I watch 18 certificate films and stay up until midnight: The lies you told gullible babysitters

WERE you ever looked after by a babysitter who was barely older than you? Here are all the ways you took advantage of their naivety.

Youth's tan sweat pants and sweatshirt make him look like a teddy bear

A TEEN’S attempts to look hard have been fatally undermined by his decision to wear a full tan sweatsuit that makes him resemble a giant cuddly toy.

The six times a day to spray yourself with Lynx: A teenage boy explains

NOT sure when you should be putting on deodorant? More often than you are now, says teenage Lynx addict Wayne Hayes.

Rural couple sell country cottage to live dream life of making shitloads of money in city

A COUPLE have given up their life in the country to pursue their dream of earning enormous salaries and living in a tiny property in London. 

Letting your partner buy your clothes, and other things that make you a pathetic man baby

ARE you a man who allows your partner to buy your underpants for you? Here are the other ways she's accidentally strayed into parenting you.

Porn site confident you want your wanking to be in the festive spirit

A HARDCORE porn website is convinced its various attempts to celebrate Christmas will be popular with people who went there to grimly wank themselves off.

Stock up on candles, batteries and print pornography, advises government

DEPUTY prime minister Oliver Dowden has advised Britons over-reliant on the internet to stock up on candles, batteries and pornographic magazines.

Christmas tree leaning because it's already pissed

THE reason your tree is lopsided no matter how much you adjust it is because it is already shitfaced, experts have confirmed.

Snowman hanging around to taunt you with how shit it is

A SNOWMAN you made in the back garden is to remain in place after all other snow melts to remind you of what a poor job you did.

Only so much slimming black can do, middle-aged goth confirms

A PORTLY middle-aged goth has confirmed there is a limit to the slimming capabilities of an all-black wardrobe.