Sport

England rugby team perform intimidating pre-match ritual of making lovely cup of tea

THE England rugby team will intimidate the Springboks in the World Cup final by performing a terrifying tea-making ritual on the pitch.

Sport really doesn't matter to us, say Australians

AUSTRALIA’S Rugby World Cup exit is of no interest to its citizens who much prefer books to sport, it has been claimed.

English man adds 'f**king Bulgars' to his vocabulary

AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.

Typhoon is no reason to cancel a rugby match, says retired PE teacher

RUGBY World Cup officials who cancelled matches because of a typhoon a 'bunch of fairies', according to a retired PE teacher.

Man pretending to like rugby so he can get pissed in the daytime

A MAN has been pretending to enjoy the Rugby World Cup so he can drink beer for breakfast.

Men urged not to start fantasy football teams if they're just going to abandon them

MEN have been warned to take the responsibility of a fantasy football team seriously rather than walking away the moment it goes wrong.

Men getting ready to pretend they understand rugby

MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.

Playing cricket in England for five days ‘practical joke that went too far’

THE idea of holding a five-day cricket match in England was initially conceived as a prank, it has emerged.

New football season make everything better for man

ALL bad stuff in world gone away now football back, say man.

The best sports for avoiding your family and your problems

EXERCISE is great for your mental wellbeing because you can hide from your family and your problems in a cowardly way. Here are the best sports for avoiding real life.

People who don’t like cricket are wrong, say experts

CRICKET is brilliant and if you disagree you are less than a buffoon, according to experts.

Cricket fans ready to trash Waitrose if England win World Cup

CRICKET fans are threatening to rampage through Waitrose, Cath Kidston and SpaceNK wreaking havoc if England win today’s World Cup.