Michael Gove kept in cabinet to spite Britain

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

Man who claims to hate unelected bureaucrats loving Dominic Cummings

A MAN who wanted the UK to be rid of unelected decision-makers is into everything that Boris Johnson’s advisor says and does.

The Guardian reader's guide to befriending working class Brexiters

ARE you a hand-wringing liberal who thinks we should heal the divisions in society caused by Brexit? Here’s how to befriend a working class Leave person.

I will only give speeches when Britain is p*ssed, says Boris Johnson

THE prime minister, who will give a Brexit speech at 11pm tonight, has confirmed he will only make speeches when Britain is sh*tfaced. 

Five things morons are expecting to happen after Brexit

ARE you a Brexiter with mad ideas about life after Brexit, or a ridiculously melodramatic Remainer? Here are some things that won’t be happening.

Brexit celebration attended by more than 4,000 brain cells

A BREXIT rally has been attended by almost 150 people who do not appear to have a f**king clue about what they are celebrating. 

Express readers outraged they can't put Remainers in wicker man for Brexit Eve

DAILY Express readers have blamed political correctness gone mad for not being allowed to burn Remainers alive in a wicker man on Brexit Eve. 

Does waving a little flag give you an erection?

HUMAN sexual responses are complex and affected by a wide range of stimuli. But does your penis only become tumescent by waving a tiny Union Jack or are you normal? 

How to organise a hideously middle-class pro-EU event

ARE you a Guardian reader who wants to show their support for the EU as we leave tomorrow? Here’s how to hold an event that’s embarrassingly middle class.

'Shut the f**k up' mutters MP listening to elderly voter

A LABOUR MP who felt he should listen patiently to the concerns of an elderly constituent is deeply regretting it.