How to cope with an annoying bastard having a banging sex life in a shared house

LIVING with a flatmate who goes at it day and night? Here’s how to cope with the annoyance and envy of them constantly getting some.

Man relieved home repair needs professional tradesperson

A MAN has heaved a sigh of relief after an expert was called to fix a problem which was slightly too difficult for him to attempt himself.

Waving at people on boats, and other random shit Brits do for no reason

WE might ignore each other on trains, but we will cheer with wild abandon when a stranger drops a glass. Here are some of the weird things Brits love to do.

Pet birthdays and other non-occasions people think you should celebrate

LIFE is full of big moments that deserve recognition. Then there are these non-events which people weirdly expect you to celebrate.

A bloke's guide to all those bottles of shit in the bathroom

BEWILDERED by all those bottles your partner keeps in the bathroom? Learn what they are with this guide for men.

Six ways the cost-of-living crisis will affect your weekend

EVERYTHING costs more but you're bored. How will rampant inflation bugger up your attempt to enjoy a typical weekend?

Man thinks his satnav's journey times are for pussies

A MALE motorist feels the journey durations calculated by his satnav are a personal challenge he must beat to prove his manhood.

The wanker's guide to using French phrases in everyday speech

DO you want to experience the joie de vivre that comes with unnecessarily using French words in everyday conversation? Pretentious wanker Julian Cook shares his tips.

The self-entitled twat's guide to flying off on holiday

DO you think it’s fine to be a dick so long as you get your precious week in Malaga? Here mum-of-two Donna Sheridan explains how to behave like a f**king animal at the airport and beyond.

Six things sold at the farmers' market that are f**k all to do with farms

EVERYONE loves an airy morning at the farmers’ market blowing a week’s wages on two items. But what the f**k have these got to do with farms?