Well that's us sorted for life, say Britons getting 400 quid

GRATEFUL Britons are relieved that the cost of living crisis is now over thanks to Rishi Sunak’s incredibly generous one-off payment of £400.

Magic money tree provides unexpected bumper crop

DESPITE apparently not existing, the magic money tree is set to cut UK energy bills by hundreds of pounds, it has emerged.

'He's got away with it again!' say same people letting him get away with it

THE exact same people facilitating Boris Johnson’s escape from any kind of consequence are marvelling that he has escaped without consequences.

'My conclusion is that throughout lockdown, Downing Street was party f**king central'

DURING the periods of national lockdown, when pubs and nightclubs were closed, it is impossible not to conclude that Downing Street was party f**king central for the UK.

How to defend an absolute twat of a man

HAVE you been called upon, in your professional life, to defend the indefensible actions of a total twat? Tory MP Julian Cook explains how.

Women and black people shocked by accusations of Met incompetence

WOMEN and black people have been left dumbfounded after learning the Metropolitan police are unable to arrest the right people.

'Call that a party?'

AN idiot would look at ITV’s photos and leap to the conclusion that a large group of people drinking alcohol constitutes a party. That would be foolish and wrong.

You don't care about this, public reminded

THE public have been reminded by the Conservatives that they are not the least interested in Partygate and want the government to get on with the job.

What I wasn't told at the meeting that didn't happen, by Sue Gray

SEVERAL weeks ago, I did not attend a meeting with not the prime minister who at no point edited my report. Here is my timeline of non-events.

Your FREE Daily Mail 'Johnson is innocent' 18-page souvenir special

CELEBRATE Boris Johnson being found innocent enough by the Met with today’s historic Daily Mail souvenir special. Here’s a taste of the high-quality journalism it contains.