Society

US politicians who could never understand how routinely farcical everyday life in the UK is are still insisting they know who the bad guys are.

WHAT’S in a name? Well, if given to a child it can forever determine their position at the bottom end of Britain’s hierarchy. There will be no social climbing for these.

ED Sheeran chose capitalism over doing the right thing: repeating what me and my mates tell him to and cancelling his tour. And these monsters also made bad choices.

WHEN pornography raises its ugly head in conversation feigning total ignorance is unconvincing, but you should imply you never lower yourself to masturbation. Here’s how.

AFTER 40 minutes drafting, editing and re-reading the text, proofread and peer-reviewed by four other friends, she adds ‘no worries if not!’ to the end. Also useful at these times.

COMPLAINING about people behind their backs yields better results than talking to them directly, scientists have found.

STARTING at university? You will meet so, so many middle-class girls, usually studying psychology, that you fancy. But they will also have these infuriating traits.

WINSTON Churchill is an uncomplicated hero to Patriot Platform founder Danny Tommo and his balaclava-wearing followers. These are the five quotes he lives by.

LIKE annoying pop songs, numbers from the past have a habit of sticking in your head. Good luck ever forgetting these.