Business

Use our shitty website which doesn't work to save us money, says train company

A TRAIN company is sick of passengers wanting it to employ real people when they could just go on its completely useless website.

Depressed high streets merger creates 'charity vape betting shops'

A MERGER of crap businesses on Britain’s failing high streets has created the brand-new ‘charity vape betting shop’.

Are you the irritating new keen person?

HAVE you just started a new job and are getting on everyone’s tits with your unquenchable enthusiasm for every aspect of it?

High-achieving woman has strict morning routine and shitloads of money

A WOMAN who credits her success to her disciplined morning routine somehow neglects to mention the fact she inherited £3.2m aged 21.

Hip young entrepreneur opens trendy cafe in town that only eats pies

A YOUNG businessman is convinced his fashionable eatery in an unadventurous Northern town will start making money soon.

I regret to inform British businesses that it is necessary for us to go mad

AS BUSINESS secretary of the current Conservative government, I have made assurances to companies operating within the UK that we will operate in their best interests.

Ryanair 'a totally acceptable casualty of Brexit'

MOST people would be prepared to live in abject poverty if it was guaranteed that Ryanair would go down with them, it has emerged.

Man's focus in life narrows to being in for a delivery

A MAN has given up on his job, his relationships and his family ensure he is in when a package arrives at his house.