Northerner attempts to pay on London bus with correct change
A NORTHERNER visiting London has caused chaos after attempting to pay a bus driver with exact change.
Alcohol-free dinner party really, incredibly long
GUESTS at a dinner party are bitterly rueing their host’s reckless decision to make this one ‘booze-free for a change’.
The six best sexual positions you’ll only do three of
BORED of your sex life? Why not read about these wild new sexual positions, suggest to your partner you try them, and then not bother because surely sex is one thing you shouldn’t over-complicate?
Vicar unable to explain plot holes in Bible
CHILDREN at a Sunday school are asking their vicar more and more difficult questions about the Bible, none of which he seems able to answer.
Apostrophe added to endangered species list
THE apostrophe has been added to the list of endangered species in the UK.
Sweaty woman determined to wear winter coat
A WOMAN refusing to remove her winter coat despite it still being quite warm out is sweating like a pig, she has admitted.
Theresa May’s guide to never answering a single f**king question
ARE people constantly asking you annoying, awkward questions? Here are my foolproof ways of never giving a straight answer.
‘Am I a bellend like that?’ asks horrified Trump
A SHAKEN President Trump has asked aides if he resembles Kanye West after the egomaniac rapper visited the Oval Office.
Play the Princess Eugenie’s wedding drinking game
THE tedious televised nuptials of Princess Eugenie and some bloke will be more fun if you’re pissed, so play our royal wedding-themed drinking game.
Caravan holidays just gateway to swinging, grandparents admit
CARAVAN holidays are a tentative step towards kinky retirement-age swinging, the nation’s grandparents have admitted.
Being on Facebook not a medical qualification, idiots told
OWNING a Facebook account does not mean you can give all your friends dodgy medical advice, doctors have warned.
Man who last had a fight in 1978 still reckons he could handle himself
A MAN whose last fight was at primary school against a smaller boy believes he still has what it takes if shit went down.
The no-nonsense Northerner’s guide to spiritual wellbeing
‘WELLNESS’ is one of the buzzwords of the moment. Here straight-talking Northerner Roy Hobbs gives his advice on improving your spiritual health.
Man still dicking about with his hair in his 40s
A MAN is still experimenting with fashionable hairstyles despite reaching the age where it is fairly pointless.
Gay rights have gone to kind of a weird place, campaigner admits
A LIFELONG campaigner for gay rights has admitted he never expected the battle to become quite so cake-focused.
Parents avoid hassle of going to theme park by emptying wallets into bog
AN ingenious couple have saved themselves a whole day of queuing at Thorpe Park by just emptying their wallets into the toilet.
Phone not left to charge overnight going to be a real prick all day now
A PHONE that was not charged properly now plans to be a real pain in the arse by looking as if it will run out of battery at any moment.
Tesco to scrap ‘best before’ dates because they are bollocks
TESCO is getting rid of ‘best before’ dates on fruit and vegetables because they are all made up by a bloke in packaging anyway.
Taylor Swift endorses Plaid Cymru
AMERICAN pop star Taylor Swift has broken her silence on political matters to support Welsh independence.
Universities remove requirement to be into Radiohead
STUDENTS must no longer show ‘an appreciation or enjoyment of the music of Radiohead’ to attend university after a change in rules.
