Six ways to spend your last weekend in the EU
BRITAIN leaves the EU once and for all on Friday, never to look back and never to return. So how are you spending your final weekend as a European?
How to get through your child’s sports match
IT’S FREEZING cold and it’s raining but you’ve still got to sit through your kid’s five-a-side game followed by two hours of touch-rugby. Here’s how to endure it.
Saturday night plans to ‘large it’ downgraded to ‘medium it’
A GROUP of men in their 30s have downgraded their Saturday night 'larging it' plans to 'mediuming it' instead.
Listening to audiobooks ‘does not count as reading’
LISTENING to audiobooks does not count as reading, the publishing industry has confirmed.
£3.80 pint of beer deemed adequate payment for helping mate move house
A SINGLE pint of lager has been deemed full compensation for eight hours of hard manual labour helping a friend move.
Nobody wants to eat cookies baked by a four-year-old
A FOUR-YEAR-OLD has baked cookies that everybody is doing their level best to not actually eat, they have confirmed.
How to make meetings absolute hell for everyone else
IF you’re forced to attend dull meetings, why not vent your frustration by making them utterly unbearable for others? Here’s how.
The six most pointless ways to panic about the coronavirus
THE coronavirus is on the other side of the world and experts are confident it will not affect you. So how are you losing your sh*t about it?
40-year-old man unaware he has 40-year-old metabolism
A 40-YEAR-OLD man has not realised his metabolism has aged at the same rate as the rest of his increasingly flabby body.
Experts confirm most gruelling exercise is ‘shopping for jeans’
FITNESS experts and scientists have unanimously decided that the hardest exercise a human can do is going round the shops trying on new jeans.
Are you enough of a gobsh*te to be on Question Time?
BBC Question Time has faced criticism for the idiots it gives airtime to. So are you enough of a gobsh*te to be on the panel or in the audience? Take our test.
Under no circumstances will man hold handbag for girlfriend in public
A MAN absolutely will not carry his partner’s handbag for her in public, ever.
The five most annoying habits of your retired parents
ARE you constantly driven up the wall by your elderly parents’ strange behaviour? Here’s how to cope with their most annoying habits.
Are you a psychopath or do you sleep next to someone who snores?
DO you fantasise about murdering your partner while they sleep? Take our quiz and find out if you’re a cold-blooded psychopath or just sick of their snoring.
House prices falling is terrible, homeowner tells renter friend
A HOMEOWNER feels a friend who rents should be more sympathetic about her not making as much money as she expected on a property.
Man ‘weighing in’ on debate about period poverty advised to get to f**k
A MAN who thought a conversation about ‘period poverty’ needed his ill-informed opinions has been told in strong terms that it did not.
Daily Mail renames itself the Daily F**k You Meghan We Hate You
THE Daily Mail has renamed itself the Daily F**k You Meghan We Hate You in recognition of its core focus as a publication.
Couple with sign saying ‘This kitchen is for dancing’ mainly use it for drinking
A KITCHEN with a twee little sign saying it is used for dancing is mainly used for getting hammered on Shiraz.
How to cope with the rest of your life when you peaked at secondary school
WERE you incredibly popular aged 11-16 but have since become one more drop in humanity’s ocean? Here’s what to do to feel special again.
Woman hoping to bounce back from decade of drinking and smoking with sheet mask
A 34-YEAR-OLD woman believes she can reverse the damage inflicted by years of fags and booze with a rejuvenating face mask.
