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Politics

Your bitter ex, and other people from your past you'd rather hear from than Tony Blair

THE ghoulish spectre of Tony Blair reappeared this week to share his thoughts on current events. Here are five people you’d sooner hear from.

Count Binface 'only man who can unite Labour', says Blair

How not to notice a camper van, with Scotland's Nicola Sturgeon

HELLO, I’m former first minister and future Through The Keyhole host Nicola Sturgeon, who is oblivious to 90 per cent of my lived environment and you can be too.

Reform or Restore? A guide to the choice Britain's worst arseholes are making

IN the constituency of Makerfield, knobheads face an agonising dilemma: Nigel Farage’s Reform or Rupert Lowe’s Restore Britain? We help them decide.

Starmer confident he'll stay in role, given these twats

Win Makerfield, romance Shabana Mahmood, raise Brexit from the dead: the Seven Trials of Andy Burnham

ANDY Burnham must pass seven trials to become prime minister. These are they.

'Economy's doing alright if anyone's interested'

Rayner to enter race riding Streeting like he's a pig

ANGELA Rayner is to make a dramatic entry into the Labour leadership race riding Wes Streeting as if he is a pig mount.

Dodgy tax affairs prove Polanski is ready to lead the country

AN incriminating tax controversy means that Zack Polanski has got what it takes to be prime minister, the public believes. 

King's Speech includes list of whiny little bitches

A LATE addition to the King’s Speech has the monarch listing a number of Labour MPs and cabinet members who ‘will henceforward be known as whiny little bitches’.