Politics

Why it takes a serial incompetent to tackle incompetence, by Matt Hancock

RECENTLY I’ve noticed columnists saying it’s wrong to appoint useless people to important jobs. As someone with a long history of incompetence, let me explain why they’re wrong.

Painting buses and ignoring emails: Boris Johnson's holiday itinerary in full

WITH this nasty coronavirus business finally put to bed, Boris Johnson is taking a well-earned break from doing f**k all. Here’s how our lord and master will relax.

Dad furious at Tories over exam results still going to vote for them next time

A MAN who is livid about the Conservatives’ handling of this year’s exams is definitely going to vote for them next time, he has confirmed.

I got shit A-levels and look at me now, says Gavin Williamson

EDUCATION secretary Gavin Williamson has reminded the nation that all he got was a BSc from the University of Bradford and look at him now. 

'Sell a lung': Rishi Sunak's guide to riding out the recession

HI, Rishi fans. Everyone agrees I’m great but it looks like those pesky hard times have arrived. Sad face. Here’s how to make ends meet in the ongoing financial shitstorm.

The government's six latest distractions from its piss-poor record

AS the UK records the worst death rates in Europe, the government has been keeping national morale up by diverting attention elsewhere. Here is some more nonsense to expect before too long.

The government's six latest distractions from its piss-poor record

AS the UK records the worst death rates in Europe, the government has been keeping national morale up by diverting attention elsewhere. Here is some more nonsense to expect before too long.

Your guide to talking to ladies, by Matt Hancock

DEALING with the opposite sex is tricky, particularly if you get a bit shirty with a lady MP and everyone accuses you of being a sexist. Here’s how to strike the right ‘tone’ with the ladies.

Lockdown may stay in place for months because we've f**ked this up, says Johnson

THE prime minister has warned that lockdown measures may remain in place for months because of how badly they have f**ked this up. 

Five reasons Brits would have defeated coronavirus if it wasn't for the meddling EU

THE government says coronavirus is all the more reason to leave the EU. Here’s why we’d never have caught it in the first place if it wasn't for Eurocrats and their regulations.