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Politics

Same old twats enter Tory leadership race

THE same old twats who sullied the last few Conservative leadership races are once again entering this one.

New Corbyn & Chums party has more seats than Reform

Eighth Labour MP suspended for not using coaster

KEIR Starmer has announced the whip has been suspended from an eighth MP for the crime of placing a cup on a wooden table without using a coaster.

Public excited to discover what they voted for

THE King’s speech to parliament is the first chance for Britain to find out what they voted for three weeks ago, they have confirmed.

Member for Clacton f**ks off to America

Give us a day off Starmer, you prick

We ask you: what are you already furious with the new government for not fixing?

STARMER’S Labour have been in power for almost a week, and yet Britain still suffers from myriad problems. Which one has lost him your vote?

I will be taking eight fag breaks a day, says Starmer

AS well as clocking off at 6pm on Fridays, Keir Starmer has announced he will take hourly fag breaks in the garden of Downing Street.

Red Wall work of half-arsed cowboy builder

Jonathan Gullis returning to earlier career as a monkey

NOW he is no longer the MP for Stoke-on-Trent North, former teacher and monkey Jonathan Gullis has confirmed he will return to his zoological career.