Whole carriage overjoyed as man running for train narrowly misses it

PASSENGERS on a train are rejoicing after a man desperately running to catch it failed to do so.

Welsh colleague not enjoying England games for some reason

A WELSH football fan seems unwilling to join in with the English celebrations during the World Cup, leaving co-workers baffled.

Woman getting tattoo confident she'll regret it her whole life

A WOMAN getting a tattoo is absolutely sure she will regard it with thinly-concealed regret until she is old and grey, she has confirmed.

Man cooks meat at barbecue but does sod all else

A MAN is cooking at a barbecue to avoid doing anything other than stand near hot meat drinking beer.

Ninety percent of socialising just people being loud

MOST social events are just people making loud noises at each other, experts have confirmed.

Only tiny number of jammy bastards actually 'basking' in heatwave

THE number of people outside enjoying the hot weather as opposed to slaving in a sweltering workplace is virtually nil.

Five-year-olds go on utterly pathetic school trip

A CLASS of five-year-olds have been taken on a pitiful school trip that really was not worth the effort.

Are you a twat or do you just like polo?

We’ve all asked ourselves - am I a regular twat or just a fan of the ridiculously upper-class sport polo? Take our test and find out.