Sunak dreading in-laws' questions about when he will achieve something with his life

RISHI Sunak is dreading being grilled by his in‑laws over when he intends to get a proper job with prospects during the Christmas holiday.

I thought they were friends. But make £60 million profit out of a national crisis and they turn on you

RISHI, Boris, Michael Gove – I thought these people were friends. Allies. But make a mere £60m profit from a national crisis and it’s a different story.

You'd be a f**king mug to vote Tory, says minister for common sense

THE newly appointed minister for common sense has advised the public if they vote Tory after the last 14 years they ‘need their heads examined’.

I lied because I'm innocent, Baroness Mone explains

BARONESS Mone has explained that she instructed her lawyers to repeatedly lie about her involvement in selling faulty PPE because she is innocent of any crime.

Boats stopped

ALL small boats crossing the Channel have halted their sailings immediately after the Rwanda bill passed its second reading.

I asked my son what he wanted for Christmas and he said 'Stop the boats, daddy'

WHAT have we come to when a five-year-old tot is begging his father to stop uncontrolled immigration? It’s disgusting that such a true thing should definitely have happened.

Who are the same old right-wing Tories f**king everything up again?

WHO are the same few right-wing lunatics once again threatening to bring down the government over bullshit? We wearily re-introduce them.

Woman simply does not have time for election this side of Christmas

A BUSY mum has urged MPs to back the Rwanda bill because she simply does not have room in her life for a general election right now.

Disgraced serial liar and man who came third in reality show are Tory dream ticket

A MAN Britain has still not forgiven for lying to them and a man who came third in a little-watched reality show are the dream ticket for the Conservative party, apparently.

Cutting from Magic Money Tree gifted to Rwanda

A SLENDER branch from the Magic Money Tree has been gifted to Rwanda for taking away asylum seekers, it has emerged.