Lifestyle

Six involuntary noises made by the middle-aged

YOU used to have enough energy to get out of bed without giving a weird grunt. Here are some other involuntary noises you make when you reach middle age.

How stewed should your tea be? Find out your professional Northerner rating

FANCY being a professional Northerner to get attention and respect? There’s a strict Northern code of conduct you must adhere to. See if you can pass our test.

Why moving out of London was the best thing I ever did then the worst and why I regret moving back again

I WAS fed up of the rat race, the dreary commute, living in the armpits of sweaty businessmen on the 7.15 train, the tired cliche of unfriendly strangers rushing by without time to say ‘Hello’.

The stingy bastard's guide to riding out the cost of living crisis

INFLATION got you worried? Bills rocketing? Can’t pay rent? Not me, because I’m a tight bastard. Let me show you how to cut costs to zero.

Astrologer starting to worry it's all bullshit

AN astrologer of 30 years’ standing has begun to wonder if the horoscopes she provides are actually accurate in any way.

Woman in luxurious bath surrounded by candles bored as f**k

A WOMAN who ran herself a luxurious bubble bath to relax in got out after eight minutes because she was utterly bored.

Perving over your neighbours, and other reasons to be a creep with a ring camera

GOT a camera on your doorbell that you claim is for security reasons? Here’s what you really use it for.

Woman buys coat she's too embarrassed to wear

A WOMAN has bought a funky, brightly coloured coat that she is too embarrassed to step outside in.

Pampas grass means swingers: Sex secrets of the suburbs

THE British suburbs may seem a sexless desert of women in gardening kneepads and men washing cars, but they are actually red-hot pits of depravity. These are the signs.

Calling your teacher 'mum': Embarrassing moments you still relive every single week

SOME moments are so embarrassing that the memory of them pops up on shuffle every few days. Here are some low points in your life you'll be made to relive.