Is this the worst hangover you’ve ever had, or have you woken up in Burnley?
LAST night was a heavy one. But are these overwhelming feelings of pain, sickness and despair you’re feeling alcohol-induced, or have you awoken in the Lancashire town of Burnley?
Man constantly barked at by dogs wonders if he is evil
A MAN who has been barked at by terrified dogs every time they see him for 15 years is wondering if he is actually the Antichrist.
Are you suffering from Corbynism? Try our symptom checker
Do people who are centrists or even slightly left-of-centre make your tummy feel a bit funny?
It’s not ‘treating yourself’ if you do it all the time, say experts
CONSTANTLY treating yourself is not actually treating yourself, it is just what you do, scientists have confirmed.
I had one job, admits May
THE prime minister has acknowledged she was chosen to do one single task and has done nothing but fuck it up.
The Waitrose shopper’s guide to poor people’s supermarkets
BUDGET supermarkets offer wonderful bargains, but how can a refined Waitrose shopper like you survive the whole ghastly experience? Read our guide.
Couple admit they want ‘no kids’ wedding because they’ll f***ing ruin it
A COUPLE have decided to be brutally honest about not wanting a load of little bastards at their wedding.
Are you a tedious superhero wanker?
DO you think superhero films are much deeper and more important than they really are? You may be a tedious fanboy. Take our test and find out.
Things described as ‘rustic’ generally shit
THINGS that are old, tatty or just total crap are being made to sound desirable by describing them as ‘rustic’.
How are people judging you because of your funny regional accent?
DOES that West Country twang make people think you’re as sexy as the Cadbury Caramel bunny, or a comedy bumpkin off The Two Ronnies? Find out with our guide.
Missing cat actually on four-day bender
A CAT thought to be missing has actually just been pissing it up with his mates for the last four days.
Is everything terrible or are you just a massive f**king drama queen?
ARE the events of your life an unending nightmare or are you just a deeply annoying drama queen? Take our quiz and find out!
Man comes out amazingly well from own anecdote once again
A 28-YEAR-OLD man has emerged as the wry, ballsy hero of his own story yet again.
Wetherspoon-McDonald’s strike ‘will vastly improve Britain’
A THREATENED joint Wetherspoon-McDonald's strike could make the UK a decent place to live, experts have warned.
Public urged to let Bert and Ernie come out in their own time
THE public has been told to stop pressuring Bert and Ernie to come out as gay before they are ready.
What sort of music prick are you?
MUSIC is one of humanity’s greatest creations but there are still loads of ways to be a real prick about it. Which type of music prick are you?
Fresher getting ready for night out that will wreck her career in 10 years’ time
A UNIVERSITY fresher is currently getting ready for the night out that will destroy her career in 10 years' time.
Working-class people should be proud of their gnomes, says May
THE prime minister has said that working-class people should be proud of the amusing garden gnomes they choose to decorate their homes with.
Isle of Man to be renamed ‘Manorca’ post-Brexit
THE ISLE of Man is to be renamed Manorca should Brexit go ahead, it has been confirmed.
Bridesmaid pushing bride to be a nightmare so it’ll go viral
A BRIDESMAID is subtly pushing her friend to make more and more unreasonable wedding demands so her post about them will go viral.
