Politics
Sajid Javid's f**kwitted guide to how things work
CHANCELLOR of the Exchequer Sajid Javid may not know how trade with the EU works, but it doesn’t end there. Here he answers more questions about the world around us.
The six immigration systems Brexiters want
BORIS Johnson has promised a points-based immigration after Brexit, but Australia’s got that and they’re still mad racist. Here are a few systems Brexiters would prefer.
6 ways to celebrate Brexit Eve
BIG Ben may not be bonging, but that’s no reason not to celebrate leaving the world’s largest trading bloc on January 31st.
The five types of twat who'll pay for Big Ben to bong for Brexit
BIG BEN bonging for Brexit is the worst charitable cause since a druggie with a stolen charity tin rattled it around the local, but the cretins who support it live among us.
Johnson does hard-hitting interview with Roland Rat
THE prime minister has appeared on ITV’s breakfast television show for a tough interview with 1980s puppet presenter Roland Rat.
Five non-politicians to lead Labour out of crisis
THE NEW Labour leader has to be tough, uncompromising, charismatic and a complete change of direction. Think The Rock. Or any of these.
Our relationship is just like Love Actually except he's a serial adulterer with four kids, says Carrie Symonds
THE prime minister’s girlfriend has claimed their relationship is just like in Love Actually, apart from his wife and four-to-six children.
'Shut the f**k up' mutters MP listening to elderly voter
A LABOUR MP who felt he should listen patiently to the concerns of an elderly constituent is deeply regretting it.
Six things Boris Johnson is going to pass while you're not looking
TODAY Boris Johnson will pass his Brexit bill, not that you’re paying any attention. What else will he try and slip past while you’re distracted?
This lowers the standard for impeachment, say Republicans who did it over a blowjob
REPUBLICANS have argued that Trump’s impeachment has lowered the standard for impeachment from its previous high point of an Oval Office chewy.
Who are you blaming for Labour's loss?
LABOUR suffered their worst electoral loss since 1987 last week, and logically it must be someone’s fault. Who are you blaming?
How I plan to spaff cash over the North, by Boris Johnson
I LIKE the North now it’s a Tory heartland, and I plan to spunk about £80 billion to keep it that way.