language skills are “so shit” they can only con the most gullible of punters, according to a damning Government report. 

ALL Scottish people are either related or went to school together, according to the vast majority of English people.

APPLE has been forced into an embarrassing recall of the entire first batch of its long awaited iPhone after users reported problems with its on-board toaster. 

GOOGLE is to launch its own brand of sausages after it emerged that the most frequently asked question by internet users is "what sausage shall I eat today?"

VIRGIN is to raise the height of the seatback tray tables on its transatlantic flights by a number of inches after it emerged that love drug Viagra could now be used as a cure for jetlag. 

SCIENTISTS at Dundee University have embarked on the world's first human-animal hybrid embryo project in a bid to create Satan.

SCIENTISTS at Dundee University have developed the world's first talking road signs as a cheap alternative to satellite navigation systems.