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World Cup was only thing stopping me head-butting some prick, confesses Maguire

Southampton spy was Middlesbrough double agent

THE Southampton spy who has caused the club to be removed from Championship play-offs was actually a Middlesbrough double agent.

Julian Dicks, and other iconic British footballers who deserve to have roses named after them

A ROSE has been named after David Beckham, and surely other British footballers should have the same honour. These richly deserve floral tributes.

What to do with the rest of your bitter failure of a life now you'll never be a footballer

SINCE consciousness first dawned, you were determined to become a professional footballer. You’re shit at football. So what do you do now?

The trick is to go fast, says record-breaking marathon runner

THE man who completed a marathon in under two hours has revealed his secret was to run faster than other competitors so he got to the finish first.

We ask you: What twat outfit are you dressing in for the London Marathon?

THE London Marathon takes place on Sunday, and every Briton who is not lazy and worthless is running it in costume. What are you wearing?

The six incredibly woke items that killed Football Focus

FOOTBALL Focus has been cancelled after assailing ordinary, decent football fans with a hellish storm of BBC wokeness. These items meant it had to die.

'This is just the beginning,' vow Leicester after relegation to third tier

LEICESTER have promised their fans their relegation is not a fluke and is only the beginning of a bold new chapter of abject failure.

Woke UFC fan separates martial arts from martial artist

A MAN with left-wing beliefs who enjoys watching men beat each other senseless is able to separate a fighter’s skills from his politics.

We ask you: What jacked-up price are you most excited to pay at the US World Cup?

THIS summer’s World Cup in America is charging $100 for a train, $225 for a parking spot and $40 for a soda pop. What profiteering are you buzzing for?