Relationships

Nobody enjoying self-written vows less than bride and groom

A COUPLE who wrote their own highly personal wedding vows were as embarrassed saying them as their guests were listening to them, it has emerged.

Couple accepts they will never have sex adventurous enough to need a safeword

A COUPLE have agreed they are not really the type to have sex dangerous or boundary-crossing enough to need a safeword, and feel the lesser for it.

Woman dumped so incompetently she'd rather be ghosted

A WOMAN is suffering through a break-up handled with such staggering ineptitude that she would honestly prefer her ex to disappear without a word.

Boyfriend preoccupied with TV excellent at listening

A MAN engrossed in a TV programme has proved to be an effective listener who does not patronise his girlfriend by offering unhelpful advice.

One evening on dating app worth six months of couples' counselling

AN evening of interaction with the online dating market saves more marriages than half a year being excruciatingly honest with a relationship counsellor, it has emerged.

Knowing basics of astrology getting man so much minge

A MAN who has bothered to learn the basics about astrology could get laid every night of the week, he has confessed.

Difficult to imagine how your dad ever pulled

HOW their dad was ever considered attractive by the opposite sex is beyond most people’s imaginations, it has emerged.

Woman drinking large white wine by herself does not know she is solo dating

A WOMAN who has gone to the pub alone does not realise she has taken herself on a ‘solo date’, it has emerged.

Working-class man thinks Nutribullet is sex toy

A WORKING-class man dating a middle-class woman has admitted being shocked and aroused by how openly she discusses her Nutribullet use. 

'Why I don't care how many women I have to shag to meet The One'

I AM on a journey which is also a quest. And I’m on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Because it does not matter how many women it takes; I will find my soulmate.