Spanish FA boss reluctantly agrees to kiss the rest of team

SPANISH FA president Luis Rubiales has agreed to kiss all the rest of the girls on his country’s World Cup-winning football team if that will make them happy.

I told you it wouldn't be worth making the trip, says Prince William

A VINDICATED Prince of Wales believes he made the right call by not flying to Australia to cheer on the Lionesses because they lost.

Losing same as winning, confirm English scientists

SCIENTISTS based in England have confirmed that losing a major football tournament is functionally identical to winning it.

Oh well never mind, says female football fan

A FANATICAL Lionesses fan has reacted to their World Cup final loss by saying ‘Shame,’ and turning over to Four In A Bed on E4.

Mum just hopes both teams have a lovely time

A MOTHER watching the Women’s World Cup final will be happy so long as England and Spain have fun playing each other.

England has no idea what to do if it wins World Cup

HAVING built its identity on football-related self-pity, England has no clue how it will react if it beats Spain on Sunday.

Lionesses supporters at risk of discovering we don't always win

FANS of the Lionesses since their 2022 Euro win may today face the unpalatable discovery that they do not win every time.

Australia already knows who won due to the time difference

PEOPLE in Australia already know who won today’s semi-final match because they are nine hours ahead.

Footballers: what they're actually worth, by a bloke from the 80s

AS Brighton midfielder Moses Caicedo agrees a £115m deal with Chelsea, 1980s football fan Norman Steele explains the true value of this summer’s transfers.

'It's coming home but no probs if not!' chant women

WOMEN excited about today's match against Colombia have started singing a boisterous yet modest football chant, it has emerged.