Society

Colin Firth in a wet shirt: Seven wanks that have been approved by society

COLIN Firth’s shirt from Pride and Prejudice has been auctioned for £25,000, which is a lot for a very predictable wank fantasy. Here are some more that are tediously socially acceptable.

Richard Littlejohn, and other twats who'll be f**ked without diversity courses

JEREMY Hunt has instructed cash-strapped councils to stop spending money on diversity training. But has he considered the effect on people who love criticising them, ie. these twats?

Lowest possible acceptable amount donated to friend's fundraiser

THE smallest possible socially acceptable sum of money has been donated to a friend’s fundraiser, it has emerged.

Burglary victims need to stop being hung up on possessions, say police

Peter Storm coats, Timex watches and Raleigh bikes: the muggers' hit list outside London

Butlin's, and Britain's other true no-go areas

RIGHT-WINGERS say parts of the UK have become ‘no-go areas’ due to immigration, but they’re wrong. Here are the British places you should never set foot in, simply because they are irretrievably dreadful.

Man reporting shoplifter thinks he'll get a prize

A MAN who went unnecessarily out of his way to grass up a shoplifter is expecting a big reward, he has confirmed.

Killjoy police spoil everyone's fun with £450m cocaine bust

Water bills and other things that will instantly absorb any energy bill savings

THE typical energy bill is set to fall by £238, but don’t crack open the champagne just yet. That money will instantly get sucked up by these other expenses.

All woman's anecdotes about how attractive she is

EVERY single one of a 28-year-old woman’s anecdotes centre on ardent men, jealous women or the sadness of only being appreciated for her stunning looks.