Relationships

DATING apps can be a confusing experience, so it’s good to be aware of coded euphemisms for ‘Just a shag, if you’d be so kind’. Here are the most popular ploys.

THE internet is not real life, and practices discovered upon it should not be attempted IRL. Unless you long to be single, keep any suggestion of these to yourself.

WORRIED a lifelong friendship might be growing stale? Want to live on the edge, side-by-side, like you used to in youth? These methods will f**k shit up.

WANT to foist your insufferable worldview onto your unborn child? Try one of these stock baby announcements, each of which is so cringe they’re an effective contraceptive.

A SINGLE woman has requested her married and attached friends cease going out having fun as it is ruining the key benefit of being single.

A FATHER cannot wait until his children are back at school so he can love them just the way he used to do.

A WOMAN believes she has stumbled on one of the great unsolvable enigmas of our age after a man she slept with no longer replies to her texts.

A BOYFRIEND who thought he would quickly see what his partner gets up to online failed to comprehend the sheer volume of inane daily correspondence, he admitted.

THANKS to their feminine charms, women can turn things into seductive displays that would just make men look stupid. Such as these.

PARTNERS can be annoying. Stick it to them in no uncertain terms with the following petty acts.