Business

Shelf-stacker going to work with picture of sweetheart in his pocket

A 19-YEAR-OLD Lidl employee is keeping a photo in his pocket of the sweetheart he will marry when this madness is over.

Your inexplicable and unnecessary coronavirus email from the Daily Mash

EIGHT years ago you gave us your email address, so like every other business you’ve ever interacted with we’re sending a baffling and pointless coronavirus email.

Mike Ashley offers to open Sports Direct but stop paying wages

MIKE Ashley has offered to open his Sports Direct stores to help public health but, as a compromise, will stop paying his staff.

23 Mars missions, and what else £100 billion could buy you instead of HS2

THE HS2 line linking London and Birmingham, which are already linked, is currently set to cost £100bn. What else could that money buy?

Amazon detractors forced to admit that Saudi Royal family is just slightly worse

PEOPLE who have been complaining about the evils of Amazon for years have been forced to admit that the Saudi Arabian Royal family might just have the edge.

It's Easter now, say supermarkets

SUPERMARKETS have confirmed that it is Easter now.  

Queen sells advertising space on the side of swans

THE Queen is to boost royal revenues by selling advertising space on the side of swans.

Build-A-Bear party exposed as child labour

CHILDREN’S Build-A-Bear parties are actually sweatshops, it has emerged.

TK Maxx Christmas advert lasts three hours and ends in a fight

TK MAXX’S new Christmas advert is three hours long and ends in a punch-up.

University to be turned into student housing

A UNIVERSITY’S campus is to be entirely converted into student living accommodation, it has announced.

Man who is his own boss should have fired himself a year ago

A SELF-EMPLOYED man has confessed that the business he runs should really have let him go in 2018.

Adorable little trinket shop obviously a front for evil

A QUAINT little knick-knack shop selling curios for affordable prices must be a front for terrible evil, shoppers have agreed.