Sport

A YOUNG boy jumping erratically around a shopping centre has explained he is a highly trained parkour expert.

PRINCE Harry has appeared at an event it is impossible to criticise him for attending, which the conniving twat founded for exactly that reason.

SCOTLAND face England tonight in a friendly, but do they have any chance of winning now their talismanic striker Nicola Sturgeon has retired?

SPANISH FA president Luis Rubiales has sacrificed the job he loves so he and Jenni Hermoso are free to go out.

SPANISH FA president Luis Rubiales has agreed to kiss all the rest of the girls on his country’s World Cup-winning football team if that will make them happy.

A VINDICATED Prince of Wales believes he made the right call by not flying to Australia to cheer on the Lionesses because they lost.

SCIENTISTS based in England have confirmed that losing a major football tournament is functionally identical to winning it.

A FANATICAL Lionesses fan has reacted to their World Cup final loss by saying ‘Shame,’ and turning over to Four In A Bed on E4.

A MOTHER watching the Women’s World Cup final will be happy so long as England and Spain have fun playing each other.

HAVING built its identity on football-related self-pity, England has no clue how it will react if it beats Spain on Sunday.