Politics

Second wave in two weeks and action against second wave in five weeks, warns Johnson

THE prime minister has warned that a second wave of coronavirus could begin in two weeks with urgent action against it scheduled for three weeks later.

Congratulations, you have survived one year of Boris Johnson

WELL done! It seemed unlikely at times, but you have survived one year with Boris Johnson as prime minister. Let’s see what you’ve been through.

How to blame Remain voters for Brexit

ARE you a Leaver starting to think Brexit might be as bad as everyone said? Here’s how to blame Remainers for it.

Five things more oven-ready than Boris Johnson's Brexit deal

BORIS Johnson claimed to have a Brexit deal that required no more effort than a Tesco Chicken Korma for One. Turned out to be bollocks. More like these:

It'll all be over by Christmas, says confident posh f**kwit who'll build you a nice memorial

A BLITHELY ignorant aristocratic f**khead has declared that the whole thing killing everyone will all be over by Christmas so no need to worry.

The Michael Gove/Rishi Sunak guide to why you should/shouldn't wear a mask in Pret

HELLO, I’m Michael Gove and/or Rishi Sunak, and I’d like to explain why it’s vital that you do/do not wear a mask while going in Pret.

Check Change Go: six things the government's new slogan could mean if you haven't got a f**king clue

THE government has launched its latest £100m advertising campaign for an abstract concept. But what the f**k is ‘Check, Change, Go’ about?

What are you outraged Rishi Sunak hasn't given you a discount on?

THE chancellor of the exchequer has been handing out freebies left, right and centre. But what are you bloody furious about because he’s not given you money off?

England considering selling Scotland to balance the books

ENGLAND is considering selling off its most valuable possession to help pay for the impending economic crisis, it has emerged.

The right-wing maniac's guide to backing the government no matter what

ARE you a Tory voter who can’t accept any criticism of the government no matter how poorly they perform? Here’s how to share your denialism.

The terms and conditions of Rishi Sunak's meal voucher offer in full

IN the chancellor’s giveaway bonanza, Britons can eat out in August with the government footing the bill. There are, however, certain conditions in the small print.

Care homes should have been more careful of coronavirus than I f**king was, says Johnson

THE prime minister has criticised care homes for not following coronavirus prevention procedures, much like a dickhead called Boris Johnson.