Nigel Farage's re-telling of the Parable of the Good Samaritan

I'M Nigel Farage, spokesman for the real people of this once Christian country. Here is my truly British re-telling of the Parable of the Good Samaritan.

The Brexiter's guide to suddenly being furious about what you voted for

ANNOYED there’s a shortage of fresh produce in the supermarket, despite being warned about it when you voted Leave? Brexiter Roy Hobbs explains his confused anger.

Are you enough of a freak to be an MP? Take our quiz

YOU dream of amassing power while pretending to serve the nation but are you duplicitous, egotistical and downright odd enough? Find out.

Your guide to good parenting, by Boris and Carrie Johnson

EVERY new parent likes to buy a supposedly authoritative book about raising children. Here are our top parenting tips.

Government to stimulate post-lockdown economy by giving everyone six grams of coke

THE government is to continue sensibly and responsibly restoring the UK’s economy post-lockdown by giving every citizen six grams of cocaine.

Tory fans already excitedly wondering what next weekend's massive f**k-up will be

FANS of the Conservative party are already speculating as to how they will top the last two weekends’ big old f**k-ups next weekend.

'Why are you such a twat?' and five other questions Dominic Cummings should have been asked

LAURA Kuenssberg’s interview with the prime minister’s former SPAD was packed with explosive revelations we already knew. Here’s what he should have been asked:

'I am f**king obsessed with migrants and I love it'

RETIRED grease trap cleaner Roy Hobbs is obsessed with migrants and regularly goes spotting on the Kent coast. He explains his rewarding hobby.

I wanted to visit the Queen to test my eyesight, says Johnson

THE prime minister only requested a face-to-face meeting with the Queen during the pandemic to ensure his vision was okay, he has confirmed.

Why 'one rule for you and another for them' is fine: Boris Johnson explains

PISSED off about having to self-isolate whilst I’ve done everything I can to try and weasel out of it? Here’s why double standards are perfectly acceptable.