How are you pretending to be busy at work?
WHAT devious techniques are you using to look as if you’re working when you’re not? Read our guide - and maybe even learn some new ways to skive!
Couple move to countryside for simpler life of getting up at 5am to commute
A COUPLE have moved to a small village so that they can enjoy fresh air, long walks, and catching a train to work at an insanely early hour.
Excessive exclamation mark users vow they will ‘never stop!!!’
PEOPLE who use a ludicrous number of exclamation marks have refused to write in a less annoying style.
‘Generation Sensible’ mainly into being sanctimonious little twats in surveys
A NEW generation of young people are rejecting sex, drugs and alcohol in favour of wanking on about their mature lifestyle in surveys.
Man who introduces himself with ‘I’m an atheist’ not much fun at parties
A MAN who immediately tells people he does not believe in god or organised religion is not a barrel of laughs at social gatherings.
Woman finds herself in fast walking race with person behind her
A WOMAN found herself trying to walk faster than someone behind her for no good reason, it has emerged.
‘I’m not Trump,’ says Trump
DONALD Trump has denied being this ‘President Trump’ who has apparently done something bad.
Man thinks not liking things is the same as having a personality
A MAN thinks disliking popular stuff makes him interesting, it has emerged.
Totally chaotic, f**ked-up mess of a family to get third dog
A FAMILY that exists in a state of filthy chaos has agreed that it would be great to get a third dog.
Work anniversaries are not a thing, world informs LinkedIn
HUMANS do not celebrate the anniversary of getting their job, the world has told LinkedIn.
Woman whose boyfriend says he likes ‘natural look’ to stop washing
A WOMAN whose boyfriend claims he likes women who look ‘natural’ is going to stop washing her hair and shaving her toes, she has confirmed.
Time-travelling smartarse ‘is terrible role model for children’
DOCTOR Who is a totally unrealistic and quite annoying role model for children, parents have realised.
I’ve met some dickheads in my time but wow, says Queen
THE Queen is marvelling that, after 66 years on the throne, she has just met the biggest knobhead of her reign so far.
Wetherspoon unveils ‘Brexit Chaos’ breakfast
WETHERSPOON has unveiled its new 'Brexit Chaos' breakfast, which includes an unknown quantity of vague, ever-changing ingredients.
Homeworker wakes up two hours early to switch on bastard laptop
A HOMEWORKER is to get up at 6am to switch on her fucking laptop so it will be ready to use by about half-eight.
Can you tell which film your mum is trying to describe?
MUMS often recommend films but without being able to remember any key details. Can you decipher these mum film descriptions?
Second EU referendum to include ‘Are you an idiot?’ question
ANOTHER vote on leaving the EU should include questions designed to weed out total idiots, it has been claimed.
Elon Musk flounces off to Mars in a huff
ELON Musk has confirmed plans to go off to Mars in a strop.
Hoity-toity north-west lords it over rest of Britain with fancy hosepipe ban
SMUG homeowners in Cheshire and Lancashire are showing off to the rest of the UK about their highly exclusive hosepipe ban.
Badly-planned Tour de France route full of hills
SHOCKED Tour de France competitors have discovered that poor planning has led to a very mountainous route.
