Why A-levels are bullshit, by someone with a D and two Es
I BELIEVE now is the time to address the issue of A-levels being stupid bullshit, which has nothing to do with my somewhat underwhelming results of D, E, E and U.
‘I’m happy for you’ actually means ‘No I’m f**king not’
PEOPLE are never telling the truth when they claim to be happy for you, research has confirmed.
Which WhatsApp group is ruining your life?
WHICH WhatsApp group is taking up all your time and sapping your will to live?
Woman sure poor people will love pile of crap she’s taken to charity shop
A WOMAN is convinced her donations to a charity shop are bringing joy to others, despite them just being rubbish she wants out of the house.
Experts on house prices not twats like other experts, UK decides
EXPERTS warning of a fall in house prices should be treated like wise sages while everyone else is ignored, Britain has decided.
Glamping just like staying in luxury hotel but you also crap in a hole
GLAMPING is exactly like staying at a posh hotel except you have to defecate into a hole in the ground, it has emerged.
Kids unable to play without doing weird American accent
CHILDREN adopt annoying American accents when playing and nobody really knows why, it has emerged.
Twats up ante by going to foreign music festival
SMUG twats who live to outdo their friends have upped the ante by attending a music festival in Portugal.
Romantic wild swim ends in severe bout of the shits
A COUPLE who thought it would be romantic to swim naked in a tranquil river have ended up with a nasty dose of diarrhoea and some tetanus booster jabs.
Dog horrified to discover owner is low-ranking beta male
A DOG has been shocked to discover his owner is not a pack leader but a lowly subordinate.
Vaper confident that caramel-flavoured nicotine gas could never be detrimental to health
A VAPE user doesn’t believe that inhaling gallons of flavoured nicotine mist might be somehow be unhealthy.
Which subliminal mind-control messages will be on Strictly this year?
AS the new Strictly Come Dancing approaches, which subliminal messages will it contain to keep the population in a state of sheep-like docility? Here they are in full.
Couple who bought house now interested in ‘the economy’
A COUPLE who bought a house are suddenly interested in 'the economy', their friends have confirmed.
Dressing dog up a cry for help
A WOMAN dressing her dog up in human outfits is not doing too well, she has confirmed.
Company seeking ‘superstar’ settles for deeply mediocre office drone
A COMPANY that wrote a sickeningly over-the-top advert for a boring job has had to rethink its expectations.
Woman who finishes friends’ sentences on f**king thin ice
A WOMAN who finishes the ends of her friends' sentences is on fucking thin ice, it has been confirmed.
Mum fends off robbers by telling them about her blog
A BRAVE mother-of-two fought off handbag thieves by describing her blog about the trials and tribulations of being a mum.
Government commits £49 to tent for the homeless
THE government has unveiled plans to eradicate homelessness by buying a tent from Millets.
Woman trapped in hateful job working with stupid bastards for evil corporation seems a bit grumpy today
COLLEAGUES of a woman who is basically a slave to a vast evil corporation run by bastards have asked her why she’s being a bit moody.
Box of green tea in office kitchen now longest-serving member of staff
A BOX of green tea in an office kitchen has now been there longer than any of the employees.
