'My balls were about to rupture': The Guardian’s censored 'How we met' columns

‘HOW we met’ remains a popular feature in the Guardian's Lifestyle section, but some of the real-life stories were deemed too disturbing for readers. Here is a sample.

Seven seasonal sex positions to get you into the Christmas spirit

IT’S the time of year when everything must be Christmas-themed, including sexual intercourse. Try these red-hot positions that will jingle your bells or whatever.

Six hair mistakes from history Gen Z refuse to learn from

THE mullet is a warning from history, but for all Gen Z’s supposed social awareness it is a warning they have failed to heed. They are doomed to repeat these mistakes.

Neither minicab driver nor passenger actually wants to listen to Smooth FM

A MINICAB ride was ruined for both driver and passenger thanks to a radio station they both hated listening to.  

You're not a silver fox just because you've gone grey, man told

GOING grey does not automatically make you a mature object of desire, it has been confirmed.

The 10 best wanks of 2023

WE’VE all got our opinions on the best albums, films and TV shows of the year, but which wanks really stood out from the crowd in 2023? Here are our picks.

Sexy shaved fanny like flea infestation

A WOMAN who shaved her pubic hair has found that any erotic value is cancelled out by the itching red fire in her knickers. 

Cheeky f**ker puts £50 limit on Secret Santa

A PRESUMPTIOUS twat has ruined Secret Santa for all her friends by setting an extortionate cost limit on gifts.

Mum only asking what you want for Christmas so she can challenge it

A MOTHER has asked her children what they would like for Christmas so she can use their answers to deliver much-needed criticism of their lives.

I watch 18 certificate films and stay up until midnight: The lies you told gullible babysitters

WERE you ever looked after by a babysitter who was barely older than you? Here are all the ways you took advantage of their naivety.