Lifestyle

Five embarrassing ways to stay young at heart

GETTING older but not happy about it? Here’s how to maintain the facade of youthfulness even if it means being a bit of a twat.

Seven jobs you've been putting off for three years that would take five minutes

WHY is it that some perfectly easy tasks are impossible to do? No one knows, but here are the piss-easy things you cannot get around to doing.

'You don't take this shit seriously, do you?' says style supplement editor

A SUNDAY paper style supplement editor has admitted she is just having a laugh and never expected anyone to go and buy mahogany sandals or a purple crushed velvet sofa.

Accidentally staying up doing f**k all until 1am again: a guide

DO you often have good intentions of getting an early night and instead find yourself mindlessly scrolling through your phone at 1.27am? Here's how it happens.

Do you need an SUV or do you live in Kensington?

ARE your days spent driving up mountains while dragging a horsebox, or do you want a car so needlessly big your spoilt kids can’t kick the back of your seat? Find out with this quiz.

How to pathetically prove you're cleverer than everyone else

DO you feel the constant need to prove your intellectual superiority? Here’s how to do it, as you’re not smart enough to work it out for yourself.

Six things middle-aged people probably shouldn't be into

IN your 40s but with hopelessly childish tastes? These are the hobbies that you need to drop to grow the f**k up.

barbecue

Key points for your crappy little Easter garden get-together

PLANNING an Easter get-together in your garden with a strictly limited number of family members? Make sure it’s no fun for anyone with these tips.

'Can’t believe we got through it' says employed homeowner with loving family and no worries

A MAN with no real-world problems is amazed that he and his family have survived the UK’s winter lockdown.

Five pretentious house names that mark you out as a twat

DO you have the urge to give your very ordinary home a wanky name? Here are some tried-and-tested examples for inspiration.

Man whose wife wants skirting boards painting knows how Jesus felt

A MAN whose wife has told him he must spend the Easter break painting the skirting boards feels he now fully understands Christ’s ordeal on the cross.

How you're going to squander your four-day weekend

A WEEKEND bookended by bank holidays is a rare opportunity to unwind from the stresses of life. Here’s how you’re going to completely waste it.