Are you the mighty ruler of your household's TV remote? Take our quiz

DO you rule the viewing habits of your household with an iron fist? Find out with this quiz.

Baldness and other physical traits which make you invisible to the opposite sex

WONDERING why you are not turning the heads of the opposite sex? You're probably afflicted with these physical traits.

Don't refill your Jacuzzi every day: the selfish bastard's guide to saving water

WANT to help save water during the drought? Follow the advice and sacrifices of selfish moron Roy Hobbs.

The version of your home life you present to guests versus the reality

DO you pretend to have a different home life when people visit? Here are five things that are at odds with the squalid truth.

Five family activities attempted once a year when it's stupidly hot

WANT to keep the family busy in this sweltering heat? Try these activities which are an annual lesson in misery.

'I’m so hideous,' tweets staggeringly beautiful woman

A STUNNING woman with the face and physique of a supermodel took to Twitter to tell the world she resembles a ‘horrible ugly little toad’.

Racist scarecrow competitions, and other shit that only happens in small villages

THERE are thousands of tiny villages across our green and pleasant land, each with their own weird shit going on, Here are five things that only happen there:

Parent hopes crying child isn't injured enough for them to have to get up

A TIRED mum is silently hoping her yelling son is not hurt badly enough for her to have to move from the sofa.

Reading graphic novels, and other male hobbies that really get the ladies going

WOMEN love a man with interests - especially if they’re as sexually-charged as these. If you’re not already a devotee of one of these hobbies, try them and brace yourself for a sexual tsunami.

Mum on holiday abroad making horrible attempt to pronounce words correctly

A MOTHER on holiday abroad is trying and failing to pronounce foreign words correctly, it has been confirmed.