Lifestyle

STAG and hen dos are now a f**king nightmare for everyone involved, so baby showers were the logical next step.

THE government’s new Fuel Finder scheme will send drivers rushing about for cheaper petrol to save a breathtaking £40 a year. Here’s how to let it take over your life.

A 40-YEAR-OLD man has insisted that quitting his job, moving his stuff into storage and going travelling to find himself is definitely not a sign that his life has quietly derailed.

FINES for taking children on term-time holidays have hit a record high, so all the more reason to pretend it was a vital experience and not just arsing around somewhere hot. Try these excuses.

A MAN who has no time to himself due to his three children is jealous of victims of the male loneliness epidemic.

EVEN when idiot parents deign to give their child an ordinary name they cannot get it right, for there is no spellcheck in the registry office. The bearers of these are marked for life.

A COUPLE on a weekend in Spain are feigning interest in a boring old cathedral because it is too early to start drinking.

A REFORMED character has admitted he cannot bring to mind the last occasion when he exposed his bare buttocks to the world as a statement.

NEW hobbies, sports and joining bloody book clubs are proposed as cures for the January blues, but what about an innovative new approach to self-pleasuring? Give these a go.

LOOK, I just think it’s unfair I’m suddenly the bad guy when you never said, in clear terms: ‘Please don’t walk around the flat stark bollock naked like a Victorian asylum patient.’