Politics

THE Tories have gone into full panic mode and started gibbering incoherently about everything from Banksy to the horror of a four-day week. But which unlikely threat is the most hilarious?

WE have held debates, I won them all and they were on television. Everybody watched them and everybody will therefore vote for me or what was the point?

THE party leaders have revealed their favourite TV shows, which is obviously a pack of lies intended to project how normal they are. Here’s what they really binge-watch.

THE prime minister is holding out for every single one of the 15 Conservatives being investigated for gambling to be charged so his William Hill wager pays off.

WITH only ten days to go until the election, the Tories are running out of time to squeeze in their final remaining scandals. Including these will be tight.

NEW polling suggests the Conservatives could lose up to 300 seats, including these long-standing enclaves of delusional loathing:

THE prime minister pledged that his popularity would always be lower than UK inflation, which has fallen to two per cent. Has he kept his promise?

KEIR Starmer’s campaign strategy of solidly promising very little is thrilling the electorate. Next, he plans to adapt speeches from the great orators of history.

PRISONERS given the vote would unanimously vote Conservative, they have confirmed.