Sport

Gangnam Style: Five things Sky Brown is too young to remember that will depress you

IS 13-year-old Olympic skateboarder Sky Brown making you feel like a withered old husk? It won’t help that she has no memory of these landmark events.

The six worst school sports memories of your childhood

EVERYONE loves the Olympics when you can watch it on telly with a glass of wine and a pizza. But do you remember the trauma of actually doing sport at school? Here are the low points.

Flytipping, and four other Olympic sports Britain would be world-beaters at

THE only reason Britain isn't leading the medals table is because we're not doing the sports we excel at. Here are the events we'd take gold in:

Why I've got more bottle than Simone Biles, by a gammon

ALL this talk about ‘mental health’ you get today. ‘Ooh, Mr Site Manager, can I take the day off, I’ve got to look after my mental health instead of doing my job.’ What a load of bollocks.

Japan urged to drop this time difference nonsense until Olympics finished

JAPAN has been urged by the international community to drop this whole time difference bollocks until the end of the Olympic Games.

Man who knew Tom Daley at school taking partial credit

A MAN who went to school with Olympian Tom Daley had admitted he feels the diver’s first gold medal is in some small way his, too.

Man watching incomprehensible load of lycra-clad bullshit pretty sure it's the Olympics

A MAN watching lycra-clad people perform some physical bollocks according to impenetrable rules is pretty confident this must be the Olympics.

Man could be an Olympian if he was disciplined, good at sport, and 30 years younger

A MIDDLE-AGED man is convinced he could be an Olympic athlete if he was essentially a completely different person, it has emerged.

The five racists who've f**king ruined it

ENGLAND didn’t win, but the country really felt it had achieved something these past weeks only to be forcibly reminded it hadn’t. These bastards have ruined it.

14 times today when England fans will stare into the middle distance and mutter 'f**king hell'

GUTTED England fans will largely spend today listlessly doing menial tasks in between muttering ‘f**king hell’.