SUNSHINE means bared flesh and the exposure of bad inking decisions usually mercifully hidden by clothing. These tattoos are both generic and regrettable:
Dreamcatcher
Signals that you’re a spiritual person without committing yourself to anything concrete and disprovable, like Catholicism. Do you really believe they stop bad dreams, like a water filter of consciousness? Would a water filter work when translated into ink form? No to both? Why did you get it then?
‘Only God can judge me’
And other phrases such as ‘Carpe diem’, ‘What we do in life echoes in eternity’ and ‘Live, laugh, love’. Trite, meaningless and painful cliches, you had them done because they were words and getting words tattooed was in. You crave the onset of autumn so you can put a shirt on and stop looking like the wall behind the sofa in a new-build.
Arabic script
The post-Beckham replacement for Chinese script, with the same potential for errors. So as you’re flexing your pecs in the park, hope you chose a tattooist who’d mastered it and didn’t use Google Translate badly, meaning that rather than your tat saying ‘peace’ or ‘wisdom’ it says ‘men’s toilet’.
Huge green spidery shoulder thing
The sun on your skin feels wonderful. This looks awful: a murky thicket of roses and stems filling your upper arm and shoulder, possibly with other random shit like a crescent moon thrown in, all gradually becoming more blurred as the years creep on. From more than ten paces it resembles not body art but gangrene.
Deathly Hallows symbol
Fell out of favour when Harry Potter fans realised half the adult fanbase had them, and then again thanks to Rowling’s more strident views. Looks a bit Masonic or Satanic, due being a knock-off of the Eye of Providence, and means a wizard has mastery over death. Also means ‘Even when old enough to get a tattoo I was massively into Harry Potter’.
Your children’s names
Depends on the names. And it’s never those who’ve named their children Inigo and Quintana who get their names inked; it is those who’ve named them Jaysen and Kaitee. So evocative of the sink estate you’ll feel you’re actually there.
Lower back butterfly
The original tramp stamp, best seen from a particular sexual position. Consequently when seen in a short summer top or bikini will attract those interested in seeing it from that position. Though they’ll also be interested in your other tattoos, such as the infinity symbol and the dandelion seeds that inexplicably turn into birds.
