Politics

YESTERDAY, I unveiled my grand new plan to end immigration forever. Yet people kept asking me about Brexit? Why, when it was unrelated to immigration in any way?

PATRIOTS who love their country and have no other underlying motivation are turning crossings and roundabouts into England flags. They can do these next.

WE have solved the migrant hotel problem, but apparently they don’t just vanish? No problem. We’ve used our collective expertise to find new locations to house them.

RACHEL Reeves needs to find £41 billion if she's to meet her self-imposed borrowing rules, according to a think tank. How would you rustle up the necessary funds?

GHISLAINE Maxwell is clearly being prepped to give an account of Trump and Epstein's friendship that exonerates the president. Here's the new version of events she's probably working on right now.

PRESIDENT Trump has popped into the UK to give our beleaguered prime minister advice on how to be a great leader like he is. These are his tips.