Get some concealer on that red nose
Even though Christmas is nearly here, I am thoroughly miserable: all my colleagues laugh at me and call me names due to my unfortunate appearance. They are so cruel, and I feel so isolated when they refuse to let me join in stuff. Can you help?
You probably think you’re a victim of jealousy, like Nicole Scherzinger or Nadine from Girls Aloud. Your mum probably told you a load of empowering stuff like how you should be proud of your bulbous head or your protruding teeth or your Asda trainers. Well, here’s some news – the others laugh at you because you look like a bell-end and the sooner you get some concealer on that red nose of yours, the less likely you are to lose your PE kit in a tree and have someone graffiti the words ‘fanny-balls’ on your rubbish lunch box.
Hope that helps!