Politics

A LATE addition to the King’s Speech has the monarch listing a number of Labour MPs and cabinet members who ‘will henceforward be known as whiny little bitches’.

KEIR Starmer summoned the latest challenger to enter his hall of combat while drinking blood from a horn while seated on his throne of enemies’ skulls.

A LABOUR leadership contest must happen because the public demands it. Here Britons reveal which much-loved MP they have chosen to be their eternal champion.

THE minister for Resigning To Make A Political Point has offered her resignation to Keir Starmer.

A DAILY Mail reader has been rushed to hospital after mentally picturing Angela Rayner as prime minister.

A BRITISH public incessantly faced with the question of whether Starmer can survive has come up with some more imaginative scenarios for it.

THE prime minister has assured Britain’s voters that the loathing is entirely mutual.

REFORM have taken a handful of councils across Britain and will now attempt to end immigration using only local planning laws. This is how they’ll try:

WE'RE set for big gains today, so let’s look forward to a fairer, greener Britain. That's assuming Green councillors don’t bollocks things up as impressively quickly as me.

HEADING out to vote in elections today but don’t know if you have everything you need? Consult this handy election guide.