'F**k you and f**k your f**king kids,' says education minister

EDUCATION minister Gillian Keegan has followed up yesterday’s expletive-filled rant by informing the public they and their f**king kids can get f**ked.

One year on from Liz Truss becoming prime minister, is it time to admit she killed the Queen?

IT is a year since Liz Truss became prime minister, and Britain can no longer hide from the obvious truth: she killed the Queen.

Every theft must be investigated in case it's an immigrant, says Braverman

THE home secretary has ruled that every burglary, car theft and stolen bicycle must be investigated in case it leads to a precious, wonderful deportation.

Keir Starmer: 'I would be too thick to get into university today'

LABOUR leader Keir Starmer has claimed that he would never be able to attend university today because he would be too unintelligent.

Nadine Dorries' guide to lazy girl jobs

HEARD about lazy girl jobs? They’re roles with low effort, low stress and lots of flexibility, which is right up my street. Here’s my guide to the top five.

Being Prime Minister should have a height requirement, Britain agrees

THE UK has decided that, post-Sunak, all future prime ministers must be five feet and six inches tall at the absolute minimum.

Lee Anderson MP's guide to being a bigoted pub bore

EVERY grim pub has a weird bloke sitting on his own who turns out to have incredibly dodgy opinions. Here Lee Anderson MP gives his tips on being that guy you regret talking to.

Vote Tory or Labour will make your car transgender. By Rishi Sunak

I LOVE cars and Britain’s wonderful, friendly car community. Ordinary, decent, hardworking car folk like you. And that’s why I can’t stand by and let Labour turn our beloved cars transgender.  

Entire elite establishment rallies round to help anti-establishment hero

THE full force of the elite British establishment has come together to support a man who was always its bitterest enemy.

Farage's bank statements show a pint purchased every 15 minutes

NIGEL Farage’s leaked bank statements reveal that on average he purchased a pint with his debit card every 15 minutes, it has emerged.