AN obnoxiously loud businessman is managing to get a remarkably strong signal connection on a train journey, fellow passengers have confirmed.
Rail traveller Julian Cook has defied the limits of mobile technology by securing a cast-iron signal connection which he is using to hold a high-volume conversation about unleashing transformative change in nurdle manufacturing.
Fellow passenger Donna Sheridan said: “I can barely send a text when we’re stopped at a station, but this twat has his own personal Starlink.
“The connection doesn’t drop for a second, not on lengthy stretches through countryside without a mobile mast in sight and not even in tunnels. I know that because I can hear every booming syllable coming out of his dickhead mouth.
“We’re not in the quiet carriage. I guess calls are allowed. But we’re on the 43rd minute of him shouting trivial work bollocks to a man who’s surely as bored as I am and it’s a two-hour journey.
“No noise-cancelling earbuds can shut this motherf**ker out. He penetrates like a Mormon husband. I’ve discussed it with the woman opposite, and we’ve agreed we’re both going to get off at Paddington very pointedly.”
Cook said: “Hang on, people are talking over me. Let me put you on speaker.”
