Politics

'Can the Queen sack the prime minister', Googles Queen

HER Majesty the Queen has consulted an internet search engine over whether she can fire Boris Johnson, it has emerged.

The BBC, and seven other things much more popular than Boris Johnson he can kill to win the nation round

BORIS Johnson is to kill the BBC for being more popular with Britain than he is. What else could he destroy to win us round?

You're f**king right you're sorry, says Queen

THE Queen has responded to Downing Street’s apology by commenting ‘f**king right they’re sorry’ but ‘not as sorry as they’re going to be’.

Fill me with your babies, Rishi: Another toe-curling column about Sunak

I’M allegedly an adult woman and a serious journalist, but I think I speak for all the ladies when I say: shag me, sexy Mr Chancellor, and fill me with your little Rishis.

Millions from journalism and public speaking: The destitution that awaits Boris Johnson

BORIS Johnson will surely soon be deposed as PM, leaving politics in shame and disgrace. Here’s what the remainder of his wretched, penniless existence has in store for him.

A form letter of no confidence for Tory MPs with writer's block

ARE you a Tory MP? Have you written your letter to the 1922 Committee yet? Here is an easy template to follow: 

Why haven't you f**ked off yet?

BORIS Johnson has arrived at work to face one burning question from his party and the country: why haven’t you f**ked off yet?

Priti Patel's totally unbiased guide to whether a party is criminal or not

IN 2020 Priti Patel said she’d call the police to report a neighbour holding a party but now she’s defending Boris Johnson’s. Here’s her guide to whether a party breaks the law.

All work BYOB from lunchtime today

FOLLOWING Boris Johnson’s admission that he ‘believed implicitly’ that 30 people in the garden drinking was a work event, all work is bring your own booze from 1pm today.

WKD Blue for Gove: which booze would which politician take to a BYOB party?

THE Conservative government appears to have been having it large throughout lockdown. But which type of booze would which politician favour?