Society
'Epic fail' and five other phrases that are past their sell-by date
KEEPING up with the linguistic pace online is a minefield. If you want to look like you're up to date with the latest tedious phrases, make sure you avoid these.
Actual working class family insulted to be called working class
A WORKING class family have said they are not keen on the term, unlike middle class people who like to call themselves that.
Home-schooling mum reporting herself to Ofsted
A MOTHER attempting to teach her children at home has reported herself to Ofsted as ‘inadequate’.
How to make everything into a drama, by a three year-old
YOGHURT the wrong way round? Given a spoon you don’t like? Make it into a massive drama with this handy guide.
Are you thick or are the schools having a f**king laugh? Take our quiz
THE return of homeschooling has once again seen educated, high-earning professionals wondering if they are actually shit-thick. Take our quiz and find out.
Children naturally awful
CHILDREN are dreadful regardless of whether they have had sugar, it has emerged.
PTA mum starts bossing herself around
WITH no one else to organise or pressure into taking part in tedious fundraising events, a PTA mum has started bossing herself around.
Get bikes off the road, says motorist who also opposes cycle lanes
A DRIVER who believes cyclists are a menace he should not share a road with is also dead against cycle lanes, he has confirmed.
Pigeons working-class, RSPB admits
THE Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has admitted that pigeons are a rough bunch of bastards who bring the other birds down.
Plumber sick of everyone coming to him with bloody plumbing problems
A PLUMBER who works 12 hours a day, seven days a week to keep up with demand wishes people would stop pestering him with bloody jobs they want doing.
I am ready to accept your apologies, says Brexiter
A BREXITER has big-heartedly agreed to accept apologies from Remainers for all their terrible lies and smears.
'I'm thriving in lockdown!' and other phrases no one needs to hear right now
WITH 2021 getting off to a miserable start, here are some tone-deaf phrases to use if you want to make the situation even worse.
- Why it's fine that exams are cancelled because they mean nothing: a teacher explains
- Rationing bog rolls, and other ways 2021 could be even worse
- Never leaving the pub early ever again, and other resolutions for a post-pandemic 2021
- The bigoted relative's guide to creating an awkward atmosphere this Christmas