What downmarket crap will delight your kids most this half-term?

KIDS will hate the educational activities you have planned for half-term. However they will lovingly remember these lowbrow experiences forever.

'Adulting' and other phrases so wanky they make your skin itch

SOME modern phrases are so godawful they make you want to squirm yourself inside out. Here are the worst offenders.

Seven cold, wet, miserable places to holiday in Britain this half-term

THE October half-term is here. Where are you going for another doomed attempt at a holiday? Try these hellholes.

Not going to university, and other things people are weirdly proud of

NEVER achieved much? Imagine you’re special and boost your self-esteem by taking a weird amount of pride in these non-achievements.

Should you get three weeks paid leave to bond with a new pet? F**k no

YOU’VE got a new puppy. Should your employer give you three weeks paid leave to enjoy learning to live and grow together? F**k they should.

13 incredibly f**king inconvenient times your children urgently need you

KIDS been quiet for five minutes? Cause a massive childcare emergency by attempting to do one of these simple things.

Single man has single pan

A SINGLE man who lives by himself owns and does all his cooking with one single pan, it has emerged.

The seven things you used to have that are worth absolutely shitloads now

THAT thing you used to have? Selling for a grand on eBay now. If only you'd kept it, along with all this shit.

Woman unleashes Armageddon by leaving school mums' WhatsApp group

A WOMAN has unleashed Armageddon by removing herself from a WhatsApp group for school mums.

Free gifts on comics: Rubbish things you had to have as a kid

AS a child did you think you’d die if you didn’t own certain items of tat? Here are the things you pestered your parents endlessly to get.