DO you feel you’re being unfairly attacked for being a baby boomer, despite believing anyone with a grievance is a ‘snowflake’? Here’s what to do.
APPARENTLY some moaning minnies are unhappy with my handling of the floods, but I say they just need to show a bit of pluck and spunk! Here is my advice.
THE new John Lewis advert stars Excitable Edgar, a dragon who burns off his own penis and has to wait until Christmas for a new one.
A HAIRDRESSER’S hair is inspiring fear rather than confidence in her hair styling abilities.
A MAN wrongly assumed that the last few sheets of bog paper would be enough for his requirements.
A DIRECTOR who shortened his original film rather than load an extra, pointless hour onto it has been widely praised.
BREXITERS are frequently criticised for being shouty and unreasonable, but – fair’s fair – Remainers can be obnoxious too. Here’s how.
THINK wireless earbuds make you look cool? Only until one falls out into your skinny macchiato. Here’s how to be even more of a twat about them.
ITV has announced it will not be replacing The Jeremy Kyle Show, leaving viewers without their fix of voyeuristic mid-morning misery. Fill that void with these:
THE producers of upcoming Bond film No Time To Die have reassured audiences that he will still be the same old offensive ars*hole.
A BOSS has made the tea for the first time this millennium, his office has confirmed.
A MOTHER has gone fully apesh*t crazy about a missing school jumper on a parents’ WhatsApp group, members have confirmed.
THE media has announced that there will be no ‘album of the decade’ lists this year because no good albums have been released since 2010.
ARE you hoping a friend or colleague fancies you? Is the evidence flimsy, but open to interpretation? Talk yourself into it.
A UNIVERSITY’S campus is to be entirely converted into student living accommodation, it has announced.
SPLASHING water everywhere while driving along waterlogged roads is the key to peak happiness in adulthood, a survey has found.
EVER wondered why Nigel Farage feels the need to keep inflicting his Brexit party nonsense on everyone? Here are some possible explanations.
THE Brexit party has agreed only to stand in seats where their candidacy will not affect the result in any way.
DUNGAREES have never been good and they never, ever will be, it has been confirmed.
A MAN has just remembered that living in Britain between the beginning of November and the end of February is a total f**king nightmare.