Man finds human-sized shoe at TK Maxx
A MAN has stumbled across a shoe suitable for a regular human being at TK Maxx.
World’s oldest intact shipwreck can’t be that intact or it wouldn’t have sunk
THE world’s ‘oldest intact shipwreck’ must have a hole in it somewhere or it would not be a shipwreck, experts have reasoned.
If our world becomes even one per cent less cosy we will riot, warn Radio 2 listeners
RADIO 2 listeners have warned that there is only so much unfamiliarity they can cope with before armed revolution.
What to think about on the bog when you forget to take your phone with you
Have you been left alone with your thoughts when you would normally be playing Flappy Bird? Here’s what you should think about to fill those long, lonely minutes.
Man who didn’t put happy moment on Instagram surprised he still enjoyed it
FAILING to post a photo of every single vaguely pleasant moment of your life does not mean you are not having a good time, it has emerged.
Celebrities on Pointless could really do with the money they’re giving to charity
THE winning celebrity team on Pointless Celebrities often look like they could really do with the two grand they are giving to a hospice, viewers have confirmed.
Middle-class man blessed with ability to communicate with tradesmen
A WELL-TO-DO man has amazed friends by being able to communicate with his builders as easily as if they were from his own social class.
BBC unveils post-Brexit Top Gear line-up
THE BBC has revealed its post-Brexit Top Gear presenters chosen deliberately to horrify and alienate viewers around the world.
Six things you can do today that will make f**k all difference to climate change
CHINA’S burning coal faster than its children can sew on sequins, Bitcoin’s gobbling up electricity faster than a fan heater in a damp bedsit, and the bloke up the road’s just bought a three-litre BMW SUV.
Are you Banksy?
IN today’s busy, modern world it can be hard to tell if you're just an average working stiff or if you are, in fact, the elusive graffiti artist known as Banksy. Take our test to find out…
We were actually far more liberal than he is, says Victorian ghost child about Jacob Rees-Mogg
THE ghost of a Victorian child has distanced herself and her era from the cruel policies of Jacob Rees-Mogg.
10 great English proverbs that are obviously bollocks
All’s fair in love and war Not if you come home to find your partner ensconced in a vigorous ’69’ with someone you regarded as a chum.
Record-breaking dog turd ruins day of 18 people
A SINGLE dog turd has outmatched all predecessors by ruining the days of 18 different people.
Man starts another pointless f**king project
A MAN has started another stupid fucking waste of time, he has confirmed.
Your guide to dealing with the aftermath of a one-night stand
ONE-NIGHT stands can be tricky. Should you sneak off like a criminal before they wake up or sit down for a full English with their parents? Our handy guide will help.
If I move down any more I’ll practically be shagging someone, says man on Tube
A MAN asked to 'move down' a packed tube carriage has pointed out there was nowhere for him to go without becoming extremely intimate with other people.
Boy racer on 814th consecutive night of driving around pointlessly
A YOUNG driver has spent every night for well over two years driving around aimlessly in his crappy car.
It is the year 2137. Brexit has still not happened. Theresa May is still prime minister
MORE than a century into the future, the UK is still waiting for the EU to come up with a creative solution to the Northern Ireland border.
Is your sex problem middle class enough for the Guardian?
ARE you thinking about writing to the Guardian with a sexual problem but are worried it’s not middle-class enough? Read our guide.
‘Suggestion noted’ thinks cyclist approaching red light
A CYCLIST approaching a busy city crossing decided to regard a red light as advice to bear in mind rather than an order to stop.
