Mum blows entire life savings at school fete
A MOTHER-of-two has spent every single penny she had in a single afternoon at the school’s summer fete.
Colleges offer Level 5 NVQ in changing a duvet cover
COLLEGES keen to equip students with key life skills are introducing a National Vocational Qualification in putting a cover on a duvet.
Women do walk of shame to hen night
A GROUP of women have been spotted doing the 11am walk of shame to their city-centre hotel for a hen night.
Recommended serving sizes told to mind their own f**king business
SO-CALLED serving sizes have been told to go fuck themselves.
How Madonna will out-weird Eurovision
EVERY year, Brits gather at the home of their gayest friend to laugh at Eurovision and end up being totally weirded out by what Latvia considers pop music.
Your guide to the f**kheads, wankers and creeps who want to be next Tory leader
THEY’RE off! The starting gun has been fired, Theresa May’s long, slow demise is drawing to a close, and an absolute arsehole will succeed her. But which one?
Pensioner thinks having a job once means he should get everything free
A PENSIONER who worked all his life like most people in the UK somehow believes it entitles him to getting everything for free.
How much more of a twat can Morrissey be?
MORRISSEY has once again depressed everyone by wearing an anti-Muslim ‘For Britain’ badge. But can the former Smiths singer become a bigger knobhead?
Woman finds men don’t like constructive criticism of dick pics
A WOMAN who receives unsolicited pictures of penises has discovered that the men who send them do not seem to appreciate her feedback.
Five ways to join in the leg-washing ‘debate’ even though it’s idiotic
MANY people have admitted they don’t wash their legs in the shower, sparking a furious Twitter ‘debate’. Here are some handy comments to help you join in.
Corbyn ruins old folks’ coach trip to Whitby
LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn ruined a day out to Whitby for all the other pensioners by being an awkward sod, it has emerged.
Maniac eats chocolate at bottom of Cornetto first
A MAN always eats the bit of chocolate at the bottom of a Cornetto first instead of saving it until the end like a normal person.
Kate wears ordinary dress that cost two grand
THE UK has apparently gone wild for a perfectly ordinary, boring dress worn by the Duchess of Cambridge that cost almost two fucking grand.
Awful middle class child looking for second treehouse as an investment
A MIDDLE class child is on the lookout for a second treehouse in order to make a killing on the property market.
Twat looking for new series he can feel superior about not watching
AS Game Of Thrones concludes, a man is seeking out another TV show he can ostentatiously make a point of not watching.
Millennial resigns herself to having ‘plant babies’
A WOMAN who cannot afford to buy a house and fill it with children has decided to become the 'mum' of her houseplants instead.
The teenager’s guide to why exams are bullshit
HAVE you done very little revision and are worried you’ll fail your GCSEs? Don’t worry - teenager Tom Booker is on hand to explain why exams are bullshit.
Global warming is excellent, sunbather tells other morons
A WOMAN has actually told her friends that climate change is fine because she has already got a tan in May.
Professional Northerner oddly reluctant to meet other Northerners
A MAN who never shuts up about being a Northerner avoids meeting anyone else from the region, colleagues have noticed.
How to know when to give the f**k up on something
DO YOU, like Theresa May bringing her Brexit deal back for a fourth time, not know how to stop flogging a dead horse?
