Has your ongoing feud with an old school rival f**ked up the country?

DID you have a rival at school? Have you continued your competition into adulthood? Has it effectively destroyed a country?

How I'd easily sort out Northern Ireland, by a Brexiter

RENEWED violence in Northern Ireland is a worrying development. Luckily Leave voter Roy Hobbs is here to offer his typically simplistic Brexiter solutions to the problem. 

Six other things that aren't a problem according to a government report

RACISM is no longer a problem in the UK, thanks to a government report. So what other contemporary issues could be eradicated with some dubious research? 

How I got f**ked over by Boris for four years, by a Brexiter

FOR four years, Boris Johnson was everything to me. I adored him and believed all his wild promises. But now I realise I was just being used.

The devious Scottish ploy to give nurses a four per cent pay rise: how it works

GIVING NHS nurses a decent pay rise is the latest in Scotland’s long line of nefarious plans. Here’s how the diabolical scheme will play out.

Rishi Sunak's incredibly strong reasons why you want to go back to the office

RISHI here, the Robin to Boris’s Batman. And I’m battling on behalf of you, the workers desperate to go back to the office. Here’s why: 

How to actually have sex with a Union Jack

ARE you an ardent ‘flag shagger’ who’d like to literally have sexual intercourse with a Union Jack? Here’s how to go about it if you’re a patriotic weirdo or a Tory MP.

'You still here?' EU asks Britain

THE EU has been puzzled to find the UK still yapping around its heels months after it had supposedly left for good.

Your tour around the Festival of Brexit

ALRIGHT chief? Welcome to the Festival of Brexit. I’m Steve Malley, former UKIP candidate for Leatherhead, and if you’re a Remainer you can frankly f**k off now. 

No longer talking about the future: six signs Scotland is thinking of leaving you

ALWAYS in a bad mood, never laughs at your jokes, and left a draft bill for an independence referendum in the printer? Scotland might be thinking of leaving.

Why Boris is right to cut 10,000 troops but Keir Starmer wouldn't be

AS A poppy-wearing patriot, you’d think I’d be furious about Boris cutting 10,000 soldiers. But it’s fine, though if Keir Starmer did the same it’d be treason.

'We'll get you next time, Sturgeon!' shout puce-faced furious Tories

THE Scottish Conservatives are crimson with rage after wily Nicola Sturgeon once again escaped justice by ‘doing nothing wrong’.