How to have a really pretentious dinner party
DINNER parties are a great way to prove you're better than your friends. But how do you pull it off?
House of Fraser unveils new business model of not letting you have stuff when you pay for it
HOUSE of Fraser is to cease the 'economically suicidal' practice of giving customers goods when they pay for them, it has confirmed.
Woman who went to doctor with cold moaning that NHS is overstretched
A WOMAN who went to see her GP because she had a bit of sniffle was outraged that the waiting room was full of people.
Has Brexit already happened? Take our test to find out
IN the confusing modern world it can be hard to tell if Britain has already left the European Union, so why not take our quick test to find out.
Man ejected from easyJet flight for being wrong kind of pissed
A MAN has been ejected from an Easyjet flight for being the wrong kind of pissed, it has been confirmed.
The judgmental bastard’s guide to poverty
WITH new poverty figures just out, do you feel poor people are basically scum who bring it on themselves? Here’s how to be a judgmental bastard about poverty.
Labour Party unveils 24-foot bronze statue of brave and noble leader Corbyn
THE Labour Party has confirmed the smelting of a 24 foot bronze statue of Jeremy Corbyn in which he will be either handing out bread or banging his left fist into his right hand.
Man in new relationship does all his farts in the park
A MAN in a four-month-old relationship is still breaking wind in the local park.
Couple ‘moving for better schools’ told ‘f**k off and good riddance’
THE neighbours, friends, and family of a couple who are moving house to be in an area with better schools have been told to fuck off and not come back.
Family eating at table just watching telly from slightly different angle
A FAMILY who decided to dine together at the table for a change now have to crane their necks to watch Emmerdale.
Man who went camping at weekend expects sympathy
A MAN who went on a rain-soaked camping trip at the weekend is telling colleagues as if he deserves sympathy.
Yoga teacher masters tricky move of pretending to have her life together
A YOGA teacher has finally mastered the challenging move of pretending to have a fully-functioning life outside yoga classes.
Are you watching Bodyguard or is there something wrong with you?
EVERYONE is glued to sexy thriller Bodyguard, episode five of which is shown tonight on BBC1, but what about those few malcontents and weirdos who are not watching it?
Man who agreed to work Saturday assumed boss knew he’d still be a bit pissed
A MAN has agreed to work this Saturday under the illusion that his boss was aware that he would be a little bit drunk.
John Lewis starting to suspect it is being undersold
JOHN Lewis is beginning to wonder if its prices may be much, much higher than its rivals after years of wilful ignorance.
Government finds the one single thing that Brexit won’t f**k up
THE government has triumphantly announced that one small sector of the British economy will not be adversely affected by Brexit.
School trip costs how f**king much?
A SCHOOL trip to somewhere not even far away costs they-are-taking-the-fucking-piss, parents have confirmed.
The embarrassing dad’s guide to meeting boyfriends and girlfriends
INTERACTING with your teenage son or daughter’s partner is a complex challenge for dads. Here’s how to make it less of a total disaster.
It is a really good cathedral, says Trump
DONALD Trump has backed two Russian tourists who visited Salisbury last March to marvel at the city’s 13th Century cathedral.
