The Cerne Abbas Giant and five other things so mental they can only be British

WHEN you look around the British Isles some things are just so bloody weird they could only have happened here. Take these, for example:

Taping albums off a mate, and other reasons you thought you'd be arrested as a kid

AS a child, did you think you might be arrested for the most trivial of things? Here's why a distant siren put the fear of God into you.

A house, and other things that used to cost a tenner

INFLATION is above five per cent but wages are not keeping up, tragically, because this is what a tenner used to buy you.

Middle-class eight-year-old hears the word 'no' for first time

A PRIVATELY educated middle-class child is suffering from shock after being exposed to the word ‘no’ for the first time in his entire life.

Mum who gave teacher way too expensive gift shunned at school gates

A PARENT who rewarded her son’s teacher with a £65 handbag has found herself shunned as an outcast at the school gates.

Least important relatives to be met this weekend

YOUR least important relatives are to be met in a Harvester near a ring-road to exchange presents this weekend.

1970s charged with sexual harassment

THE 1970s have been arrested on multiple charges of gross sexual misconduct by pretty much every bloke of the era.

Have the Plan B rules successfully distracted you from the Christmas party scandal?

THE rollout of Plan B restrictions was conveniently timed to distract you from the Christmas party scandal, but did it work? Find out with our quiz.

How not to see a pregnant woman on a train

SICK and bloody tired of doing the right thing? Just want to get to work in comfort? Here’s how to not even see that pregnant lady right in your sightline.

Bath or baarth? The pronunciations which divide our nation

NOTHING splits our proud island nation like the pronunciation of certain trigger words. Here are five words that separate Southern wankers from Northern scum.