How to become a member of the House of Lords by age 30

ARE you an ambitious young politico hoping to peak early? Here is a guide to becoming a life peer while your mates are still living in house shares. 

Centrist calling for more civility in politics can f**k right off

A CENTRIST who believes everyone should show more civility towards right-wingers has been told to shove it up his liberal arse.

Lib Dems bounce back to f**king everything up

AFTER years of languishing in obscurity, the Liberal Democrats have returned to mess up politics like they did last time.

And that's how we clung onto power in 92, say Tories

A DELIGHTED Tory party has been reminded by a narrow win and a Labour-Lib Dem split of how they clung onto power back in 1992.

Shock as Uxbridge and South Ruislip still trusted to vote

ALLOWING the constituency which backed Boris Johnson to continue to vote has caused nationwide alarm and disgust.

How much of a twat do you have to be for your bank to hate you?

FORMER UKIP leader Nigel Farage has confirmed he is exploring bold new frontiers of twatdom by being so much of a twat even his bank hates him.

'Arts degrees. Obviously I mean arts degrees,' says Sunak

RISHI Sunak has confirmed that when he refers to low-value, rip-off degrees, he does indeed mean anything concerning the arts.

Boris baby at that special age where he doesn't know who his dad is

BORIS Johnson’s baby is at that special age where he is blissfully unaware of who exactly his dad is.

'Who will take my money?' cries despairing Farage on high street with duffel bags of cash

NIGEL Farage has been seen staggering up provincial high streets carrying duffel bags of banknotes searching for a bank that will accept him.

There's still Anthrax Island, says Braverman

SUELLA Braverman has found an ideal alternative destination for asylum seekers, the former biological warfare testing ground Anthrax Island.