When to keep your dick in your pants: A guide for Tory MPs

WANT to avoid a similar fate as Peter Bone and Crispin Blunt? Follow this handy guide for when you should keep your dick in your pants.

Starmer: I am proud to be the face of apathetic change

KEIR Starmer has quietly and modestly accepted his position as the poster boy of indifferent, apathetic change.

Go on, elect a new leader, we all need a laugh, Britain tells Tories

BRITAIN is seeking to convince the Conservative party their by-election losses mean they need a new leader, just to see what freak they get this time.

Puzzled by-election voters can't find 'make Nadine Dorries a peer' option

VOTERS in the mid-Bedfordshire by-election cannot find the box to tick which means Nadine Dorries becomes a Lady, which surely is what this was all about.

Sunak equally puzzled by who wrecked UK hospitals

THE prime minister is similarly puzzled by the state of UK hospitals which are mysteriously underfunded and understaffed.

Is Britain so woke I can no longer dangle my cock in someone's face? By Peter Bone MP

A PRETTY pass we’ve come to when dangling your penis and scrotal sac in an underling’s face is considered ‘abnormal’. This woke tyranny must be ended once and for all.

Like settling into a lovely warm bath, says Corbyn at Free Palestine rally

JEREMY Corbyn has admitted being back at Free Palestine rallies is like settling into a lovely warm bubble bath.

Prescott punching an egg-thrower: Responses to political protests less boring as f**k than Starmer's

KEIR Starmer boringly removed his jacket and carried on with his speech after having glitter thrown at him yesterday. Which politicians would have responded with a bit more spunk?

Starmer: 'Let's knock this shithole down and start again'

KEIR Starmer is to suggest that around 90 per cent of Britain be demolished so it can be rebuilt properly.

It would be a tragedy if we did not use this to attack Labour and the BBC

THE events in Israel are horrifying and tragic. But if we can use them to develop solid lines of attack against the BBC and Keir Starmer, then we must.