Business

London must return to being a living hell or our economy is doomed

CRAMMED tube trains. Five-hour daily commutes. Soaring house prices. Jobs that barely pay a living wage. If London cannot return to this, the UK is doomed.

Eight reasons why the Argos catalogue was better than Amazon

THE end of the Argos catalogue is the end of an era for Britain. Here’s why buying the same crap from Amazon will never feel as good.

Landlord disgusted to discover you've been eating, sleeping and shitting in his investment

A LANDLORD has been horrified to learn that his tenants have made themselves at home in his investment property to the point of shitting in it.

Five lovely cute little businesses run by horrible posh twats

LOVE that new vegan cafe or organic chocolatier? Prefer not to know these adorable independent businesses are run by insufferable privileged bastards?

Someone explain discounting to Waitrose, demand Britons

DISCOUNTING something that costs £3.85 to £3.55 is not a proper discount and can Waitrose please sort it out, British shoppers have asked.

M&S reports alarming surge in middle-class twats

MARKS & Spencer has reported a massive spike in middle-class twats buying overpriced ready meals and bland clothing.

One-way system in Next basically fascism, says mum

A MOTHER of three adult children has called them all to say the new one-way system in Next is tantamount to an authoritarian regime.

'It's like they don't want the work', says man who thinks builders are poor

A MAN is mystified that builders have not returned his calls because he assumes they live in skips wearing filthy overalls desperate for cash-in-hand.

Queue outside Games Workshop reaches two meters

QUEUES outside branches of Games Workshop have reached the two-metre mark as pairs of desperate gamers wait to get inside.

Woman proud to support independent shops once she's cross-checked prices online

A WOMAN is passionate about supporting local businesses, provided they are not marking products up too much compared to global retail giant Amazon.

What unnecessary shite are you getting from the shops?

WITH shops open again, it’s time for a zombie-like stagger through them for stuff you don’t want that won’t make you happy. Like these:

Couple request mortgage holiday after trip to Waitrose

A COUPLE who decided to shop in Waitrose as a treat have come home and immediately requested a three-month mortgage holiday.