Politics

LABOUR is pitching its council election campaign at ordinary voters who cannot be f**ked going through yet another sodding leadership contest.

THE local elections are a big opportunity for the Greens, but will they ditch the wacky policies and oddball behaviour that kept them on the fringes before, like this?

ANGELA Rayner is to return to cabinet but played by a noticeably different actress, Labour have confirmed.

GETTING so excited by a select committee hearing that you pronounce the end of the prime minister can only be a sex thing, experts believe.

THE media has stated that Keir Starmer’s time as prime minister is over, but without explaining exactly why or how that is to happen.

MANAGED to piss off your employees, your opponents and your own party? No problem. Bore them into submission like I do.

THURSDAY’S edition of political panel show Question Time will be broadcast from Angryborough in the county of South Bigotshire.

THE prime minister has informed parliament he cannot answer questions as he is orbiting Earth on the International Space Station for the next 18 months.

THE public has agreed that the thing Keir Starmer had to resign for in February, but did not and which was soon forgotten, must be resigned for again.