Politics

THE government is to bring in the Army to deliver petrol, fix supply chains and take over all functions of government permanently.

THE country is in crisis and people are looking to Her Majesty’s Opposition for answers just as they’re having a seaside punch-up. These are the headline bouts.

SENIOR Tories are furious that the party is so shit at running the country that it could damage their prospects at the next election.

IN his pamphlet The Road Ahead, the Labour leader has outlined his vision for Britain. Here are the key takeaways.

DESPITE considering himself a consummate orator, every speech by Boris Johnson is peppered with bullshit. Tick off his idiocy as it appears.

THE UK is facing a long, harrowing winter of high bills, stock shortages and none of it being anything to do with Brexit.

THE USA, the country that Britain ended its relationship with the EU to get an amazing trade deal with, is no longer into the idea.

REMEMBER me? I’m the guy that overwhelmingly won the moral argument in 2017 and 2019. And now you’re living in my 1970s heaven. Let me show you round.

NADINE Dorries has been made the minister for culture war with a remit to have all Britain in vicious conflict about bullshit by 2024.

CONSERVATIVE backbenchers who backed tax rises for social care are against cutting Universal Credit by £20 and what the f**k?