Politics

Britain waiting for medical all-clear to think Boris is a dick again

BRITONS are nervously awaiting the all-clear from the prime minister’s doctors so that they can think he is a dick again. 

Ah shit. I don't think I want to do this now

YEAH. Thanks for electing me leader and everything, but is it okay if I’ve changed my mind? Because if I’m honest I want f**k all to do with this mess.

Your guide to paying all your bills on £94 a week, by Rishi Sunak

HI. I’m Rishi Sunak and I won’t leave you behind. If somehow you’re still struggling to get by on Britain’s prompt and generous Universal Credit system, here’s how to pay your way. 

Boris Johnson leading the nation by f**king terrible example

THE prime minister is leading the nation by setting a f**king terrible example showing them what not to do, Downing Street has claimed.

Thanks for clapping me, says Johnson

THE prime minister has thanked Britain for clapping to show they do not blame him in the slightest for the current crisis.

'Stop being so bloody wet': Boris Johnson's rules for the coronavirus crisis

AS prime minister, let me say I am bloody pissed off. This was meant to be my year. Here’s what you as Britons can do to not upset me further.

Why massive Tory spending is different to massive Labour spending, by a Tory

DURING the budget you may have noticed that Tory spending is fine but Labour's was not. Here Tory MP Denys Finch Hatton explains why.

Win a date with Priti Patel

WOULD you like to win a date with the UK’s popular home secretary Priti Patel? Enter our unique competition for charity by answering these Priti-related questions. 

The unemployed Brexiter's guide to new job opportunities

RESTRICTIONS on migrant workers could free up jobs for unemployed Leave voters. Here are some of the exciting opportunities on offer.  

Who is the new Chancellor of the Exchequer? No f**king idea

BRITAIN has a new Chancellor of the Exchequer, second only in power to the prime minister. But who is he? No f**king clue whatsoever.