Six laughably pathetic Tory ideas to solve the cost-of-living crisis

THE government could not be less interested in the cost-of-living crisis. But people keep asking about it, so MP Martin Bishop has some ideas.

A boring korma and a San Miguel for Starmer: What politicians' curry orders say about them

IT’S entirely plausible that a dull, play-it-safe type like Keir Starmer would order a chicken korma. Curry aficionado Wayne Hayes explains what politicians’ choices say about them.

Starmer's pretense of principle proves him a duplicitous double-dealer who, wait, I’m f**king lost here, by a right-wing columnist

KEIR Stamer’s latest underhand move proves he is playing petty politics with police lives and hang on, I’m out of my f**king depth here.

Please notice me, by Sir Keir Starmer

NOTICE me. Please notice me. Have you noticed me yet? Do I have to take some kind of principled idiotic stand or something?

A day in the busy life of the Minister for Brexit Opportunities

The first to present me with a gilt-edged Brexit opportunity will in turn be presented with this shiny sovereign. Now, to work!

Tearful Starmer confesses to second beer

A CONTRITE, tearful Keir Starmer has confessed that his first Beergate beer tasted so good he opened a second without thought for the consequences.

But what does this mean for me, the most important person in the entire world, Boris?

WE’VE lost control of a few councils. Labour haven’t triumphed but we’re struggling. F**k all that. What does it mean for Britain’s main character, me?

The Labour supporter's guide to celebrating not doing as well as expected

ACHIEVED questionable election results? Not sure how to express yourself? Labour voter Martin Bishop explains how to celebrate.

Tory heartlands now a load of Northern shitholes

THE natural voter base of the Conservative party is now Northern shitholes where they would not deign to set foot.

Boris Johnson 'just a bad dream', Conservatives reassure voters

CONSERVATIVE candidates in council elections have reassured voters that Boris Johnson being prime minister was just a terrible nightmare.