Bullshit controversies of the 2020s vs the 1980s – which were best?
HARDLY a week goes by without some confected controversy like ‘cancel culture’. But how do they compare with the public outrages of the 1980s? Let’s find out.
How to get university students on your side, by Gavin Williamson
I’M confident I can stamp out ‘cancel culture’ on campuses because, as education secretary, I have a deep understanding of young people. Here’s how I intend to win them over.
Five fantastic new emojis just for Guardian readers
EXISTING emojis are fine for plebs, but don’t convey the complex feelings of Guardian readers. As Apple launches more than 200 new ones, here are some just for them.
How to embarrass yourself horribly while getting vaccinated
WITH the vaccine programme working its way down the age groups, it might not be long before you are making a tit of yourself as you get vaccinated. Here’s how.
Only get a neck tattoo if you’re famous, advises man with neck tattoo
A MAN believes it is best to hold off getting a tattoo covering all of your neck until you are rich, famous and highly desirable to women anyway.
Why cases are actually declining, by a moronic lockdown sceptic
DO you stupidly believe there’s a connection between lockdown measures and falling infection rates? Lockdown sceptic Wayne Hayes explains what’s really sending the virus packing.
Six terrible TV shows you can’t believe you loved as a kid
THANKS to the internet it’s easy to fondly revisit a programme you loved as a child, only to discover it was utter shit. Here are some of the most egregious examples.
Millennial convinced pensions are a joke
A MILLENNIAL has been left in a state of shock after being informed that pensions are real.
Going abroad and four other things it’s piss-easy to give up this lent
WANT to enjoy the smugness associated with abstinence but also can’t really be arsed? This year there are several things you can give up without even trying.
Resurrecting mammoths: five stories newspapers will never get sick of printing
PUZZLED as to how newspapers fill up their column inches on a daily basis? Here are five bullshit stories they can't help but run regularly.
Woman settling down in front of TV to look at phone
A WOMAN is looking forward to a night in front of the television looking at her phone.
How I would rewrite British history, by a gammon
THE government is rightly holding a 'heritage summit' to defend British history against woke bastards, and I think rewriting the story of our proud island is a great idea. Here’s how I would improve it.
The Tory backbencher’s batshit plan for ending lockdown right now
TORY MPs have written to the PM demanding a swift end to lockdown. Here weird backbencher Denys Finch Hatton explains how we should be throwing caution to the wind.
Make them gluten free, and other ways to f**k up Pancake Day
SUGAR, lemon and basic batter is all that's needed for the perfect pancake. However, some people love to f**k around trying to be clever about it. Here are the worse ways to mess up Pancake Day.
500 valuable LPs, and other things that get chucked when you move in with someone
Moving in with your partner is blissful, apart from the moment when discover they've got rid of some of your most cherished possessions. Here are some of the things you'll lose:
Zoom interview adorably interrupted by cute little unemployed adult daughter
A live television interview has gone viral after the interviewee's office was disturbed by the arrival of an unexpected, fully grown guest.
New Zealand halfway through gruelling three-day lockdown
FOLLOWING the discovery of a handful of local Covid-19 cases, New Zealand is currently halfway through a demanding three-day lockdown.
Anne Robinson already preparing sarcastic bollocks for Countdown
ANNE Robinson is enthusiastically preparing snide put-downs based on word puzzles and maths problems after being confirmed as the new host of Countdown.
How to maintain a low profile, by Harry and Meghan
WANT to live a quiet life? Retiring wallflowers the Duke and Duchess of Sussex give their tips on how to successfully stay out of the public eye.
Five trendy career changes for tiresome twats
ARE you a tiresome individual determined to follow your pretentious dreams? Read our guide to your next bullshit career move.











