JASON Momoa. Actor, Aquaman and all round hunk - but could he sort out the Brexit mess? Probably not, but he is very handsome...
A KINGFISHER going about his day is feeling uncomfortable about being watched by a strange man with binoculars.
RUGBY World Cup officials who cancelled matches because of a typhoon a 'bunch of fairies', according to a retired PE teacher.
MOVIE Week, Hallowe’en Week, Killing-Time-Until-Christmas Week... There’s no end to Strictly’s crapulent theme nights, as we stomp on through a series that’s a about a month too long and 10 contestants too big. So what sort of Strictly special would actually be special?
YOU might be concerned about the climate crisis but your comfortable, SUV driving, cocaine sniffing mates couldn’t give two sh*ts. Turn them into activists by pretending it’s a stag do.
LEADING WAG detective Coleen Rooney has already unmasked Rebekah Vardy as pure evil, but what other historical mysteries could she solve?
A COUPLE have decided to spice things up in the bedroom by having sex.
BORIS Johnson claims to be able to see his way to a Brexit deal, which would leave you looking a right d*ck. Here’s how to find fault.
PARENTS are using playdates as an excuse to get smashed in the afternoons, they have confirmed.
A SELF-EMPLOYED man has confessed that the business he runs should really have let him go in 2018.
IS your marriage a hopeless, rotting husk that needs to be ended as soon as possible for everyone’s sake, or do you just need a toastie? Find out:
A WOMAN has admitted that the main reason she is having a baby is to quit the booze for nine months.
AN office worker is going around sneezing and then blatantly touching things, co-workers have confirmed.
FOR the third year in a row a woman has paid the entry fee for a half-marathon she will not actually run.
A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck.
Being an Account of how a Gentleman may spend his Days, for the Edification of the Troglodytic Classes
MILITANT vegans blockading the meat aisles of a supermarket have been scattered by a delicate but deliberate draught of air.
A TOTAL numpty who has won £170m on the lottery has claimed he will not let it change him, even though that is manifestly the whole point.
TRAIN passengers have called for services to include a dedicated wanker carriage where wankers can go about their business in peace.
A COUPLE who thought a cycling holiday would be a wonderful adventure changed their minds after two miles of cycling.