Javid can't look at that bit of the office without gagging

SAJID Javid is unable to look at that part of his new office without almost vomiting, he has confirmed.

Hancock taunts Johnson by calling him from mistress's bed

MATT Hancock has taunted his former boss by calling him from the bed he shares with his new girlfriend while not handling a pandemic.

How to cleanse your corrupted soul after seeing the Hancock photo

HAVE you seen the Matt Hancock photo? Feel tainted? Worried you’ll never find the idea of sexual intercourse appealing again? Cleanse your soul with these tips:

The Brexiter's guide to pretending obviously bad things are good

MANY new problems with Brexit have emerged recently. Here chipper Leave voter Roy Hobbs explains why the plainly catastrophic is somehow great news for Britain.

Going down in lockdown: Matt Hancock's pandemic sex diary

DURING the past 16 months, health secretary Matt Hancock has been tirelessly protecting public health while getting his dick wet. Here’s how it went down: 

Football only allowed home if it has a skilled job earning £47,110 a year, says Patel

FOOTBALL will only be able to return to its country of origin if guaranteed a highly-skilled job worth £47,110 a year, the home secretary has confirmed.

This should've been Freedom Day, say furloughed workers in pub at midday

WORKERS on temporary paid leave nursing pints in a bar at lunchtime are bemoaning the cancellation of Britain’s Freedom Day.

Could you be the next DUP leader?

DUP leader Edwin Poots has quit after just 21 days, three times longer than it took God to create Earth. Can you drag the DUP into the 18th century?

Lib Dem victory would have been earth-shaking shock changing politics forever if it had been UKIP

TODAY’S Lib Dem by-election victory would be a seismic political event transforming the political landscape permanently if it had been UKIP, experts have agreed.

Scottish independence to be decided by tonight's football result

THE question of Scottish independence will be decided not by referendum but by the result of tonight’s England-Scotland result, it has emerged.