Middle class family on day trip to estate agent’s window
A MIDDLE class family has decided to treat itself by going on a day trip to an estate agent’s window.
Woman trying to be kinky inserts finger in boyfriend’s ear
A WOMAN has inserted her finger in her boyfriend's ear in a bid to be kinky.
Baby’s ‘quirky personality’ consists of crying and sh*tting
A BABY'S habit of crying and defecating constantly are part of his 'quirky personality', it has been confirmed.
Man using dating app acting like he has standards
A MAN has allowed his use of a dating app to convince himself that he has any standards whatsoever.
Woman’s natural state is brunch
A WOMAN has confirmed that her natural state of being is eating avocado toast and drinking wine before noon.
Parents finally meet daughter’s booty call
THE parents of a 26-year-old woman are excited to finally meet their daughter's casual sex partner.
Middle class parents horribly smug about their kid liking olives
A MIDDLE class mum and dad are nauseatingly proud of the fact that their two-year-old likes the taste of olives.
How to be an offended baby boomer
DO you feel you’re being unfairly attacked for being a baby boomer, despite believing anyone with a grievance is a ‘snowflake’? Here’s what to do.
Man thinks it’s cool to say his girlfriend lets him do things
A MAN is under the impression it is cool to pretend his girlfriend is the boss of him.
Corbyn still thinks the internet is educational
JEREMY Corbyn is promising the nation free broadband because he still believes the internet is an educational tool, it has emerged.
Boris Johnson’s flood advice for commoners
APPARENTLY some moaning minnies are unhappy with my handling of the floods, but I say they just need to show a bit of pluck and spunk! Here is my advice.
John Lewis Christmas advert stars dragon who burns his own d*ck off
THE new John Lewis advert stars Excitable Edgar, a dragon who burns off his own penis and has to wait until Christmas for a new one.
Your guide to creating a b*llocks Brexit slogan
NEED to convince people to vote for your terrible Brexit deal? Get them on board with a deeply patronising slogan. Here’s how.
What are you interrupting to check your phone?
ARE you being annoying enough about obsessively checking your phone? Here are some great situations to rudely interrupt.
How to be a friend who gives sh*t advice
WOULD you like to be one of those annoying friends who gives terrible advice about situations you don’t understand? Follow this guide.
Hairdresser’s hair not inspiring confidence in hairdressing abilities
A HAIRDRESSER’S hair is inspiring fear rather than confidence in her hair styling abilities.
Man naively thinks last bit of toilet roll will be enough
A MAN wrongly assumed that the last few sheets of bog paper would be enough for his requirements.
Joy as director’s cut actually involves some cutting
A DIRECTOR who shortened his original film rather than load an extra, pointless hour onto it has been widely praised.
How to be a deeply unlikeable Remainer
BREXITERS are frequently criticised for being shouty and unreasonable, but – fair’s fair – Remainers can be obnoxious too. Here’s how.
How to be a kn*bhead about wearing earbuds
THINK wireless earbuds make you look cool? Only until one falls out into your skinny macchiato. Here’s how to be even more of a twat about them.
