Lifestyle

Middle class family on day trip to estate agent's window

A MIDDLE  class family has decided to treat itself by going on a day trip to an estate agent’s window.

Woman's natural state is brunch

A WOMAN has confirmed that her natural state of being is eating avocado toast and drinking wine before noon.

Hairdresser's hair not inspiring confidence in hairdressing abilities

A HAIRDRESSER’S hair is inspiring fear rather than confidence in her hair styling abilities. 

Dungarees still not good

DUNGAREES have never been good and they never, ever will be, it has been confirmed.

Key to being good friend saying 'mmm-hmm' a lot

THE best way to be a really good friend to someone is to say ‘mmm-hmm’ frequently, sincerely and meaningfully while they are talking.

Man working in bong shop not a great advert for the product

A MAN working in a bong shop is an enormous obstacle to sales of the product and the acceptance of cannabis in general. 

How to appear slightly younger than you are

ARE you sad about being quite old? Here are some ways to look younger that might just convince people to knock a few years off your age. 

Parents 'genuinely believed' violin would be less annoying than recorder

THE parents of a musically ungifted child have discovered that a violin can sound just as bad as a recorder.

Dream of owning Aga crushed by having to use the f**king thing

A COUPLE who thought their middle-class dream was complete when they bought an Aga have instead ended up with burnt meals and a massive gas bill.

Five pathetic ways to try and impress people

DO you constantly try to impress people with your frankly unspectacular achievements? Here’s how to go about it.

Man referring to himself as 'single parent' because wife had night out

A MAN whose wife went out from 7pm to 12.30am last weekend has spent more than a week referring to himself as a ‘single parent’.

Britain's fannies excited to go full Chewbacca for winter

THE UK’s female pubic regions are looking forward to going the full Chewbacca for the coming winter months, their owners have confirmed.