Freedom of movement and lots of lovely immigrants: David Davis talks you through his Remainers' Brexit

STAUNCH ally of the EU David Davis has outlined the benefits of his recently unveiled Remainers’ Brexit. Let him lead you through it.

Nadine Dorries' guide to getting ahead with insane, sycophantic arse-licking

HI, I’m Nadine Dorries and I stuck my head so far up my boss’s arse that he gave me an important job I’m terrible at. Here’s how you can do the same.

I'm in such deep shit I'm launching policies to appeal to benefits scum

OF all the low points this year, this has to be the lowest. Launching housing policies explicitly targeted at scum claiming benefits.

When to put the knife in, by Michael Gove

HELLO, Gove here, taking bookings for hook-ups. But when I’m not enjoying single life I like to lurk in the shadows and betray. This is how to pick your moment.

'They're just jealous of his pretty wife': Your gran's muddled view of Boris Johnson

EVER wondered why pensioners like your gran keep voting Tory? Here are some strange distortions of the facts a worrying number of older people seem to believe.

Six other things less popular than Theresa May in 2018

THE prime minister is less popular among his own MPs than Theresa May in 2018, when she was less popular than scabies. What else is he as unpopular as?

Public happy enough to watch him suffer

THE public has confirmed it is content to watch an impaled Boris Johnson wriggle like a worm on a hook for a while before being finished off.

Suck it, Britain

MY MPs tried to kick me out. The country booed me at the Jubilee. But I’m here with one thing to say to the turncoats: suck my big posh dick.

Am I to be damned forever for a single flaw? Johnson asks heavens

BORIS Johnson has lamented that a single error, committed multiple times over a year, seems set to blight his long and distinguished career of public service.

How the vote of no confidence has already been unanimously won: Nadine Dorries explains

TODAY’S vote of no confidence called by the biased media was won with the prime minister receiving 100 per cent of the vote before it even took place. Here’s how.