Politics

ANDY Burnham clearly wants to rejoin the EU, which is bad news for Brexiters. But have they considered the benefits of returning to life before the 2016 referendum?

THE prime minister has decided to put the boot in to pensioners on the grounds they all vote far-right anyway so what the f**k.

THE prime minister has reassured young people that by the time they retire their state pensions will have no locks, should they even exist at all.

ANDY Burnham’s plans to nationalise public services are an evil plot by a depraved monster, which many Britons have failed to understand. Our impartial media will help.

THE UK has confirmed it is ready to loathe freeloading pensioners bleeding us dry with their f**king triple locks the moment they are given the word.

KEMI Badenoch will stop the jobless buying cigarettes, alcohol or gambling with their benefits. What would you snatch out of their grubby hands?

IT was a perfect moment. Me and Carney watching Everton bang Wolves out of the League Cup. Except even as prime minister I couldn’t get a pint of diesel.

PRESIDENT Trump knows exactly three things about the UK and has forgotten three others. This is the full extent of his knowledge and ignorance.

ANDY Burnham meets Donald Trump for the first time today, and it is unlikely to go well. The last six prime ministers warn him what to expect.

AWARE of his precarious position within his party, Liberal Democrat leader Ed Davey has soberly ziplined onto the conference stage without applause.