Winner-stays-on pool champion dies at his post after 30 years of back-to-back victories

STILL longing for a worthy opponent, the undisputed champion of winner-stays-on pool has died at the table after 30 years of victories.

If Terry Venables was so good how come England never won, woman asks mourning boyfriend

A WOMAN consoling her boyfriend over the loss of Terry Venables has asked how come England never won if he was so good.

If City win let's just call the season there, football fans agree

FANS of Premier League clubs have agreed that if Manchester City win today’s match against Liverpool they may as well just call the whole season for them.

'It was worth it for the wild thrill-ride of success we've been on' says Everton fan

AN Everton fan has said the Premier League can deduct ten points but cannot take away the memories of his club's incredible last few years.

Let Saudi Arabia win the f**king World Cup as well if you want, shrugs football

FOOTBALL fans have suggested that, since Saudi Arabia is going to host the World Cup in 2034, why not let the murdering pricks win the f**ker as well.

Shattered nation finding what comfort it can in Manchester United defeat

A COUNTRY beset by horrifying news on every front is trying to wrap itself in the warm glow of Manchester United being beaten three-nil by City.

Female football fan shamelessly sexist about women's football

A FEMALE football fan has openly poured scorn on women’s football in a manner that is extremely offensive to women.

England reach semi-final, but in rugby

THE England team are in a World Cup semi-final, but sadly only in the game of rugby.

Wembley arch f**ked either way

THE Wembley arch would be facing a monumental backlash no matter what colour the lights are, it has emerged.

Bernie Ecclestone actually six foot six

FORMULA One boss Bernie Ecclestone has admitted to lifelong fraud and that he is actually six feet six inches tall.