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HOT weather makes Britons behave unusually, and so it was when 17-year-old Catherine Howard stripped out of her lady-in-waiting outfit to wash a gun carriage.

If you listen to Dark Side of the Moon at the same time as you watch The Wizard of Oz, you’re f**king muntered.

WAKING with a hangover the size of Yorkshire, but mercifully not causing me to adopt a tiresome ‘bluff’ persona, I reflect on another tumultuous week in matters ecclesiastical. 

THE crowd before the Pyramid Stage is in a frenzy. Then He strides on stage and they lose it. The whole attendance of Pilton Farm, chanting ‘Oh, Nigel Farage’…

DUE to the vagaries of late-stage capitalism – I believe in giving back, so I subscribe to eight OnlyFans – I needed a job. WFH of course, I’m not a freak.

Apparently there’s a shot of the Sycamore Gap tree in the new 28 Years Later. But a fast-moving zombie one.

WAKING with a hangover so pulsating it has disabled streaming services in the Lambeth area, leaving providers such as Netflix and Disney+ owing thousands in compensation, I reflect upon yesterday’s events. 

EVERYTHING’S got to be tarted up and made 'special' these days, hasn’t it? Even pizzas, beautiful in their simplicity, a timeless British classic. 

ADVENTUROUS couple Jordan and Sophie Gardner, both 35, are out with 26-year-old Charlotte Phelps. But can this menage a trois even share dessert?

The first casualty of war is truth. The second is Archduke Franz Ferdinand.