'Will I ever have sex?': The fantasy role-playing nerd's guide to lockdown ending

LOCKDOWN is easing, but what does it mean for the fantasy role-playing game community? Here's what to expect if you're obsessed with D&D or Warhammer.

Sex outside isn't illegal so fill your boots, says Hancock

OUTDOOR romps are not prohibited by the government’s sex ban so go for it, the health secretary has said.

Gobshite mum with no interest in her kids' education furious school closed

A WOMAN with no interest in her children achieving academically is angry that her local secondary school has not reopened.

School weird and frightening and also still shit, reports six-year-old

A SIX-YEAR-OLD has confirmed that the socially distanced school he has returned to is odd and scary while remaining crap and boring.

Man interrupts woman to say he's a feminist

A MAN has interrupted a woman mid-sentence to remind her that he supports equal rights for women.

Mum drops off kids 72 hours early for reopening of school

A DILIGENT mother-of-two has left her children at the school gates a full three days before their new term starts on Monday.

Six things to do with exactly six friends

NOW that we’re allowed to meet in groups of six, you’re probably wondering - what can I do with exactly five other people? Here are some excellent suggestions.

The new coronavirus rules for us and them explained

DESPITE the UK’s coronavirus rules changing next week, it seems likely that some people won’t have to stick to them. Here we explain the new two-tier system.

'He must have had a f**king good reason for going to Durham' say people from Durham

DURHAM locals have confirmed that you would not decide to pay a visit to the 'Coventry of the North' unless you absolutely had to.  

Creepy village erects large wicker Captain Tom

A GIANT statue of Captain Tom made entirely of wicker has been erected in a remote, creepy village, it has emerged.

Why you can't have universal basic income, by Rishi Sunak

FREE cash for all with no questions asked would make everyone’s life easier right now. Here chancellor Rishi Sunak explains why it’s a terrible idea and you mustn't have it.

When Britain claps it is excluding foreign NHS workers earning less than £25k pa, says Priti Patel

THE home secretary has confirmed that when the country comes together to clap for carers, they are tacitly excluding any foreign nationals below the £25,000 threshold.