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Mash Blind Date: 'I didn't realise he came with his own dedicated stalker'

CAN 28-year-old Helen Archer enjoy the company of Tom Logan, aged 32, without his stalker ex arriving and threatening her with a butter knife?

Your astrological week ahead for February 7th, with Psychic Bob

Expect a big romantic gesture this week! Because it’s Valentine’s Day, genius. Christ, we really are serving absolute bottom-feeders here.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... is it time for the Pope to give rubber johnnies a go?

WAKING up with a hangover whose reverberations were a contributory factor in the earthquakes that afflicted the Greek island of Santorini, I reflect on the past week. 

My timeshare apartment on the Gaza Strip is already bought. If yours isn't, you're an anti-Semite

I WAKE, the sun glowing through the blinds. I rise, fling them aside, and gaze out from my timeshare onto the exclusive resort and spa once known as Gaza.

Six sexual milestones you didn't realise you were meant to be stressing about, by the Mash sex columnist

IF you’re not panicking about arbitrary sexual milestones, then you really should be. To contribute to your insomnia tonight, here are five you may not have considered.

Your astrological week ahead for February 1st, with Psychic Bob

Thing is, most people fancy Jodie Foster and hate the president, but John Hinckley went and made it weird.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... Richard Madeley, absolutely the right person to discuss shoplifting

WAKING with a hangover that has left my tongue feeling like a king-size foam mattress left out in the rain for several days, I reflect on the tumultuous events of the past week.

One wrong word and I'll end up on the menu: The gammon food critic's taste of Africa

IT always feels out of order talking about Africa and food in the same breath. All those guilt trips from Oxfam with starving kiddies and asking for money. It’s enough to put you off your dinner.

This week in Mash History: 'I have a dream of racial equality that will last oh, let's say 60 years' says MLK, 1963

THE achievements of the Reverend Martin Luther King cannot be overstated, with even an annual federal holiday for Americans celebrating his legacy of equality.

Your astrological week ahead for January 25th, with Psychic Bob

Just two more and you’ve slept with every mascot in league football. God damn, why must Pilgrim Pete and Pottermus play so hard to get?