Politics

We will give every child a pack of fags on their 15th birthday, says Labour

THE opposition has defied the government’s smoking ban by pledging to give every child a pack of 20 cigarettes on their 15th birthday.

Ten Years To Clear Up My F**king Mess: Liz Truss's new book, rewritten by the electorate

49-DAY prime minister Liz Truss has released a new book detailing her plan to save the world. Britain has notes.

Rayner tax controversy: Labour deputy leader unable to resist bragging about her lucrative petty scams

'Oh what, like you've never sent a hostile foreign power nudes?' says Tory MP

CONSERVATIVE MP William Wragg has told people judging him for sending nudes to a foreign agent they have undoubtedly done the same or worse themselves.

New Year's Eve, and five other times in 2024 that would be best for Sunak to call an election

COULD a cleverly chosen date for the election swing it for Rishi Sunak? It’s unlikely he’s got any other brilliant strategies, so here are some days he should keep in mind.

Scottish police to look like dicks either way

SCOTTISH police have confirmed they will look like big fascist knobs if they arrest JK Rowling and limp little willys if they do not.

We ask you: when should Rishi Sunak get his arse kicked at a general election?

THE prime minister has been accused of chickening out of calling a general election by Labour. When should he go to the country and lose?

Filling in forms correctly is woke, says Laurence Fox

Quick war with China to clinch election, decides government

THE government has decided to engage in a quick war with China to gain public support ahead of the election, it has emerged.

Let's forget about all those 'Vote Leave' signs in fields, eh? By a farmer

WE farmers are left with no choice but to protest at cheap, low-quality imports threatening our livelihoods. We’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve it, except that thing in 2016.