Politics

Next Tory leader to be someone you hate even more

BOOKMAKERS have confirmed that whoever the next Conservative leader is, it will be someone you hate even more than the present one. 

Only people who still want Brexit are inexplicably angry posh couple with two labradors

NOBODY can be arsed with Brexit except an angry upper class couple with multiple dogs, it has emerged.

Legal advice reveals Brexit is an incredibly confusing load of bollocks

THE government's legal advice on the Brexit withdrawal agreement has confirmed that it is all bollocks.

May suffers wedgie, stolen shoe and drink tipped in bag in single day

THE prime minister has been given an atomic wedgie, had her shoe stolen and seen a full blue drink emptied into her school bag all in one day. 

Current state of UKIP is testament to my genius, says Farage

NIGEL Farage has resigned from UKIP while demanding recognition for creating a party of incompetent racists.  

Brexit debate is absolutely none of your business, MPs tell voters

THE five-day Commons debate on Brexit is nothing to do with you, MPs have confirmed.

Corbyn will be no match for me and my glove puppets, says May

THERESA May will attempt to distract from her robotic, off-putting personality at the Brexit TV debate by using glove puppets, she has confirmed.

UK economy eight per cent too large, Brexiters agree

BREXITERS have agreed that the UK’s economy is oversized, unwieldy and needs to be trimmed by about eight per cent.