A batshit mental Daily Mail article from the point of view of the First Baby, Wilf Johnson

GOOD morning, I’m national engine of hatred the Daily Mail, and today I’ll be wearing the mask of Boris Johnson’s one-year-old son Wilf. Isn’t that disturbingly adorable?

Britain getting the full affair-with-Boris experience

THE UK is finding out first-hand what it’s like to be seduced, lied to, and repeatedly f**ked over by Boris Johnson.

Six actual, real, genuine upsides to Brexit

THE sunlit uplands Boris Johnson and the Tories promised were a lie. Obviously. It’s Boris Johnson. But there are genuine upsides to Brexit:

Johnsons and Bidens enjoy lovely evening of wife-swapping

BRITAIN’S prime minister and America’s president have cemented the special relationship between their countries with an evening of wife-swapping. 

Yet another London twat arrives in St Ives

THE people of St Ives are unfazed as yet another twat from London has visited their sleepy coastal town, they have revealed.

Britain so pleased we're doing this First Lady bullshit

THE UK is uniformly delighted that after years of not doing this American White House First Lady bollocks, we now apparently are.

Dear Donna: I made a mistake at work and had to get married

I’m a successful man in his 50s who recently married his girlfriend, but only because work made me.

Johnson places advert for mistress in Times

BORIS Johnson has placed an advertisement for the vacant position of mistress to the prime minister in the Sunday Times. 

Carrie Symonds' mental letters to newspapers

CARRIE Symonds, as a PR professional and divorcé’s nightmare, writes daily letters to newspapers which are intercepted and burned. Here are a few of them: 

Five desperate ways to still think Boris Johnson is doing his best

DOMINIC Cummings has damned Boris Johnson by saying tens of thousands of people needlessly died. If you’re a diehard Boris supporter, here’s how to pretend he’s still great.