Politics

Brexit going so well we're now at war with France

BREXIT is going so amazingly well that within a mere five months we are now at war with France. 

How your vote won't count today

OFF to the polling station today with a strong suspicion it won’t improve things in the slightest? Here’s why you are probably right to be cynical.

Five potential career moves for Melania Trump

WITH her husband due to leave the White House, Melania Trump is reported to be considering a range of career moves, drawing on her many skillsets. Here are some options.

Gove reassures Kent that one portaloo for 200 lorry drivers probably won't affect property prices

MICHAEL Gove has told the people of Kent that the all-pervasive smell of lorry drivers’ excrement will actually be a ‘Brexit bonus’ for the county.

I superforecasted all this, says Cummings

DOMINIC Cummings has confirmed that he superforecasted everything about the current Downing Street row, including being out on his arse. 

Carrie Symonds announces cabinet reshuffle

CARRIE Symonds, in her capacity as prime minister’s consort, has announced a full cabinet reshuffle. 

The president cannot reverse time: Trump's lies fact-checked

PRESIDENT Trump last night made a number of claims to the American people of dubious veracity. Here we fact-check them one by one. 

'How's that US trade deal looking?' Remainers ask Brexiters

BREXITERS have been asked for an update on Britain’s amazing trade deal with America now that Donald Trump is likely to lose.

Why counting votes is undemocratic, by a MAGA twat

SNEAKY Democrats are trying to sabotage this election by placing more votes for their candidate than us Republicans. Let me explain why that undermines democracy while I disrupt ballot counting.

The Tory party guide to purging your party of racism

LABOUR is in turmoil over its handling of antisemitism. Here Tory minister Norman Steele explains how his party is completely free of racism and welcomes people of a funny colour.