Politics

ELON Musk has belatedly discovered every friendship with Trump goes the same way: he profits, you lose. These are the stages:

REFORM chairman Zia Yusuf has been asked what on earth he thought Reform represented after resigning over a proposed burqa ban.

THE prime minister has asked his country to be as up for a fight as it is every Friday evening after eight pints and a kebab, but geopolitically.

THE world order trembles on the edge of collapse. Only principled politicians attending whiskey launches by convicted criminals at Scunthorpe FC can save it.

THE government has brought Rod Stewart’s model railway into public ownership despite the star's protests, it has emerged.

NIGEL Farage has reached the inevitable stage every cult leader does by demanding that Britain f**k for him. Will you answer the call?

SADIQ Khan has outrageously suggested that the law in London should be updated to match ongoing realities on the ground.

RUMOURS that every left-wing national leader is secretly gay may arise from the bigoted dicks arrayed against them, research has found.

THE worst part of the Chagos Islands deal is that Starmer could have gone to war over them and secured a second term, it has emerged.