Lifestyle

YOU have arrived at your chosen university and a year’s study stretches ahead of you but you’ve got thousands in your pocket right now. Here’s how you’ll waste it.

A MAN who in a physical sense has lost his virginity is still a sexless loser deep down in his soul.

A 42-YEAR-OLD who was a pariah in youth for not drinking, not having sex, being right-wing and having a mullet is gratified to see those things become cool.

EVERYONE loves a get-together they organised, full of their mates. Everyone except the partner they’re dragging along who develops a terrible cough the night before.

UNIVERSITY beckons for thousands of teenagers, but independence comes at a price. Here’s what you face without mum and dad as backup.

THOUSANDS of self-satisfied twats who ‘prefer to holiday in September’ are not looking quite so clever as they begin their second day at the airport.

WANT to take your influencer videos to the next level by completing your bucket list while balls-deep in your lady? Don’t. I tried and I botched all my life goals.

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple are still reeling after an electrician working on their home off-handedly compared the two luxury holidays he has so far taken this year.

IRONICALLY sprouting hair from new locations just as you’re going bald is a normal part of aging. Your barber now discreetly asks if you’d like these to be shaped.

A MAN has stressed that he is a modest chap with simple porn tastes.