Politics

THE world order trembles on the edge of collapse. Only principled politicians attending whiskey launches by convicted criminals at Scunthorpe FC can save it.

THE government has brought Rod Stewart’s model railway into public ownership despite the star's protests, it has emerged.

NIGEL Farage has reached the inevitable stage every cult leader does by demanding that Britain f**k for him. Will you answer the call?

SADIQ Khan has outrageously suggested that the law in London should be updated to match ongoing realities on the ground.

RUMOURS that every left-wing national leader is secretly gay may arise from the bigoted dicks arrayed against them, research has found.

THE worst part of the Chagos Islands deal is that Starmer could have gone to war over them and secured a second term, it has emerged.

BRITAIN’S pensioners have announced that they will continue to loathe Starmer even though he has bent to their whim.

THE UK has apparently been stitched up like a herring that has been split, gutted, smoked and is now, to widespread horror, served up for breakfast.

A MAN sitting at home alone watching news of a UK-EU deal has said ‘they’ve betrayed my Brexit’ almost too quietly and sadly to be heard.