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One wrong word and I'll end up on the menu: The gammon food critic's taste of Africa

IT always feels out of order talking about Africa and food in the same breath. All those guilt trips from Oxfam with starving kiddies and asking for money. It’s enough to put you off your dinner.

This week in Mash History: 'I have a dream of racial equality that will last oh, let's say 60 years' says MLK, 1963

THE achievements of the Reverend Martin Luther King cannot be overstated, with even an annual federal holiday for Americans celebrating his legacy of equality.

Your astrological week ahead for January 25th, with Psychic Bob

Just two more and you’ve slept with every mascot in league football. God damn, why must Pilgrim Pete and Pottermus play so hard to get?

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... expecting more of Snoop

WAKING up with a hangover that according to my Geiger counter readings is technically a nuclear incident, I reflect on the week’s events, not least the new presidency.

A white home counties roadman gets bare dumped at da cinema

ACTIVE J ‘as da January blues. Coz man ‘as been bare dumped. Lady G is no longer peng gyaldem. Her went off da scale at Active J in da cinema, for no reason at all, innit.

A confused millennial tries to… raw-dog a six-hour Megabus journey

SOCIAL media has blighted society with its stupid trends. Just take planking, flossing, and the ice bucket challenge, all of which I participated in.

Your astrological week ahead for January 18th, with Psychic Bob

What did ghosts wear before sheets were invented?

The Archbishop of Canterbury on... Reform voters: zombies who've eaten their own brains

WAKING with a hangover that has caused me to throw up a large chunk of my liver, I swallow an aspirin and reflect on a request for spiritual guidance on the LA wildfires.

Cow tipping in Dyfed, with Zendaya

HEY everyone! Zendaya here. The most famous person in the world if you're under 25. So famous I'm known by only one name, like Cher, Bono or Shipman. 

Mash Blind Date: can Elon Musk convert every woman in the UK to techbro-fascism by serially dating them?

BILLIONAIRE Elon Musk has fallen in love with converting Europe to fascism, and he is pressing his ardour. Will Joanna Kramer, aged 44, fall to his shock troops?