Six reasons why movie sex scenes are bollocks
KEIRA Knightley has said she will no longer appear in sex scenes directed by men. But how does Hollywood get sex so wrong, and how could it be fixed?
Have you booked a foreign holiday this summer and what the f**k were you thinking?
GOVERNMENT quarantine rules have made foreign holidays impossible this summer. But have you already booked one and if so, how thick are you?
Six ways to outsource your job to your children
YOU’RE working from home and the kids are learning from home, so why not get your kids to do your job for you?
Key workers to be called low-skilled workers again by Easter
WORKERS in essential services will be downgraded from heroes to low-skilled by Easter if vaccinations continue at their current rate, it has been confirmed.
Let’s write off this generation of kids and focus on the next lot, says Williamson
THE education secretary has confirmed that we are failing a generation of children, so we may as well forget them and put our efforts into the next set.
A Brexiter’s simple guide to EU charges
PARCELS sent to or from the EU now carry extra charges, a detail left out of the Brexit deal. Leave voter Norman Steele explains these vindictive costs.
‘Can I get back to you on that?’ and other ways to respond when someone says ‘I love you’
SOMEONE dropped the L-bomb out of the blue? Stuck for a response? Check out these half-dozen ways to let them down easy (for you).
Government just can’t fathom why Scotland would want independence
THE Government admits it is struggling with the Scottish independence movement because it cannot think of a single reason why they might want it.
Boyfriend does 12-item supermarket shop and gets them all wrong
A MAN has returned from the supermarket with all 12 items that his girlfriend requested, each of them wrong.
Five types of story that give Daily Mail readers the raging horn
OUTRAGED? Livid? That’s the only way you can get blood flowing to your genitalia any more? Daily Mail reader Bill McKay divulges the genres of story that give him life.
Man comes to disturbing realisation that he enjoys running
A MAN is afraid of what he might become after going out on a run and enjoying it.
‘Caribbean’ and other things Americans can’t stop mispronouncing
AMERICANS have made more television than anyone else, and we’ve got nothing else to do but watch it. But why do they say these words f**k all like they’re meant to?
‘Bubble’ far too jolly a term, nation confirms
BRITONS have decided that ‘bubble’ is too cosy a term for a grim huddle of bored people stuck indoors with only each other for company.
Five shows you don’t need to watch the middle of
PUSHED for time? Bored of all the padding in a typical hour-long show? Here are five you can safely fast-forward through the middle 40 minutes of.
Woman buys f**king ugly dog
A WOMAN who has treated herself to a canine companion during lockdown has decided on one that is incredibly f**king ugly.
‘Epic fail’ and five other phrases that are past their sell-by date
KEEPING up with the linguistic pace online is a minefield. If you want to look like you're up to date with the latest tedious phrases, make sure you avoid these.
Romantic meal ruined by annoying life-partner
A WOMAN'S romantic evening meal has been ruined by the presence of her prick of a boyfriend.
How to bring the ambience of your dodgy local pub to your living room
MISSING your local bar during lockdown? Here are five ways to recreate the uniquely unpleasant atmosphere of your beloved watering hole at home.
Brexiter can’t get over how disastrous Megxit is
AN ardent Brexiter is appalled by what an absolute disaster Megxit has turned out to be.
How to earn £12.43 on eBay for 40 hours work
FANCY earning a bit of cash on the side by flogging some of your old stuff on eBay? Here's how to give yourself an incredibly badly paid full-time job.
