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WAKING with a feeling of wellbeing, elation and high self-esteem, I reflect on what led to this happy condition - oddly, a conversation with my private physician, who suggested I address my alcoholic intake.

ORLANDO Bloom, noted thespian, Mr Katy Perry and former elf, reveals the everyday proverbs which continue to leave him baffled.

The 1990s were the greatest decade in history. For example, I was born in 1996.

“I'm actually putting all of this weight on for a role in a Hollywood movie.”

WAKING with a hangover that leaves me seeing quadruple until I vomit copiously from a bay window, I reflect on the harrowing experience I had tried to blot out with alcohol.

DID you stay up for it? For the coronation? The moment the people of Clacton, Britain’s bellwether, elected our next prime minister?

THE King’s speech to parliament is the first chance for Britain to find out what they voted for three weeks ago, they have confirmed.

I’VE got a high-profile job, which I admittedly lucked into, that I’ve done pretty well for eight years. I’m not the best in the world or even in Europe but I am second-best in Europe and my bosses like me.

Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get thrown out of London Zoo. But sometimes just a couple will get the job done.

WAKING up with a hangover so stinking it can be smelt in neighbouring boroughs, I recall the events that led me to my current pass.