Politics

LAST Christmas, while you stayed indoors, the Downing Street spads were having it large. Here’s what you did and they did laid out in a simple timeline: 

BEING disinvited by France is the latest in a long line of snubs for Priti Patel. Here is everything the Home Secretary has been turned away from during her life so far.

THE public has united in the face of the Channel tragedy by agreeing that now is not the time for Priti Patel to be saying anything at all. 

I CAN get away with loads of stupid shit by calling any man who legitimately criticises me a misogynist. Here’s how I go about it:

AFTER issuing a categorical denial that Boris Johnson is unwell and losing his grip, a Downing Street spokesman has issued a further, more specific denial.

AN elderly woman who will lose her house under new plans for social care said she only  keeps voting Conservative because of their long-standing commitment to racism.

CONFUSED by the changes to the social care cap? Find out how it will f**k you over with our guide.

POPULAR cartoon character Daddy Pig has arrived at work to give an important speech rambling and obviously drunk.

HEY, BBC. I like the broadcasting corporation you got there. David Attenborough. Nice. Real national treasure. Strictly Come Dancing. Light entertainment a country can really sink its teeth into. Like I say, nice.

THE prime minister has announced that the only jobs MPs will be allowed from now on are Telegraph columnist, writing books about Shakespeare or Mayor of London.