Politics

Five backstop solutions that are obvious if you're thick

ARE you sick of the backstop getting in the way of Brexit while being too moronic to understand what it is? Leave voter Martin Bishop runs down the alternatives.

It'll be just like The Good Life, say cheerful no-dealers

NO-DEAL Brexiters claim that after October 31st life will be a jolly self-sufficient romp growing vegetables, keeping pigs and having it off with Felicity Kendal.

Five great reasons to hate the Lib Dems all over again

THE Liberal Democrats are making a comeback by once again sounding reasonable and sane compared to everyone else. Here’s how to justify your instinctive loathing.

Johnson opens Merkel talks with five minutes of Nazi jokes

BORIS Johnson is to put Angela Merkel at her ease with a solid five minutes of Nazi jokes at today’s meeting, he has confirmed. 

How to blame other people for your Brexit bullsh*t

WHETHER you’re the prime minister or an ordinary Leaver, it’s time to start blaming other people for Brexit. Here’s how to try and shift the blame.

The Brexiter's guide to ending freedom of movement

BREXITERS will be delighted by plans to end freedom of movement, but have you thought it through properly? Read our guide on the slim off-chance you haven’t. 

Farage labels Queen Mother 'overweight, chain smoking gin drinker' without realising that's half the country

NIGEL Farage labelled the Queen Mother an 'overweight, chain smoking gin drinker' without realising that describes most of Britain and 95  percent of his own party.

Boris and Carrie's guide to having a quiet night in

WITH Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds now properly moved in to Downing Street, the couple reveal how they spend charming Tory evenings together.

Q&A: Who is this b*llend Dominic Cummings?

ARE you unsure who the mysterious political svengali Dominic Cummings is? Here’s everything you need to know about the man who appears to be running Britain.

'Marry Wales, shag Northern Ireland, kill Scotland', says Johnson

THE prime minister’s tour of the UK has convinced him that he should marry Wales, f**k Northern Ireland and kill Scotland.

The Government's No-Deal Brexit Preparations Guide and Complimentary Bodybag

DEAR householder, this leaflet outlines the various preparations that British citizens should make for a No-Deal Brexit. Page 24 unfolds into a free human remains pouch.

Are you an optimist like Boris or a traitor to Britain?

WE’RE going to be a ‘can do’, optimistic nation, according to Boris. But have you got what it takes to make Britain great again, or are you a treacherous doubting weasel? Answer these questions.