Politics

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

A MAN who wanted the UK to be rid of unelected decision-makers is into everything that Boris Johnson’s advisor says and does.

ARE you a hand-wringing liberal who thinks we should heal the divisions in society caused by Brexit? Here’s how to befriend a working class Leave person.

THE prime minister, who will give a Brexit speech at 11pm tonight, has confirmed he will only make speeches when Britain is sh*tfaced. 

ARE you a Brexiter with mad ideas about life after Brexit, or a ridiculously melodramatic Remainer? Here are some things that won’t be happening.

A BREXIT rally has been attended by almost 150 people who do not appear to have a f**king clue about what they are celebrating. 

DAILY Express readers have blamed political correctness gone mad for not being allowed to burn Remainers alive in a wicker man on Brexit Eve. 

HUMAN sexual responses are complex and affected by a wide range of stimuli. But does your penis only become tumescent by waving a tiny Union Jack or are you normal? 

ARE you a Guardian reader who wants to show their support for the EU as we leave tomorrow? Here’s how to hold an event that’s embarrassingly middle class.

A LABOUR MP who felt he should listen patiently to the concerns of an elderly constituent is deeply regretting it.