Lifestyle

THE government has banned schools from forcing pupils to buy more than three branded items a year. But it cannot stop kids twisting the uniform code in the most dickish of ways.

CARING husband Stephen Malley has noticed his wife is struggling to balance work and childcare and, like a hero, has come up with a gorgeous Mediterranean solution.

HELLO, I’m Wayne Hayes and there isn’t a service station I’ve haven’t visited in my well-maintained Dacia Sandero. These are indisputably the best.

AN OPPORTUNISTIC wedding planner is earning up to £2,400 per wedding for providing couples with a bespoke day identical to every other one.

A MAN obviously considers his beard and moustache to be the best thing he has ever done with his life, and may sadly be correct.

A MAN’S internal biological rhythms are telling him it is time to become a dad who does the absolute bare minimum.

A MAN openly smoking crack on the London Underground has made the news. It’s already known for its nutters, gangs and perverts, so how should you annoy and horrify passengers in your own inimitable way?

I GET it. Women on apps expect a man of my age to have settled down. The ones aged 24 to 29 anyway. I don’t know what ones over 30 would say. They’re not in my Tinder age range

MOVING house is widely acknowledged as the only way to live in a different house, but is it worth it? Or should you slump on the sofa looking as a wall you hate forever?

DO you live many, many miles from the sea, but still have a boat in your drive as if it were a short hop away? Go through our checklist.