Politics

THE Conservatives are seizing control of the electoral narrative with a series of personal attacks on Keir Starmer, beginning by calling him a fat, sweaty whoremonger.

REFORM have narrowly edged ahead of the Conservatives in a battle to be Britain’s most unelectable right-wing arseholes.

THE MP and aide to Rishi Sunak who placed a bet on a July election has placed a second bet on the result, but admitted he does not stand to win a great deal.

ONE of the few good things about the election is finding out what type of bellend your neighbours are from the poster in their window or sign in their garden. Here’s how to judge them.

BOTH the Conservative and Green Party manifestos are packed with impossible promises from unelectable parties. But which is the more preposterous?

RISHI Sunak wasn’t allowed Sky TV, so the leaders of all other parties have rushed to share their heartbreaking childhood deprivations to catch up. This is what they suffered.

POLITICOPHILES looking to get an erotic charge from this election aren’t finding it easy. This is how they’re managing to edge through the debates.

EVERY Conservative electoral promise is to fix something which was fine before they f**ked it up, it has emerged.