Politics

We ask you: What do you think Starmer's next scandal will be?

THE prime minister is limping from scandal to outrage to scandal, which has nothing to do with the right-wing media wanting him out. What will his next one be?

Tottenham, Britain ungovernable

TOTTENHAM Hotspur and the United Kingdom are both entirely ungovernable and doing so only ruins the reputation of anyone who tries.

Nobody sure how to tell Wes Streeting he's not popular

FRIENDS of Wes Streeting have realised he holds the belief he is universally popular and are debating how to disabuse him of this.

Keir Starmer: is he going to resign, go for drinks with Liz Truss, get hammered and end up getting off with her?

THE chance that the prime minister will end up in bed with the last-but-one prime minister after a night of drunken commiseration grows by the hour.

Starmer's new chief of staff: will he be able to fix a f**king pothole, asks Britain?

AS Westminster is abuzz with speculation about who will run Downing Street now, Britain asks: whoever it is, can he get me a f**king hospital appointment?

Rayner seen circling in the sky above Starmer

ANGELA Rayner has been spotted wheeling in wide circles in the sky over wherever Keir Starmer is standing.

Peter Mandelson stripped of Prince of Darkness title

PETER Mandelson will no longer be referred to as the Prince of Darkness or enjoy the benefits of the title, it has been confirmed.