Lifestyle

Woman whose home looks stylish in video calls lying to herself and world

A WOMAN who made a corner of her flat appear minimalist and sleek for the purpose of video calls is starting to believe her own lies. 

'Glamping' just as shit as camping

GLAMPING is just camping with a wood-burning stove and a string of fairy lights, new research has found.

MDMA not great for social distancing, party reports

A PARTY has acknowledged that if you want to keep up social distancing, MDMA is not the right drug.

'I really like it in here', says man on toilet

A MAN who has been on the loo for the past 40 minutes while his family is downstairs has quietly admitted that this is the best part of his day.

Five staycations you can still be a middle class show-off about

HAVE travel chaos and quarantine ruined your plans for a posh foreign holiday you can show off about? Here are some horribly bourgeois British alternatives. 

Men who bring guitars to the park 'worst people ever'

MEN who take their guitars to parks and play them are the worst people in existence, it has been confirmed.

Only idiots enjoy very hot weather, say experts

PEOPLE who relish stifling temperatures of 30-plus degrees have smaller brains than those who do not, experts believe. 

Quarantine is the new skiing holiday, middle classes confirm

THE middle classes have confirmed that anyone returning to work or school without at least 10 days quarantine should be looked down on.

Beer helmets, and four other items of common sense PPE

NEED to protect yourself from this coronavirus year on every possible level? Try these items of non-medical PPE.

Feminist not sure she's feminist enough to keep lockdown body hair

A FEMINIST is not sure that she’s feminist enough to keep her lockdown body hair throughout August.

How to have a shite British holiday like when you were a kid

WITH foreign travel buggered and constant rain, conditions are perfect to recreate the wretchedly miserable UK holidays of your childhood.

How to stick to a socially distanced barbecue when you're pissed

Worried you’ll have too many glasses of Shiraz and attempt to sit on your partner’s attractive colleague’s knee? Here’s how to keep your distance to a strict one metre.