Business

A WOMAN who promised to do her Christmas shopping at independent retailers this year has clicked ‘Buy Now’ on Amazon less than three minutes later.

BRITONS are planning to make the most of 24-hour shop openings by holding debauched parties in the baked goods aisle of Marks & Spencer.

A COMPLETELY uninvolved Sir Philip Green has casually mentioned the impending collapse of the Arcadia Group to their owner, his wife Tina.

THE latest Sainsbury’s Christmas advert centres around a family of complete arseholes kicking off about Brexit over dinner.

JOHN Lewis has let go hundreds of workers to cover the cost of making this year’s bullshit Christmas advert.

I FOUND freedom and unleashed a creativity I never knew I had by quitting my office job, and now I think you should pay me to tell you that you can too.

A WOMAN has admitted feeling deeply ashamed for humiliating other shoppers by using a Waitrose bag at the Aldi tills.

ONLY customers with a net worth of a billion-plus will be able to afford Waitrose if Britain leave the EU without a deal, the supermarket has warned.

A WOMAN who has spent the weekend shopping for clothes online cannot wait to send every single item straight back again.

A DRIVER who undertook multiple cars on the motorway was in a hurry to get to a convention full of other f**knuts, it has emerged.