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Your astrological week ahead for November 23rd, with Psychic Bob

You’ve staked out a ring, you’ve got baying crowds, an illegal bookie is taking cash bets. But these snowballs just won’t fight.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... why actors get scripts instead of talking their own shite

WAKING up with a hangover so malignant it has caused me to grow a third testicle, I switch on the wireless and learn that John Prescott has died. 

A white home counties roadman swags da role of hanti-bullying hambassador

WAGWAN? At ease, fam. You is in safe hands. It was hanti-bullyin’ week last week and school recognised Active J’s bossness by awarding man to be da hanti-bullyin’ hambassador for man’s year. Gassed! Gassed! Gassed!

A confused millennial tries to…chat up a woman in real life

THANKS to 5G and Facetune, approaching potential romantic partners is easier than ever. On the internet. Anywhere else is inappropriate.

Your astrological week ahead for November 16th, with Psychic Bob

They mocked John Harvey Kellogg for inventing corn flakes as an anti-masturbation suppressant, but you rarely see someone have a wank whilst they’re eating them.

Starmer's stormtroopers kicked down my door, confiscated my children and waterboarded my dog – over a tweet

IT WAS the greatest day of the year, Remembrance Sunday, when the door was smashed down and armed police rushed the house.

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... who's Trump putting in the White House next? The f**king Joker?

WAKING up with a hangover that causes me to emit several small pieces of my brain when I sneeze, I realise I have had a nightmare in which I dreamt I was an insipid, bespectacled fellow called ‘Welby’.

Can I speak to you about your internet provider? By Mike Tyson

HI. Sorry for calling you 17 times from an unknown number. It's former heavyweight champion of the world ‘Iron’ Mike Tyson here. Can I speak to you about your internet provider?

Mash Blind Date: 'We just didn't have any streaming services in common'

CAN Ryan Whittaker, Now TV and Apple TV, and Hannah Tomlinson, Netflix and Disney Plus, forge a meeting of minds despite the gulf between them?

Your astrological week ahead for November 9th, with Psychic Bob

Let’s play rock paper scissors, best of three. Rock. Rock. Rock.