Politics

PEOPLE often say to me: ‘Shouldn’t you be out with your mates boozing and chasing girls?’ Actually they usually say ‘You’re that Reform twat, aren’t you?’ but you see what I mean.

A MOTHER attending an asylum protest to protect her children could have done so more effectively by not bringing them along, it has emerged.

NIGEL Farage has pledged to stamp out crime by recruiting a new force of large middle-aged men fortified with cooked breakfasts.

THE sight of a Palestinian flag at the opera, of all places, has left Britain trembling and terrified at where they might see one next. Fear these events.

LABOUR’S voting age change means today’s 12-year-olds will vote in the next election. How are you readying them for their civic responsibilities?

AFTER a hard day being Tory leader, there’s nothing I like more than to chillax with a mango ice vape, some Charlie XXX and spawning into a nice relaxing game of Fortnite. I find it very nang.

SO Starmer’s removed the whip from four of his MPs, meaning no nasty bastard threatening them if they don’t follow orders? Is anyone else not seeing a downside?

WORRIED you might be about to send the most expensive and life-endangering email ever sent? But it’s 4.58pm? Here’s how to do the most basic checks.