Society

Hug and handshake ban 'no problem whatsoever,' say Sunderland men

THE men of Sunderland have assured the UK of their absolute compliance when it comes to social distancing.

How to outdo other families while never leaving home

THERE’S no lockdown on passive-aggressive one-upmanship, so here’s how to outdo the Joneses without leaving the house.

Man shouts at ducks for flouting lockdown rules

A MAN has verbally abused a small group of ducks in his local park for flouting coronavirus lockdown rules.

Your month-by-month guide to how you'll cope until October

EXPERTS have warned that Britain may be under partial lockdown for the next six months. Here’s how it will go.

Seven previously innocuous phrases that now strike dread into your heart

NO, not just ‘I can’t shake this cough’ – here are the other once-innocent phrases that now fill you with terror.

Five stupid reasons morons believe all this is happening

WE'RE all aware that COVID-19 is bad, but some morons believe it has appeared ‘for a reason’. Prepare yourself for an argument with these people by learning about their idiotic theories.

Next door neighbours become 80 per cent more irritating

YOUR next door neighbours have become more annoying now you are locked down next to them, experts have confirmed. 

Idiots finally realise toilet paper is not a valuable commodity

BRITAIN’S idiots are beginning to realise that cheap paper for wiping your bottom is not a valuable commodity like gold or diamonds.

Good thing we stockpiled, say f**kwits

BRITONS stuck at home for three weeks have reflected that it is a good thing they stockpiled or they would not have all this rice. 

Parents convinced teachers must have superpowers to cope with this shit

AFTER one week of attempting to teach their children at home parents now believe teachers must be superhuman.

Man singing on London balcony told to shut the f**k up

A MAN who wanted to make a video for social media about people coming together has been told to f**k right off by his neighbours.

Stupid things to do in lockdown you'll regret when it's over

ARE your feelings of anxiety and peril making you think it’s a good idea to text your ex? Don’t. This will pass and you’ll feel like a twat. Here are some more things not to do.