Just under the eyebrow, and other lesser-known erogenous zones, with the Mash sex columnist

WHEN considering the sexy areas of the body, the mind immediately goes to the big three: arse, tits and bits. But, amazingly, there’s actually more to human sexuality than those. 

The body is as crammed with erotic Easter eggs as a triple-A videogame, just waiting to be discovered. Search out these arousing locations to stick your tongue in:

Just beneath the eyebrow

Did you know that the bit of skin between your eyelid and your brow is packed full of more nerve endings than a penis? Admittedly a small penis. Your bearded barista’s eyebrow piercing isn’t there to make you feel old, but to enhance sexual pleasure. Ask him about it when ordering a flat white.

Between your index finger and middle finger

While fingering is the ultimate pleasure for the receiver, it also brings the giver that bit closer to climax. That’s because the flesh between those two dominant fingers is, according to scientists, ‘the crotch of the hand’, conjuring a spiral of ecstasy when stimulated.

The back of the head

You might not have eyes there, but you’ve got an ‘mmm’. Sexologists believe a light rap to the back of the skull can be just as titillating as a spank on the buttocks. Good news for baldies, whose lack of hair means they get maximum pleasure out of this cheeky move.

The base of the heel

No longer the reserve of the grand vizier’s torturers, whipping the base of the foot can send your lover into a sexual frenzy that will have them spilling more than just heretical secrets. The hard skin on the heel is perfect for you to try out some exotic strokes. No need to be gentle!

The bit where labels poke your neck

That irritating feeling where a label on a T-shirt is tickling the back of your neck? That’s actually you misidentifying your extreme arousal. For naughty couples play, try sewing a few extra tags into your lover’s clothing and going out in public. No one will be aware of your dirty secret.

The teeth

Tongues come to the fore in sexual situations, but bypassing those pearly whites means missing out on unimaginable pleasure. Tonight, try brushing your partner’s teeth for them, or, if he’s a sugar daddy, cleaning his dentures. It turns what is essentially masturbation into a team effort, and dentistry into domme sex work.

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Your astrological week ahead for July 11th, with Psychic Bob

Aries, March 21st–April 19th

As the Baddiel and Skinner song goes, ‘30 plus N years of hurt, where N = an even number of years since 1996 in a summer when England qualify for a World Cup or European Championship, never stopped me dreaming.’

Taurus, April 20th–May 20th

Look, I’m going to be the bigger man here. I’m six foot three.

Gemini, May 21st–June 21st

Is that a gun in your pocket or just a really oddly-shaped pocket?

Cancer, June 22nd–July 22nd

“Don’t blame the Messenger.” Melinda Messenger, when she’s broken yet another f**king mug.

Leo, July 23rd–August 22nd

Denial is not just a river in Egypt. It also goes through quite a bit of Sudan.

Virgo, August 23rd–September 22nd

Asked my builder for a French exit when I meant French doors. Anyway, he’s gone.

Libra, September 23rd–October 22nd

I like my drinks like my marriage – on the rocks. And with a little umbrella.

Scorpio, October 23rd–November 22nd

Where does it end? Liam Neeson’s House of Games? Michelle Obama’s House of Games? Morten Gamst Pedersen’s House of Games?

Sagittarius, November 22nd–December 21st

Was The Stripper written specifically for strippers or did a stripper hear it and say ‘finally, someone’s written me theme music’?

Capricorn, December 22nd–January 19th

You say tomato, I say tomato the exact same way, I suppose we’ll have to get married.

Aquarius, January 20th–February 18th

While the cat’s away, we’ll probably check into the cattery ourselves.

Pisces, February 19th–March 20th

I guess it’s normal for sheep to have writing sprayed on them. But the word ‘SLAG’?