Business

A THIRD of 18 to 34-year-olds have been inappropriately texted by staff at takeaways or delivering parcels. Here’s a handy checklist to read before sending customers a picture of your cock.

GOT a website with internationally-known and instantly recognisable branding? Here visionary tech bro Elon Musk explains how to f**k it up for no reason.

THE NatWest bank has posted profits of £3.6 billion as a direct result of closing Nigel Farage’s account.

BRITISH Gas’s record profits make total sense because they are the reason you and others can barely afford food.

THE Competition and Markets Authority has informed motorists who spent a year being grossly overcharged for petrol that it happened.

AN upcoming cage match between Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk will end in one of the more horrible deaths ever streamed on Facebook.

THE office is already hell if it’s not air-conditioned, but which of your colleagues are earmarked for plum jobs in the pit of the damned?

THE poverty-stricken multinational corporation Amazon once again stands before taxpayers barefoot and in rags, begging for a handout.

NEW legislation threatens to stop landlords running a five-bed in Willesden as if it were North Korea and they Kim Jong-un. Here we answer your landlord queries.

THE animals formerly known as pigs have been legally compelled to change their name and appearance by supreme litigators Percy Pigs.