Lifestyle

Downsizing parent bringing you anything charity shops won't take

A MOTHER moving to a smaller house is offloading tons of useless shite on her adult children rather than take it to the tip.

Your landlord, and other calls that are a real dilemma to pick up mid-wank

YOU don't want to answer the phone during your sexual ‘me time’, but it could be important. Here’s what you need to consider, depending on who it is.

Man wearing Ramones T-shirt asked if he knows there are newer bands

A MAN wearing a Ramones T-shirt in 2026 has been asked if he is aware there is more recent music.

How to party like accountants this financial New Year's Eve

EXCITED about the new tax year? Here’s how to party like an accountant before a thrilling new fiscal year begins in April. Don’t forget the Alka-Seltzer!

Changing a tap, and other useful skills you can learn by watching enough porn

WHY engage a professional when you’ve subliminally picked up everyday skills from seeing them in the opening scenes of filth? You already know how to do this.

Couple have four children but otherwise seem sane

AN outwardly normal couple have decided to have not one, not two, not three, but four children, it has emerged.

I'm sick of influencers filming their TikToks in front of my wheelie bin

ALL bloody day it goes on, from the golden light of dawn to well into the night. I get that it’s striking, but I’m f**king sick of influencers staging photos by my wheelie bin.

Giving way is a sign of weakness, drivers confirm

ALLOWING another road-user to take precedence over you is an unforgivable sign of weakness and should incur points, motorists have agreed.

Danes sex, Spanish sex, Germans opening windows: six European nations and what they're better at than you

CONTINENTAL Europe is better at everything than you stodgy Brits because they’re just so sophisticated. Here’s what they outshine you at, country by country.

Ellie-Maes, and other people who claim to have two first names

ONE was good enough for Jesus, Elvis and Buddha, but the greedy not only insist they have two first names but demand to be called by them. What can we learn from these freaks?