Sport

AUSTRALIA are fourth in the Olympic medal table despite the country’s disdain for any activity that emphasises physical achievement over intellectual prowess.

OLYMPIC medal winners are wasting no time in consuming the precious metal discs they need to eat in order to survive.

THEY may be unknown now, but after the next fortnight our Olympians will crop up on Bake-Off, Strictly, and Celebrity Masterchef. So who are they?

ATHLETES in Paris’s Olympic village are spending their evenings engaged in sexual congress which they see as a physical endurance challenge.

THE opening ceremony of the Olympic Games in Paris will be so obsessed with France and French national identity that Britain will go unmentioned, fans fear.

THE Olympics are here, and with them a host of events you have never before heard of which prove captivating viewing. What’s your favourite?

HE has walked away from the England team, but who knows what rowdy craziness Gareth Southgate will get up next?

OF the names bandied around to be next England manager, most would rather be fired out of a cannon into Jordan Pickford. But there are always fools:.

THE BBC has revealed that it prepared an amazing montage in preparation for England’s incredible last-minute win in the final that never happened.