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WAKING up with a hangover so intense that anything I stare at turns bright green and melts, I reflect on the turbulence of the last few days.

I’VE held my tongue for too long. But I refuse to be silenced. It is time to speak my truth. And my truth is this: is it just me, or are KitKat Chunkys getting smaller?

CAN 28-year-old Helen Archer enjoy the company of Tom Logan, aged 32, without his stalker ex arriving and threatening her with a butter knife?

Expect a big romantic gesture this week! Because it’s Valentine’s Day, genius. Christ, we really are serving absolute bottom-feeders here.

WAKING up with a hangover whose reverberations were a contributory factor in the earthquakes that afflicted the Greek island of Santorini, I reflect on the past week. 

I WAKE, the sun glowing through the blinds. I rise, fling them aside, and gaze out from my timeshare onto the exclusive resort and spa once known as Gaza.

IF you’re not panicking about arbitrary sexual milestones, then you really should be. To contribute to your insomnia tonight, here are five you may not have considered.

Thing is, most people fancy Jodie Foster and hate the president, but John Hinckley went and made it weird.

WAKING with a hangover that has left my tongue feeling like a king-size foam mattress left out in the rain for several days, I reflect on the tumultuous events of the past week.

IT always feels out of order talking about Africa and food in the same breath. All those guilt trips from Oxfam with starving kiddies and asking for money. It’s enough to put you off your dinner.