Lifestyle

A MAN who attempted to chat up a woman in a dog park has been outed as a loather of dogs pretty much immediately.

AN 18-year-old beginning his second week at university has already found the person who he will be desperate to avoid all the way until graduation.

I WAS all ready for the school run. Miu Miu coat. Mulberry bag. Devastating list of my children’s achievements. Then nothing happened, because I’m in Warrington.

A MAN is pining for the days of tastefully shot softcore porn that did not feature stepmoms or being stuck in washing machines.

YOU have arrived at your chosen university and a year’s study stretches ahead of you but you’ve got thousands in your pocket right now. Here’s how you’ll waste it.

A MAN who in a physical sense has lost his virginity is still a sexless loser deep down in his soul.

A 42-YEAR-OLD who was a pariah in youth for not drinking, not having sex, being right-wing and having a mullet is gratified to see those things become cool.

EVERYONE loves a get-together they organised, full of their mates. Everyone except the partner they’re dragging along who develops a terrible cough the night before.

UNIVERSITY beckons for thousands of teenagers, but independence comes at a price. Here’s what you face without mum and dad as backup.

THOUSANDS of self-satisfied twats who ‘prefer to holiday in September’ are not looking quite so clever as they begin their second day at the airport.