Sport

The parent's guide to pressuring your child into sports they're shit at

THE whole point of having kids is to exorcise the ghosts of your own childhood failings through them. Here’s how to force them to take up sports they'll grow to loathe as much as you did.

Which football team you support basically horoscopes for men

MEN who scoff at star signs believe they can know a person's entire character and future life-trajectory based on what football team they support.

The football fan's guide to ruining a quiet Sunday pub roast

PUBS are the perfect place to watch the Premier League on a big screen and make lunch unendurable for innocent bystanders. Football fan Wayne Hayes explains how.

The pathetic beta man's guide to pretending you understand the Premier League

NEED to learn about the Premier League so you can fit in with the real men? Fake your knowledge ahead of the new season with this guide.

How inspired are you? A checklist for celebrating women

THE Lionesses’ victory has inspired women, but only up to a point. Follow our checklist to ascertain your level of inspiration-linked activity.

Euros trophy left in nightclub toilet

THE Lionesses have left the Euro 22 trophy in one of a possible sixteen nightclub toilets, they have confirmed.

Years of hurt counter reset to zero

ENGLAND’S official years of hurt counter has been reset from 56 to zero, operators have confirmed.

Women better than men

WOMEN are officially loads better than men, the Euro 22 final has proved.

15 things not to say during tonight's final

TODAY'S Euro 2022 final between England and Germany is a historic occasion which the country is obligated to watch. So avoid saying these things.

Women strangely reluctant to stick flares up their arse for final

THE women of England are exhibiting a bizarre reluctance to stick flares up their arse ahead of the Euros final, it has emerged.