The Daily Mash

Sport

THE release of 2019-20’s Premier League fixtures means a Manchester United supporter can diarise when he will be a complete nightmare to be around.

A MALE football fan has read four day’s worth of coverage of the FIFA Women’s World Cup and is now an expert, he has confirmed.

A MUM can see no valid reason for spending a huge part of her life watching small children’s totally inconsequential sporting events.

A MAN who claims women’s football is slow and lacking in action also thinks men hitting tiny balls with sticks for hours is utterly fascinating.

PREMIER League chiefs have agreed that as Liverpool did so well but still did not win they can carry their points over to the following season.

LIVERPOOL’S comeback to beat Barcelona four-nil yesterday was intensely irritating for most of Britain. But was it the most irritating of all time?

BEHIND every runner in this weekend’s London Marathon are at least 15 people sick to death of hearing about it and willing it to be over.

THE Scottish national football team is now the underdog against a range of made-up countries.

A FOOTBALL fan has proudly proclaimed that he can watch literally any game of football, from the Champions League to a lads’ kickabout in the park.

HUNGOVER has narrowly beaten Still Pissed From Last Night in a hotly contested Sunday league football game.

ANDY Murray has admitted he is suffering too much to continue being Scottish and is to retire to a cottage in Kent.

THE scheming, duplicitous Guardian has again hoodwinked an innocent football fan into browsing an article about women’s football.