Business

A LITTLE boy has been delighted to realise that Christmas is more of a hollow capitalist scam than he dared to dream possible.

THE most important man in recorded history has set an out-of-office auto-response on his email for 1pm until 6pm today.

A SHOP assistant is distraught to learn a customer will be shopping elsewhere following a minor incident.

AMAZON’S algorithm, like an elephant, never forgets. And to this day it’s making helpful suggestions based on a 2018 smoke alarm purchase.

TESCO Metro has unveiled a new slogan that reflects the half-arsed shopping habits of its customers.

THE Pandora Papers have revealed that you are the only person in the entire world paying their fair share of taxes and everyone is laughing at you.

ENERGY firms facing bankruptcy due to soaring bills have been patronisingly advised that a prepayment meter would control their spending.

NOBODY'S using trains because they're expensive as f**k and always late. Here's what they'd have to do to be more appealing.

WETHERSPOONS boss Tim Martin has confirmed that when he finds out who f**ked up his business by taking his beer and chefs away, they are dead.

IS your once-bustling high street now a parade of empty shops and broken dreams? Here are five ideas to bring life back to your city centre.