Society

The mum's guide to pretending your child is not a total little bastard

AS the parent of a toddler, do you feel your little angel can do no wrong? Here are some great ways of convincing people your child is not the embodiment of evil.

Having children in late thirties linked to enjoying more of your thirties

WOMEN who delay motherhood until their late thirties face an increased risk of having more years of freedom and fun, according to researchers.

Sadomasochistic train company asks 'how did we do?'

A HELLISH, self-loathing train company has emailed its passengers asking to be told just how shit they are.

Idiot claims he can't spot 'fake news' that's obviously fake

A MAN keeps getting taken in by ‘fake news’ that is obviously dodgy to anyone with a semi-functioning brain.

Neo-Nazi starting to think career opportunities may be a bit limited

A FASCIST is beginning to suspect there are no opportunities for promotion or earning a decent salary in Britain’s neo-Nazi movement.

Britain expels clever people

A GROWING number of intelligent people have been expelled from the UK for smelling weird and preferring maths to telly.

Man either outraged there aren't dog poppies or outraged no dogs are wearing them

A BRITISH patriot is offended there are not poppies for dogs or offended that no dogs are wearing them, whichever should turn out to be the case.

Learner driver can't wait to ditch this 'ten-to-two' bullshit

A LEARNER driver cannot wait to ditch the bullshit ten-to-two hand position.