Politics

Have as many live TV debates as you want, we won't watch them, says Britain

Starmer's change bears uncanny resemblance to old-school Conservatism

THE promised ‘change’ that Keir Starmer keeps going on about is remarkably similar to old-fashioned Conservative values, people have noticed.

Heartbreaking: these Tory policies will never happen now, and nothing could be sadder

THE surprise election has doomed scores of Conservative bills that the public was really looking forward to becoming law. Every one of these is a tragedy.

I challenge Sir Keir to a six-game Warhammer series, winner takes Downing Street. By Rishi Sunak

I BELIEVE there is a better way to select the next prime minister: a marathon session of the popular tabletop wargame Warhammer 40k.

Enforced public nudity and kidnapping your dog: what Keir Starmer's 'change' really means, by the Daily Mail

KEIR Starmer is promising to deliver change without elaborating on the specifics. Here’s what it undoubtedly entails, according to the feverish mind of the Daily Mail.

'It's not a gamble if you know you're going to lose,' says Sunak

THE prime minister has rubbished claims he is gambling with his party’s future, explaining that it is not a gamble when losing is assured.

UK vibes on July 5th expected to be best ever

BRITONS have confirmed they are greatly looking forward to a sunny summer Friday when they wake up to find the Tories have been annihilated and the football is on.

'All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain' says android

AN android, facing the fact that his limited lifespan is coming to an end, has given a moving speech in heavy rain.

'This is all the punishment I'm getting, yeah?' says sincere, contrite Vennells

Universities cost more than ever and are going bust: a guide to the Tory economic model, with Jeremy Hunt

HELLO. I’m Jeremy Hunt, chancellor by default, and pre-election I’d like to talk you through the economic model that has made Britain such a success.