Society

Baby spends entire day hatching evil plan to f**k up bedtime

A BABY will spend eight hours deciding how he will make bedtime a complete and utter shit show.

The British person's guide to rioting

THE French have done some good rioting recently, but is our famous ‘English reserve’ stopping us sorting out our grievances by setting fire to cars? Read our guide to smashing shit up.

Atheists' advent calendar just contains cold hard facts

AN atheist family’s advent calendar contains nothing but reason and cold hard facts.

Man in new relationship can't wait to see how he f***s it up

A MAN who has been seeing a woman long enough to start calling her his girlfriend is eager to see how he will totally balls it up.

Britain not deeply divided, just full of angry gits

THE ‘deep divisions’ in British society are mainly just people enjoying getting angry about things, experts have found.

Man wondering if Carphone Warehouse is okay after day without sales call

A MAN with a mobile contract that is soon to expire is worried about the staff at Carphone Warehouse after going 24 hours without a call.

Child with 'Santa truther' parents about to f**k shit up on playground

A CHILD whose parents have told him the truth about Santa is about create utter chaos in a school playground.

'All is forgiven' say poor people as Duncan-Smith donates tin of peas to food bank

BRITAIN’S least well off have hailed Ian Duncan-Smith after he donated an entire tin of peas to a food bank.