Public excited to discover what they voted for

THE King’s speech to parliament is the first chance for Britain to find out what they voted for three weeks ago, they have confirmed.

Dear Donna, I'm better at my job than anyone's been in 60 years. Should I resign?

I’VE got a high-profile job, which I admittedly lucked into, that I’ve done pretty well for eight years. I’m not the best in the world or even in Europe but I am second-best in Europe and my bosses like me.

Your astrological week ahead for July 12th, with Psychic Bob

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get thrown out of London Zoo. But sometimes just a couple will get the job done.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... having no f**king desire to Meet the Rees-Moggs

WAKING up with a hangover so stinking it can be smelt in neighbouring boroughs, I recall the events that led me to my current pass. 

Salted bloody cod and twats into golf: The gammon food critic's Algarve all-inclusive

I HAD to escape this pissbag of an English summer. Endless bloody rain and I can't even blame it on immigration, like I do every other problem with Britain.

Woman having kids so she can leave work whenever she f**king likes

A WOMAN has decided to have children so she can breeze in and out of work whenever she wants, no questions asked.

Does your vulva need a facelift? asks the Mash sex columnist

GOING to Turkey? Boobs, bum or labiaplasty? With vaginal anxiety apparently at an all-time high, women are turning to cosmetic surgery for the smile few will ever see.

Your astrological week ahead for July 6th, with Psychic Bob

Ramp up the sexiness in your household by being constantly blindfolded. Don’t just save it for the bedroom.

A white home counties roadman participates in a school democratic process, innit

WAGWAN? Man seriously vexed coz your fam, Active J, woz supposed to be voted as da class president. Calm.