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A WOMAN caught cheating has a respectable, patriarchy-smashing reason for doing so, it has emerged.

THE name of Marie Antoinette, consort of Louis XVI of France, has endured almost entirely because of how fit she was. But did you know she also invented influencing?

“I want to thank you. For the advice you gave me? That flying f**k at that rolling donut was the best sexual experience of my life.”

WAKING up in a cryogenic freezing machine, I lift the lid and wonder at what point in the future I have arrived. 

A TEXT reply from your crush should show barely-concealed longing and lust. So why are yours bland placeholder messages? Here’s what people text back when they’re just not feeling it.

Wagwan? Man is bare gassed. Superswag Active J scored a peng Valentine’s Day card on him’s desk in history today, innit.

A WOMAN who has never had to download an app and swipe through awful profiles is daring to give dating advice, it has emerged.

HANNAH Tomlinson and Oliver O’Connor have been nominally looking for love and finding only casual sex for some years now. When will they realise they’ve dated before?

A WOMAN only puts effort into her appearance for herself and the chief deity of the Aztecs Huitzilopochtli, she has confirmed.

MUSIC snobs love to prove their superiority with their ‘challenging’ choices. But be warned - coming into contact with these albums may make you one of them.