Lifestyle

GOOD morning. Today we’re hearing from Johan, who’s dealing with some unusual horticultural conditions because he’s woken up with a f**king ship in the garden.

A WOMAN whose body has adjusted to holding a takeaway coffee in every waking moment is no longer able to stand upright without one.

A MAN has decided the best way to clean his shower is to wash himself in it.

IS YOUR stag or hen do almost affordable? Has the sheer expense not caused you to lose a single friend? You’re doing it wrong. Here’s how to boost the cost.

SUNSHINE means bared flesh and the exposure of bad inking decisions usually mercifully hidden by clothing. These tattoos are both generic and regrettable.

BILL Gates is giving away 99 per cent of his $200 billion fortune over the next 20 years, but how are you going to claim your share?

THE male loneliness epidemic has been traced back to an accidental release of nerdy merchandise from Forbidden Planet, research has found.

WILD beavers released into Britain are lazing around on riverbanks posing for social media photos rather than building dams.

AN obviously gay man appears to be the only person in his circle of friends, acquaintances and family to have no inkling of his sexuality.

THE government has banned schools from forcing pupils to buy more than three branded items a year. But it cannot stop kids twisting the uniform code in the most dickish of ways.