What I wasn't told at the meeting that didn't happen, by Sue Gray

SEVERAL weeks ago, I did not attend a meeting with not the prime minister who at no point edited my report. Here is my timeline of non-events.

Your FREE Daily Mail 'Johnson is innocent' 18-page souvenir special

CELEBRATE Boris Johnson being found innocent enough by the Met with today’s historic Daily Mail souvenir special. Here’s a taste of the high-quality journalism it contains.

Bare-faced lying works a treat, agrees Britain

THE whole of Britain has agreed that next time they do something wrong and there is loads of damning evidence they will simply deny it entirely.

Spin the Conservative Distraction Policy Generator!

LOOKING for a policy that will tear headlines away from your cost-of-living ineptitude for a day? Try spinning the Conservative Distraction Policy Generator! Just follow these instructions...

I am an inspiration to other people of stupidity. By Liz Truss

I WAS first diagnosed as stupid when I was 16. For a while doctors thought I might be dyslexic or autistic, so to learn I was a person of stupidity was a great relief.

Have you considered already being extremely rich? By Rishi Sunak

WITH prices hitting a 40-year high, guest columnist Rishi Sunak asks if you have considered being extremely rich like him.

How to talk about inflation but not mention Brexit

INFLATION rampant? Exports dropping? Sterling completely f**ked? Here’s how to discuss it without mentioning the red, white and blue elephant in the room.

How we could ease the cost-of-living crisis but no f**king way will we, by the Tories

THERE are so many things we could do to ease the cost-of-living crisis that we will not go f**king near. Conservative MP Denys Finch Hatton explains.

We must help those least impacted by the cost of living crisis, pledges Johnson

WITH the poorest struggling to put food on the table, it’s imperative that we slash taxes for the nation’s highest earners, writes Boris Johnson.

How to take a wild guess at what the f**k 'levelling up' means for your town

WONDERING what the f**k 'levelling up' means for your town? The government won't explain, so here's how to take a wild guess.