Lifestyle

Man goes whole week without ejaculating for first time since 1995

A MAN has reached a key milestone in his journey towards respectable old age by getting through seven days and nights without shooting his load.

Chilling is an activity, men confirm

BRITAIN’S men are in agreement that chilling on the sofa, in the pub or in the shed is up there with hiking or windsurfing as an activity.

Woman organising hen party becomes everything she hates

ORGANISING a hen weekend has forced a woman to become everything she has always despised.

Tourists visiting Cotswolds for joy of ruining it for residents

A HUGE influx of tourists to the Cotswolds is only there because making the people who live in its villages miserable is such tremendous fun.

I have cured my electric car's homosexuality, by a right-wing motorist

WHEN my wife insisted on buying an electric car I said 'yes'. Not because I’m an emasculated cuck, though. Because bothering to argue with a woman is what a Beta would do.

Anyone who believes in Nordic secrets to happiness hasn't met anyone Nordic

IF YOU are foolish enough to believe there is a Nordic secret to happiness you have never spent time with the Nordic peoples, experts have asserted.

Basic woman only likes culture that's really good

AN UNORIGINAL woman only enjoys music, books and films that are enjoyable enough to be loved by millions, she has confirmed.

Martin Lewis issues urgent warning to cretins spaffing away their paycheques on crap

FINANCIAL expert Martin Lewis has exhorted morons who fritter away every penny they earn on useless shite to stop doing it.

Roblox, Minecraft, Metal Gear Solid: Which computer game is best at parenting your kids?

CONCERNS have been raised over children being left unsupervised on gaming platform Roblox. So as a responsible parent, which game should you be allowing to bring up your kids?

Actual B&B far superior to Airbnb, shocked Gen Z couple discover

A YOUNG couple who stayed in a B&B where they were given breakfast and not charged extra for cleaning have realised Airbnb is a con.