Business

Energy companies facing huge unexpected bills offered prepayment meters

ENERGY firms facing bankruptcy due to soaring bills have been patronisingly advised that a prepayment meter would control their spending.

Five things trains would have to do to win you back

NOBODY'S using trains because they're expensive as f**k and always late. Here's what they'd have to do to be more appealing.

When I find out who's done this to my pubs I'll f**king kill them, says Tim Martin

WETHERSPOONS boss Tim Martin has confirmed that when he finds out who f**ked up his business by taking his beer and chefs away, they are dead.

Turn it into a paintball arena, and other ideas for abandoned high streets

IS your once-bustling high street now a parade of empty shops and broken dreams? Here are five ideas to bring life back to your city centre.

Pandemic and global recession beaten hands-down by triumphant British house prices

A WORLDWIDE pandemic paired with a global recession is no match for heroic rising British property prices, it has emerged.

Olive Oil Only, and five other unbelievably niche shops they only have in posh towns

VISITING a chi-chi little town? Here are six absurdly niche shops you’ll find there and only there.

Five rip-off toys to sell to kids

DO you want to make money without having anything of actual merit to sell? Try flogging these toys to gullible kids.

Man receives text advising that delivery driver has stopped for a piss

A MAN is getting constant, eager updates from a delivery company advising him on the precise whereabouts of his parcel.

How to celebrate Pride as a rapacious British company

ARE you a British business keen to let LGBT+ customers and staff know that they’re special for one month only? Here are the best ways to be an ally.

Tim Martin proposes Britain launch new 'Union of Europe' to attract workers

WETHERSPOONS boss Tim Martin has urged the government to set up some sort of ‘Union of Europe’ to solve his shortage of pub staff.