What the continental football shirt you choose to wear says about the twat you are

BRITISH, but strutting around in an Inter Milan shirt like you’re something special? Did you know your chosen garment also reveals what kind of twat you are?

Complete losers' football teams facing relegation again

THE total loserdom of tens of thousands of football fans is shortly to be confirmed when their crap football clubs are deservedly relegated.

Football? Never heard of it, says Arsenal fan

A MAN who up until yesterday was an ardent Arsenal fan is now feigning ignorance about the sport of football as a whole, it has emerged.

New Chelsea manager grudgingly agrees to earn £20m for half-arsed six months

MAURICIO Pochettino will today reluctantly agree to earn eight figures for doing a shit job as Chelsea manager until November.

Which zany London Marathon outfit are you desperately hoping will get you on telly?

YOU’LL never get on TV by actually winning the Marathon, so try getting the BBC’s attention with one of these wacky costumes instead.

Well done, now score when it matters, Kane told

HARRY Kane has been congratulated on becoming England’s top goal scorer but advised to do it during a World Cup quarter-final penalty.

Landlord dearly wishes his wasn't a Sky Sports pub

THE landlord of a pub would give anything for it not to be a Sky f**king Sports one.

Match of the Day to be on Ceefax

TONIGHT’S Match of the Day will be broadcast via live Ceefax updates, the BBC has announced.

It would be fine if Gary Lineker was a right-wing bigot. By the newspapers

IF only it could be different. If only Gary Lineker had the good sense to be a right-wing bigot, he could air his political views as often as he liked.

Football the worst hobby, women agree

WOMEN have agreed that of all the pathetic things men are far too obsessed with, football is easily the worst.