Politics

THE Chancellor has confirmed that she will be targeting you and everything you hold dear in her Spring Statement this week.

RUSSIA is suspected to be behind yesterday’s closure of Heathrow which irritated tens of thousands. Would further inconvenience force us to surrender?

THE chancellor has explained to the electorate that, just like with voting for lower immigration and Boris, they will not be getting exactly what they asked for.

A SCHISM in Reform UK is the inescapable consequence of running a party entirely composed of frothing mad f**kwits, its leader has admitted.

VICE-president JD Vance caused outrage by disparaging random European countries that are definitely not, he later clarified, Britain. So where did he mean?

AMERICA’S a bit of a no-go. Europe hates me. Best not mention Russia. It seems it is time to dedicate myself to the good people of Clacton.

A SELECTION of British lunatics are claiming, in the face of all available evidence, that Friday’s events were good for the US and Ukraine. Hear them out.

PRESIDENT Trump has promised that in the event of any military action against British forces in Ukraine, he will hold the prime minister’s jacket.