Man has nightmare where only person on his side is Nadine Dorries

A MAN has awoken from a horrific nightmare in which he had f**ked up so badly the only person defending him was Nadine Dorries. 

Eight other quotes you could use to tell Boris Johnson to f**k off

DAVID Davies yesterday quoted Oliver Cromwell to tell Johnson to piss off. Which other quotes, with helpful amendments, might help the dick get the message? 

Even Tim Martin doesn't like you, and other ways to know you're really up shit creek

BORIS Johnson has found himself in non-stop trouble recently. Here he explains the telltale signs that you might be irretrievably f**ked.

Dear Boris, when I called you a 'lying sack of shit' I may have spoken in haste

AS a loyal Tory MP, I feel I should make it clear that when I referred to you as a ‘lying sack of shit’, a ‘f**king liability’ and a ‘dead man walking’, I was only kidding.

Tory MP joins Labour just in time for the good bit

A CONSERVATIVE MP has crossed the floor sides just in time to enjoy the downfall of his former party.

'I always thought I'd have to quit because I'd been caught f**king someone'

I NEVER thought it would end like this. In my head, after I’d led Britain roaring back to imperial glory, I have to quit because I’ve been caught f**king someone.

Nine reasons why your vote for Boris Johnson doesn't make you a prize dick

DID you vote for Boris Johnson in 2019? Feeling quite the rosette-wearing cock? Former Boris fan Norman Steele has nine pathetic ways to justify it.

How to cope now that you're rooting for that bellend Cummings

FOUND yourself rooting for that bastard Cummings now that he’s putting the boot into Johnson? Come to terms with this development.

Protestors celebrate defeat of crime bill by not being rounded up and shot

PEACEFUL protestors have celebrated the defeat of the government’s crime bill in the Lords by not being arrested, imprisoned without charge and shot at dawn.

Sue Gray's guide to fifteen minutes of political fame

IT’S January 2022, and the name on every Conservative minister desperately stalling for time’s lips is Sue Gray. But what’s it like to be her?