Playing cricket in England for five days ‘practical joke that went too far’
THE idea of holding a five-day cricket match in England was initially conceived as a prank, it has emerged.
The Government’s real and completely amazing no-deal Brexit plans
THE Government has revealed its real no-deal Brexit plans, drawn up by Michael Gove and his 14-year-old son at their Cornish holiday cottage yesterday afternoon.
Idiots at outdoor cinema shiver through film they’ve seen before
Film fans at an outdoor cinema event insisted they had a great time shivering through a film they have all seen several times before.
Woman’s handbag basically a dustbin with leather handles
A WOMAN’S designer leather handbag has gradually evolved into a crap-filled portable dustbin.
Best not to think about what cheese is, say experts
EXPERTS have agreed that it is best for everyone if we neither think about nor acknowledge what cheese actually is.
Woman becomes self help guru simply by putting every 10th word in all-caps
A WOMAN has become a self help guru after accidentally putting every 10th word she writes in capital letters.
Whistleblower reveals Britain’s universities ‘full of dweebs’
AN anonymous whistleblower has revealed that Britain's universities are hotbeds of dweebish behaviour.
Best man’s speech makes everyone realise groom is genuinely awful person
A BEST man speech has succeeded in turning everyone the groom has ever cared about against him.
The toddler’s guide to being taken to a music festival
IT may feel as if your parents are trying to traumatise or actually kill you by taking you to a music festival, but they are just idiots. Here's how to avoid being mentally scarred for life.
How to handle a family car journey without jumping out the f*cking window
ARE you about to be trapped inside a metal box on wheels with your family for hours on end? Here’s how to survive:
Five utterly pointless debates you can’t help getting sucked into
DO you sometimes get drawn into mindless ‘debates’ then bitterly regret wasting your time? Here are some classics to avoid.
2000 AD reader ruins date by saying woman looks ‘zarjaz’
A MAN has ruined his chance to form a romantic relationship by using an invented slang word to describe his date.
How to pretend today’s torrential rain isn’t ruining your British holiday
PARTS of Britain will today get a month’s rain in a day, but how will you claim it isn’t making your British break a nightmare? Try these tips.
Pedants literally give up over misuse of ‘literally’
BRITAIN’S pedants have conceded defeat over persistent misuse of the word ‘literally’.
Six incredibly bad film remake ideas
WITH an unnecessary remake of The Lion King in cinemas, how far can the film industry take this creatively bankrupt trend? Here are some ideas.
A-Level student wins first choice of average university and p*ss-easy course
AN A-Level student is celebrating getting the grades to go to a low-level university and do a course that will mean he can stay in bed most days.
Kid perfectly fit and well all day has 6,000 ailments at bedtime
A GIRL who felt perfectly well all day long has suddenly developed 6,000 mystery illnesses at bedtime.
Dog going through mid-life crisis shagging owner’s other leg
A DOG experiencing a mid-life crisis has begun shagging his owner’s other leg to make him feel young and virile again.
New football season make everything better for man
ALL bad stuff in world gone away now football back, say man.
How are you using your phone to ruin nights out?
OVERUSING your phone can ruin an evening, unless all your mates are tw*ts who only want to obsessively check their emails too. Here’s how make a sociable night totally pointless.
